the open road.

Have you ever had a day that you just feel cool? I dont know how else to explain it other than that. Today was one of those days. I just feel cool. This is the kind of dumb conversation I would have with one or both of my siblings. Somehow we all ended up with the same odd way of thinking and expressing ourselves.

[What I did today for those of you who are interested.. I danced in my livingroom listening to Josh Groban.I went hiking along the sandy trails in a state park nearby listening to Selah's hymns, barefoot for as long as I could. I had a great conversation with God.I went into downtown Santa Cruz and perused the local stores. I bought some classic books and some unknown but cultural books at a used bookstore. Now I sit eating my homemade sweet&sour stirfry over sticky rice listening to Amos Lee and David Gray. what a wonderful day]

Now for those of you not so much interested in WHAT I did but more in what Im learning.. well thats been happening too. Ive been looking into school (finally!) and starting to put together somewhat of a plan for my life. It seemed overwhelming at first, but the verse in Proverbs just keeps coming up: "seek the Lord and He will direct your paths" something like that. And it is so true. My first priority is not my life. Still, there are alot of options for me to consider right now in my life. I'll be getting home with close to no money so work is relatively urgent. Time of course makes me think that school is relatively urgent as well. then there is this travelling thing I cant seem to shake. How does it all fit together? Ive actually found a couple schools and programs that do interest me. And Im sticking to my plan of coming back to Calgary for a year at least. What I realized today though is that God often speaks to me through 'interruptions'. What I mean is.. I will hear something direct from Him, and I will run with it full steam ahead. But often, He tells me that so that another door becomes open, or within sight, for me. So He will tell me to go to the main road that Ive heard of, but then along the way I see a side street that just feels so right. That fork-in-the-road place is a hard spot though. How do I know a distractor from what I just called an 'interruption'? Im learning to dream with a flexible heart. running, but not so fast that I cant see the forks. Its a journey. and, after today, I actually feel like I have an idea of the road ahead. exciting stuff!

one step

Today I feel like I kind of took a step backward that pushed me forward. If that makes any sense at all. I do think I can say that Im not aware of ever feeling so grateful for the feeling of conviction before. and I still dont know if that sentence made sense! Let me start a little farther back..

Last week I was having trouble 'connecting' with God again. I was feeling like maybe the effects of YWAM were wearing off and I was starting to get back to normal. HA. What is normal? I dont want it to be a place where I cant feel or hear God. I dont want it to be a place that I feel like Im struggling and a place where I cant seem to stop beating myself up for not doing better. But those were the thought patterns that were starting to resurface. I was still having moments of ups along with these thoughts, but the trend was starting to bother me. I know it is important to be able to have the faith in God whether or not you can feel His presence. and I know that we all go through times of dryness, especially after coming down after a spiritual high. The problem for me is when I start TRYING to make it all better and then feeling guilty when I dont get it right. Those are lies from the evil one. guilt is not of God, conviction however is. (I promise, I am getting to that part of my story!) SO, then this past weekend I went down to San Diego to visit my dear friend Megan from my DTS.

and it was so refreshing the instant I saw her. Its like coming home. seeing family. It just makes all the difference to be around someone that you dont have to explain your life story to for once. She lived with me for months, she knows my struggles and my heart. We encouraged eachother, discussed life problems, and spent lots of time praying for one another. In fact, the first night I got there - after driving for almost 11 hours, going straight to a party and meeting her friends, and staying up super late talking - Megan prayed me to sleep. I knew we were off to a good start there. And that seemed to be the reoccurring theme of the weekend for me. Learning to pray. Learning to ask. Learning to trust. Learning to just listen. all over again. It seems that is a lesson that needs to be taught over and over.

SO needless to say, my heart was in a pretty good spot coming back here. I rested. I communed. I fellowshipped. I was refreshed. So today, what was meant to be a chat to catch up, ended up being some tough love given to me. I am super thankful to have a friend here that is bold enough to speak up when I need a gentle reminder, or a firm one. I guess to make it brief I can say that the battle in me with independence is far from over, and when it comes to leadership I need a lesson in humility and unity. I cant expect to share the message of church unity if I struggle to work on a team myself. I need to learn to voice my opinion within a group setting and learn to work with and accept other ideas. Not shut off and just do what Im told OR just do my own thing. I guess Ive never really been able to co-lead. But I need to learn. and man o man am I going to need grace in this area. Once again I am able to say that this is just the beginning I feel..

Order

Two days ago I spent the day with my [second] cousin and friend. They roadtripped all the way down the west coast visiting family and friends along the way (sounds similar to what Im doing with jess in august..). It was neat to have a little taste of home with that. I got caught up with my small town roots - or rather, my dad's roots, and with my family. We talked church and God and family and future. We also just spent the day at the beach relaxing and soaking up the sun AS well as trying to learn to skimboard. I managed a pretty nasty fall though attempting to perfect it and ended up doing something to my right wrist... which I ignored thinking it was nothing serious until it was finally hurting so bad I couldnt ignore it any longer. Ice and meds came next.. and then in a lapse of judgement I jumped in a hot tub. BAD idea. The pain was incredible. Sleep came slow that night..

Yesterday I spent the day restlessly pacing the house. I had obviously gotten used to going out during the day and interacting with people. I just couldnt seem to shut off and relax at all. My mind was racing. I talked with my parents finally and they convinced me to at least get my wrist checked out, seeing as my insurance covered it anyway. I also attempted reading and talking with God throughout the day - seeing as I really couldnt type or write. It was frustrating finding myself in the same state of not being able to stop and tune into God. I think I was more talking at Him then with Him.. But things turned around when I ended up having a late night conversation in which I could explode all my energy into words. I feel like sometimes I get caught up in all the exteriors of my faith and forget the root of what I believe. Which is essentially to LOVE God and to LOVE people. It was good to be reminded of that. Sometimes its good to simplify I think..

Today I again chose to stay home all day, but today was very different. I enjoyed the rest, and felt at peace and filled with joy. I did go to the doctors, and two hours later came out with a split for my sprained wrist. I had the day and the house to myself, as Lori went hiking again this weekend in Yosemite. I enjoyed loud music, and dancing, and sleeping on the floor, and cooking a glorious meal for myself (and the four extra people I mustve thought were going to show up! I cooked enough for 5!). I not only read the word, but was fed by the word. I talked with an old friend and made a couple small realizations. and tonight I decided to go out with the group. We saw an old 80's band perform on the beach and laughed and danced into the night. Today was a good day.

Tomorrow is Kyle's mom's funeral. For some reason, the only thought I can think about that is very disconnected. and its just about what Im going to wear. I know that I will cry. and I know that tomorrow will probably be a difficult day. Im glad I chose to stay home and go to this service.

The day after tomorrow is the wedding of an old friend of the guys'. I think I might go uninvited... to the dance at least...

I was talking with my mom the other day - and I realized once again how easily I bond to a place or to people. It makes it easy to go, but hard to leave. If that makes any sense. I feel connected here. Just like I did in India. and in Kentucky. These are places that Ive left a piece of me in. People Ive shared with and connected too. Stories that I claim as my own and memories that I hold close to my heart. These are the events that have shaped the person that I am today. Even the events of this weekend, the ones I just shared, are things that have marked my life. And in this all, through this all, I want to love God. and I want to continue loving people. Wherever my life takes me next.

life to the full

Talking to my parents tonight reminded me to share something that I have experienced since being here... One of the guys Ive met - Kyle - his mom is really really sick with cancer. A rare form of cancer that the doctors cant do anything about. She has been fighting it for years, but this latest bout of it will probably be her last. That is the story I got the first night I hung out with my new friends here, after they received a text to say she was going downhill fast. A few days later I hung out with Kyle for the first time, and we stopped by his house so he could change. I entered a house full of love, but death as well, all mixed together. The family was all there, and I got to meet his mom too. She is a wonderful woman - completely selfless and full of joy. I got to experience a little piece of their life in this prescious time. Its a gift I couldnt have asked for. I have never been around anyone who is terminally ill, and because I hadnt known anyone there longer than a week, I didnt know how to act really. But this will surely be an experience I will always remember. We ended up staying with them longer and joining them on a walk with the mom (in her wheelchair) around the neighborhood. We fed the horses, and admired the giant houses and well kept lawns. And everyone held on to the moms every word.

Now, about a week later... it doesnt look like she is going to make it through the night. She is in a coma currently, and receiving phone calls with the final words of loved ones who couldnt be there.

And where do I fit into all this? Im just a tag along. Who has happened to be there for the calls and the text messages updating on her status, and happened to be there for her last walk around her favorite paths. I dont know what my place is exactly, but I feel incredibly blessed to be apart of this journey. Ive seen peace and love and strength and friendship in news ways. Ive seen family and community come together. Kyle's mom is a loved woman. She, and her family, have the prayers of many surrounding them right now. Please as you read this through a quick one up for the family as well. Thanks all. Be blessed.

a turn around.

This summer is winding up to be very different than I anticipated! I had 'planned' or thought that I would get a job, hang out at the beach alot by myself, make a few friends through a Bible study or something and really get a sense of focus for whats next. And at first it looked like it was turning into that.. I thought I had found a job (Im STILL not sure whats going on with that. The short story is that I was hired, but she told me to call when I got back from vacation, and Ive called multiple times and even went in but apparently she hasnt been around - I cant get through to her at all!) and I thought this job felt right -you know, like I could treat it as more than a job. Now I think Ive wasted too much time on this one that I wont be able to try for anything else. Its strange that half my time here is up already almost! I am trusting that God has the answers for this one even if I cant see it. Somewhere in there might be a lesson in trusting Him with my finances, because I am really going to be cutting it close now. But me and Him have had many a conversation about this, and although I dont get it, I feel ok about it and I am at peace. I followed where I thought He was leading, so I can only continue to do that now! Besides work, my greatest 'needs' I felt was community. Or better put, just friends! and I have been really blessed in that area. Ive not only met a few people that I get along with, my Ive gotten to know a group of people that I feel comfortable with and really enjoy spending time with. They might all be older than me, but I still have quite a bit in common with them. They have kept me entertained with hiking and swimming and game nights, as well as challenging conversations. Its almost like Im having the typical summer that I never once experienced - but in a really cool place. Im staying at 'home' and hanging out with friends and doing all the fun summer activities I never had the time for! This may seem like a small accomplishment to some, but for me to be able to balance rest and fun and growth all together is no small feat. Im finally able to practice the discipline that Ive always told myself too. I still need work on some areas... but one thing that has changed in me definitely is that I am way more open to the Spirit's voice. I still have no idea what I am doing in calgary next year. But that no longer feels like THE big question. I have my dreams and I have my passions and I can truly say that I am living life abundantly. I am loving God and I am loving people. and in small ways I think I am making a difference. I would love to go back to school when I go home and learn more and find a job that I find purpose in - so if that door opens to me I will be jumping at that (but for those that havent heard yet, missionary is the title Im claiming now but there are still many unknowns surrounding that!). But Im going to start the way I left, with all that Im holding onto being my Christian Faith. My life would make no sense at all if God wasnt in it! and I love it that way.

prospects and expectations

Today I got a call from the local diner and landed an interview with the owner tomorrow morning. that is great news. I just handed my application in yesterday. God is good. They need a hostess and I have (some) experience from my days at Applebees. So, if all goes well, hoppefully I will have a job waiting for me to start once I get home from my birthday vacation! Also, I look forward to checking out a college group that meets on wednesdays... see if any solid relationships come out of that. Its been nice and relaxing so far being here. Ive had the chance to call and skype a few friends and am staying in touch with all my friends across the world. My aunt and I are getting along just great - if you ask her I might be a little on the messy side. But I help cook and I hope Im better company than the Tv or phone! I think we both enjoy having eachother around.

But, besides all these normalities and adjustments... there is something stirring within me. I just finished reading a book by Frank Peretti - one of his first - all about spiritual warfare. And I must say, it is real. I refuse to be put to sleep and to just go through the motions here. I have come to know my God more intimately than ever before, and have come so much closer to understanding His vast love. that needs to be talked about. And the evils of this world need to be combatted against. So tonight as I head to bed I am not so concerned about my job interview tomorrow, or about what I will fill my day with. Im ready to pray, and to pray seriously. For all my loved ones and dear friends around the world, and for the city that I have felt called back to for some time, and for the place I am in now. I dont know what God wants to tell me, but I am ready to listen. I know how easy it is to just do (which is very different than when I write that Im ready to just DO. notice the caps.) and so I will fight back with all the human strength I have. I want to expect of God. I want to see Him working and I want to be surprised and blown away again and again by His power and majesty and His love and faithfulness.

and I want this all to last. persistance. (stubborness used for good). that is just where Im at.

a new journey

I cant believe its been almost a month since last writing a blog! Where oh where does the time go?! That means its been almost a month since INDIA already. dear me. Its hard to believe sometimes that in the past three weeks I went from India to N. Ireland to California... three VERY different cultures. God has been extremely faithful through all the transitions, and even moreso He has been showering blessings upon me as well! It was so good to be reunited again with the other half of our family in Belfast and to swap stories about our different adventures. Whats cool too is that through their stories I can see even more of Gods purpose in putting me on the team I was on and His intention for sending me to India. It really was the perfect fit for me. I loved hearing all the stories of Rwanda and Burundi too though... I wonder if one day I will make it there..? Our trip was definitely a relationship focused one, especially with the kids that we were with for a solid 7 weeks at the community centre. Theirs focused alot more on reconciliation teaching. It was just good to be back all together. My sleeping patterns quickly adjusted to that of little to no sleep as I would stay up most the night talking and sharing dreams and wake up in the morning for debriefing with our YWAM leader. We talked through the entire DTS and gave evaluations and well as talked about transitioning back into our lives at home. I feel somewhat prepared for coming back home because I was gone before (to KY) and have done the re-entry thing. But still I know there will be unseen challenges. The biggest thing is going to be disciplining myself to keep up what just came naturally in the DTS setting (finding a community of believers, someone to keep me accountable, intercession times, taking roles of leadership, bible studies, etc) AND to spread and inspire this passion that I have now with humility NOT pride. but before any of that happens.... I am here in California for the summer! Ive got a lot to figure out here too. Ive got to find a job. find a church. find friends. Im creating a whole new life here. kind of exciting! But, like my dad said, my 'mission' its just for home or for later. its right here right now. God has a plan and purpose for me being here in santa cruz and I dont intend to sit on my butt and wait for lightning to strike. I am looking forward to spending a good deal of time going through my journals and digging through the bible and cementing some of the truths that Ive learned and growing in new ways too this summer. I also look forward to exploring around this part of california and really getting to know the area.

... this post has spread over a couple days now... this past week has seemed very full. I think I am STILL recovering from jet lag. Ive been so blessed to be able to see my parents and my brother in the past week. It was so great to spend time with family. Its weird how normal it feels to be with them. Our relationships havent really changed, but I know I have a different world view than when I left and its interesting to see that come out in conversation. Its strange to not really have any stories in common though - because everything I know from the past year is a different world from what they have experienced. It was good to just BE with them most of all. There was no pressure to exlode with all my lifes dreams or anything. [i love you guys!] and its been good to have regular communication with them again. On the other hand, it has been extremely hard to not be with my DTS friends for a week. and its hard hearing about their struggles adjusting to life. I just want to be there with them... Through it all though I know God is faithful. I feel him right next to me all the way.. and I look forward to this journey

a time to be

This past week has been so filled with different things.. its hard to even go back and make note of them all. Ive felt extremely drained, and physically exhausted and Ive heard God speak so tangibly and Ive been really really busy too. During the week we were helping prepare for a youth camp that is going to happen this week in one of the slums. We spent our mornings writing out songs and preparing sketches and lessons (and learning more Hindi!) and our afternoons with really good team times. I did feel physically really not there and just done, but still my attitude was one of expectance. I was expecting to hear from God in a really real way - and boy did I ever! God spoke to me about many [really random] things, and through various people (thanks jess and tanah!) and to be honest I am still not 100% sure about it all and how it all links.. but God also told me very specifically that I will be coming back here to India. It was amazing to actually get a clear direction like that from God as for the past few years I have known up until this trip and that is IT. like nothing after I get home - all I know is that I am supposed to return to Calgary for some time but really nothing more than that no matter how much imagination I put into it. And I am actually okay with the lack of direction simply because there is nothing in my life that I am holding onto enough to scare me. But boy was it exciting to hear this from Him. I want to talk with one of the organizations that weve been helping with here and see what it could look like to come back for a year and work with them. I also really want to stay connected to the friends I now have in Pune and Mumbai and I think there is something about me helping to inspire them with the work that is being done in Delhi. Basically what I want to do with my life is inspire people with passion to DO and to empower them to be able to do something with that passion. And I think India is going to be the start of alot for me. I am also convinced that God is bringing me back home for some time for a specific reason and I think that the doors to be opened are just hidden from my sight right now - and that is part of the reason why I cant plan anything. Because I am not even aware yet of those doors. So I come home with expectance as well. And just as a side note I must say that I am getting ready to come home - even if it is another 4 months almost! I am missing people once again with force, but not just because I want "my friends" back and to be with my family again.. but I want to share all THIS with you guys. I look forward to the [many] conversations that are to come.

Mmm I got sidetracked.. I didnt finish off my week! On Friday we all went to the slum to help with a 'cleaning day' which basically consisted of us and about 20 volunteers (mostly young teenage boys) shoveling out the sewage ditches? I dont know what to call it. In the slum, all the sewage and waste and used water goes into these trenches or ditches or whatever they are called that run throughout the slum. They are about a foot deep when they are unblocked and are supposed to allow everything to run downhill to somewhere? outside of the slum area. I dont really get the architecture of it. Obviously this system doesnt work so well. SO we went in to clean it up. 70 people from the slum had agreed to help out but when we showed up, there were 15 of us and thats it. Eventually some of the younger boys came to help as well (and ended up being the hardest working of us all!) It was HOT and hard, disgusting work. But spirits were high. After we all ate lunch together and later in the evening they showed the Jesus film to whoever would come and watch. It was inspiring to see our friends putting so much into something with so little appreciation being received.

THEN on Saturday we had planned a party for the street kids with the NGO that we have been working with. It started out as an idea and turned into a HUGE celebration! We had a few people come from an art gallery to come and teach the kids about painting and colors, etc and then the kids each got to paint three different paintings. (the plan from here is that Cortney is taking these paintings back home to Calgary and sometime in early sept she is selling this art during an art show with 'Art for the Poor' on Stephen Ave and sending the proceeds back to the NGO) After this, and the spontaneous dance party that happened in the courtyard, the kids all got 'new' clothing and as much food as they could eat - we even got it catered for them! and to end the day off we had the opportunity to pass out shoeboxes to the kids from Samaritins Purse - Operation Christmas Child! I am so glad I got to be apart of that as for the past few years I have been helping sort through the boxes at the warehouse in calgary. It was so cool to get to help out with the delivery of these boxes! the kids loved it! I have really gotten attached to these children. I hope to be able to stay in touch with two sisters and kind of become a big sister to them when I go back home. Like sponsering them, but more than money. To keep the relationship alive and to pursue them with love. Little Pooja and her big sister Sangita. It is near impossible to 'pick' one kid to sponser.. but I would say that Pooja kind of chose me. I am glad that I have the opportunity to continue to do something in these kids lives even after I leave.

Now this week we are back to the university for our afternoons and mornings with the daycare with some of the street kids. We fly back to Belfast tuesday night! This week is the beginings of goodbyes. It is definately bittersweet to leave (but already I find myself thinking about next time..)

back to the familiar. somewhat.

We have made it back to Delhi- the whole group of us - safe and sound! Yesterday evening we said our goodbyes to the Mumbai group, and this morning we reached our home here in Delhi! It feels good to be back to the familiar. We know how to use the transport here and are familiar with the culutre moreso and even the language we can manage.. AND we got to see 'our kids' again - it was first on our list of to-do's! We now have the weekend to "rest" - which for us probably means MORE shopping, if I can handle any more! and lots of catching up on the computers! I think Ive spent most of my day today online trying to catch up. Hopefully more pictures will be coming your way soon. Monday we start up again, helping to plan/organize a youth camp in one of the slums. I think we are all rested and refreshed and ready to get working again. It definately felt like a different world in Mumbai, and in pune too. It really rounded our trip for us actually (and made my heart even more attached to this place!). Instead of just AMAZING ministry or just visiting and making great relationships.. now we have an awesome combination of the two. My heart is not only with the ministries AND the kids but now with FRIENDS and families here too. As I was saying goodbye yesterday I really felt strongly that it wasnt a final goodbye - I would definately love to come back. I dont know if it means leading a team and coming back for a couple weeks of ministry or to come back and stay for a good while.. I dont know. But I feel connected here. I should have seen this coming haha. I am so thankful for all the experiences we have had the opportunity to have here. Its been above and beyond what I could have imagined. And the hospitality we have experienced has been unreal. It really has made the difference. It was especially neat to spend time with people MY age that I really did connect with and just share my experience of this trip.. It was strange at first to have people looking to US for spiritual wisdom, but when we shared our lives with eachother we really saw that we are the same in so many ways. AND I have definately seen the difference and growth I have received from being apart of this DTS. It was good to just process that all with people my age I think - people that havent been on this journey with me especially.

And now we push forward for the final stretch. Only with His strength though, as I have well learned. Love and blessings to you all.

the longest update ever!

It has been sooo long since I have written on here! I dont even remember how far back I need to go to update everyone.. I havent really been able to use the computers this week mostly because of my bum ankle.

annyway. I will start at the begining. Last week sometime during the middle of the week our team of 6 took the Goa Express from Delhi to Pune. It was a 26 hour trainride - overnight - on a train stuffed FULL of Indian people. We had a good time keeping entertained with playing 'car' games like car-eoke (kareoke?) with our pods and reading a good deal. The toilets were an interesting experience, esp with an already funny stomach... but all in all it was a good ride down. The day after we got in we took the two new girls (from N Ireland - with Sword of the Spirit communities) out to buy kurtas and had a good day to rest. The rest of the team got in later that night and we frantically tried to plan out the weekends events before leaving the next morning. Thursday morn we were heading to a camp in Khandala (?) which we were leading the sessions/planning a good chunk of it. The camp was for about 100 christian youth from 4 different communities in 4 different cities in the area. And since we got all together just the night before the camp, all the planning was done during the tea breaks of the camp, etc. SO we caught the early train with some of the others from Pune and headed to the camp. The railstation was an adventure in itself! SO crowded.. it actually reminded me of high school hallways – but with way more people and all carrying luggage. Crazy. The camp itself was beautiful! There was a huge valley just off the backside of the camp. It is a very lush place with loads of trees and greenery. So on Thursday we had only one session to prepare for and a interactive time with games and dancing – the camp was split into two sections for the teachings. From 10 -17 in one and 18-30 in the other! I was in the younger age group and was prepared to give a talk on women in the missions field to the girls on Friday morning buut that happened to be the same morning that I sprained my ankle and between that and being sick already with the runs (and prob dehydrated too) I called in sick and SQ and Lidia took over for me. Thursday was a really fun day of getting to know the youth and figure out our system... but then Friday for me was basically a day of rest. The whole camp went on a 4 hour trek down the ravine (like an intense repelling down the cliffs sort of trek!) and I stayed between my room and the veranda. I was well taken care of though – getting carried to the dining hall and back and having drinks brought to me. It was actually a lesson in humility for me. I needed to be reminded to rest and be still and that its ok to not be going all the time. It was slightly humorous how it happened because even on Thursday I felt really low on energy and quite sick already, so I thought it would be good for me to take it slow.. but then when I sprained my ankle all I could say at first was ‘this is ridiculous!’. It was like God was really trying to say something clearly to me. I still don’t know exactly what that is, but I did have some really good solid hours of prayer and meditation with him. It was frustrating too, because anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE participating with all of me in any sort of camp experience. I love to go all out, and everything that I love (and feel that I am gifted in) was held back because of my health over the weekend. But like I said, definitely a lesson in humility as I had to allow everyone to serve me for basically a week straight. So I was there at the camp another day, but ended up going back a day early so I could get a lift back instead of taking the train. Again, time to rest and to pray. I've been able to do a little more forward thinking since having this happen – I'm getting really excited to come back home! Sunday everyone got home from the camp exhausted, and we went to join the community in the evening for their meeting. It is a community of believers that basically do life together – like church, but they go to church as well... I'm still learning really about what it is.. but essentially its families living together and meeting together and keeping eachother accountable. Called Sword of the Spirit Communities – when we were in Belfast we did some work with the community there. After that we went out to dinner with two of the youth leaders who basically ran the camp – Bruce and Joanna. I think they are 21 and 19.. and with a couple others in the community they are now leading the youth group... a couple times in the week we met with them to help plan and brainstorm ideas.

Whew. This is long.
Ok. ON Monday we started our ‘ministry’ with YWAM in Pune. Our contacts for the week were a couple named Anu and John, and they ran a girls orphanage/home for about 19 girls. We spent a couple days there throughout the week with the girls, dancing and singing and painting faces.. we even got to try on Sari’s one day and perform a dance for them! Another day we went to a senior’s home (but I think it was mainly widows there) and orphanage.. then another day in a slum home called Happy House which takes in HIV children and houses them until they die. The rest of the group also did a prayer walk and ministry time in the slum as well, but I opted out so that someone didn’t have to carry me on their back for 3 hours! It was good to see all these different ministries, but we really didn’t have the time to make the same lasting connections as we have with the kids in Delhi. I loved spending time in Pune just with the community members, and even with the YWAMers that we met.. just spending time and hearing about life. Every evening we also all split up and went to various houses for dinners. It was a neat way to get to know the people and the community too. Everyone was incredibly hospitable... driving us around, taking us wherever we wanted to go, coming early in the morning to take us out for breakfast, giving me medicine for my foot.. anything they could do to help. On the last day we were all together (the 5 that met up with us from Ireland were flying out from Bombay on sat I think) so on Friday, some of the girls took us out shopping again and 4 of us ended up getting our nose pierced! I love those spontaneous decisions! Dont worry.. it was at a safe place. AND cost only about 5 bucks! Then Saturday it was goodbyes.. and we caught the evening train to Mumbai/Bombay. One thing about Pune... I still haven’t figured out WHY but I felt a strong connection to the place. I mean in Delhi I LOVE the work we were apart of and really connected to the ministries and to the children... and in pune it was nice but not a really strong connection. But there was a moment, when we went out for a coffee all together that I just got a feeling in my gut that I would be coming back to Pune at some point. It is a feeling that I will hold onto... even though I have no idea what it meant. I do know that the longer I stay in India, the more it grabs ahold of my heart!

And now we are here in Mumbai! Our team went from 11 back down to 6 BUT actually its at 5 now because Brian got really really sick the last couple days in Pune and stayed there with a family to rest and get medicine. He was extremely dehydrated from being sick so long too. So there are 5 of us here in Mumbai. It is a period of rest for us – about 5 days of hanging out and eating and sleeping well. We are staying in our own flat, and so far have spent loads of time with the youth from the community here. We met most of the youth at the camp so it hasn’t taken us long to feel right at home with them.. and the best part is that youth here is exactly our age, and even a bit older.. so for myself anyway I am loving it! Sat night we went for dinner at ‘Uncle and Aunties’ house – they are the youth leaders or community parents if you will.. and dinner was more like a karaoke/dance party. EVERYONE here sings and dances soo late into the night someone was banging away on the piano or playing the guitar and we ate and danced and sang until well past midnight. Sunday we all slept in and had lunch at a couple’s house that own the flat we are staying in now (alot of the community families here seem to be rather well off) and prepared for the session that we led for the youth Sunday night. Before the session though we had a good time hanging out watching a movie and taking snaps and playing games. It really is no different from any friend group I've seen interacting.. its neat to see how similar we all are. I keep forgetting that I'm in India actually. The people we have been around are very westernized.. most of them don’t even really speak Hindi. SO Sunday night we shared with the group about Identity in Christ and the importance of having a community.. and it really opened up a good time of sharing afterwards. Turns out that for many of the youth here they are brand new to community and are really just beginning to grow in their faith. God really used our words, and it was just good timing for us to come and spend this time with them now as they are fresh from the camp experience and so filled with passion. Even today we sat with 4 of them and helped brainstorm different ministry ideas and ways to keep this all alive. Its a strange experience to have people my age and older looking to me for insight and wisdom, but encouraging too to see how God has already used us in a small way to speak into these lives. I feel inspired by the youth here myself, and it has been so good to just be with them and feed off of eachother. I think if I was here (or in Pune) longer, that I would make some really close friends with these guys.. I just get along with them so well! And every night when we all find our way back to Uncle and Aunties house there is hours of games and singing and dancing to be had. They even whipped out a couple violins last night and played some songs. The humidity here is unbelievable though and I don’t think I've stopped sweating yet! Its just constant wet.. and dancing on top of that! Man alive. Okay I think this is long enough to update you all.... we will be here in Mumbai until Thursday.. then its another long train back to Delhi – a completely different world compared to here!

Again, like Pune.. internet is difficult to come by here so I may or may not talk to you again until reaching Delhi. Love to you.

the stories unfold.

This week has been incredibly busy but ten times as good as last week! Weve been working with the street kids in the mornings and at the university in the afternoons. AND every free moment I get (when we dont have team time, etc) I go find the kids in the community centre where they 'work' and play with them and sing with them. I absolutely love these kids with everything in me! I want to do something more.. something long term for them. But I know that the best way is to pour into them NOW and to the organizations and people that are staying. Its going to be hard to say goodbye. This week carolyn and I have been spending our mornings in a sort of daycare for the kids. Between 8 to 12 kids go usually and shower, get clean and put on fresh clothes and comb their hair etc. and get chaitea and lunch and have times of prayer worship and teachings. Its a time where they learn discipline and structure. Its really good for them, and I can see the change in these kids compared to the ones who dont go. It is just the one full time worker, and he has been there for 8 years. There are so many challenges. We are planning on interviewing many of the different people we work with and their stories. So weve been cleaning the kids and trying to kill lice from their hair - which is nearly an impossible feat. Ive never seen so much lice before. Its unreal. and dancing and singing with the kids. They LOVE to dance! and then we rush over the the university to talk for a couple hours. The university has been going well this week too. Weve been learning lots and teaching some.. and really just having good conversations! Yesterday carolyn and I skipped uni and went with a medical team to where the kids live with many families. Its called the flyover.. and its literally loads of families living under and overpass on either side of train tracks. Its loud. its open. its dirty and its crowded. It was alot worse than the slums we went to. The smell wasnt so bad because it was so open, but WE smelled so much worse when we got back. I spent three hours there playing with (getting swarmed by) kids and I got more dirty in those three hours then I think I might have ever been. And that is where these kids LIVE. Its home. They are literally sleeping in dirt. Now I understand how the ones that we wash daily come back looking the same the next day. And the lice.. Im sure thats not the only parasite or insect that they deal with either, but it was the most evident to me. Lice bigger than ants, and kids hair so think with eggs that I couldnt comb through.. It was cute.. I was combing and braiding hair and there was an instant that a lice jumped into my hair without me noticing but one of the many moms standing watching saw and grabbed it out straightaway. They were looking out for me! Many people approached me with different problems too assuming I was there with the doctors to help.. I have never wanted to be able to speak another language so badly! The kids all had a riot mimicking all my faces that I make, and my laugh etc. And they played a game with us that we called pass the baby.. where people would hand us random babies and see how long it would take for them to cry! It was a surreal expereince the whole thing! But like I said, the kids that are going to the different programs are noticeably different from all these new ones we met. It neat to see the change.. and know taht they are making a difference! Walking back we ran into a whole family that we know out begging and we stopped and played for a bit. Then the kids started asking us to pray - so we prayed for their baby sister, and their cousin and auntie and their mother pulled us over to pray for her sick husband. This is a family that I think we all feel a special connection with. They really are good people - even the parents. The mom (of 4) cant be much older than I am. And the father is sick and cant work, or hardly stand. But you can tell that they do love their children. The begging really is their only income. How I want another ending for their stories though.. I dont want them to follow the cycle! I pray for healing and I pray for miracles. The kids are so happy and so trusting - this is why I love to be with them.

Ive got to run off to the University now.. last day. Happy Easter to all. love

rolling slowly

So we have been at the University for a total of 4 days now. And to be honest, it is not as easy for me as the last two weeks were. I feel more drained this week - in every way. One major difference is that here the work is slow.. with kids you get instant reactions and feel the love. I do enjoy what we are doing, and it is interesting learning more about Indian culture. Slowly we are forming relationships too and building trust. Two weeks is hardly time at all to develop friendships though. I would ask for your continued prayers for our group in this time. Today was a blessing, we had good conversation and the whole atmosphere felt lighter and less forced. Pray that it just continues to increase. And that as a group we will remain united and strong. I know that that is a very important part of who we are and what we are showing. For me personally I think I just really need to talk with my family! Ive become even more attached to them I think this year than I ever was at home - which I know my parents love! It is hard sometimes to be away from all that is going on in people's lives I love back home. I also need to spend more intentional time digesting what Im going though and thinking things through more. I need to be re-energized I think. I am looking forward to this weekend - we are having a birthday 'party' for two of the people on our team.. and we are going to a waterpark! I am so excited to just relax and have some fun.... and SWIM! Its been so long! The days are most definately getting hotter here and that might be a large part of what is affecting all of our energy levels. The past two days especially have been brutally hot, and it will only get worse! Its nice when you can go inside with fans or AC but some places dont have annd then its death. ALSO today we just moved in for 4 days with a few of our friends that we were working with in the preschools.. I am really looking forward to spending these next few days with them! They are wonderful girls. Tomorrow we are treating them to a fancy dinner, and the girls might all go get henna done as well! Its fun being able to bless people who are working so hard!

Other than that, I know that personally I am learning and growing.. but it almost seems like the majority of that will come out after I get back to my life. I think, just like I thought, this is all good practice for me. For so many different things. Its been a very practical time for me to try, and to get better at things, and to experience and do. I love getting to get my hands dirty after spending so much time taking in.

And now I go home to rest. Much love and Blessings.

a fresh start

Today we start our work at the university! We are working under the Tourism Department, and will each have about an hour during the week to give a lecture on the tourism, etc in our countries. Other than that, we are sitting in on classes, and hanging out with the students. I look forward to building some relationships! Even just in the markets or on the streets we have already experienced the curiousty that people here have for us Westerners. They want to know everything about us, and what we think of their country. Its very different from Northern Ireland! There we were always asked WHY here? Here, it is more of when are you coming back or do you want to stay! These next two weeks are going to test my knowledge of Canada that is for sure...

This past weekend we kept very busy. Friday we took the day to rest after two lonnng days of sanding and painting. And Saturday we went to a new market, then to the Street Kids Ministry. Yesterday - sunday - we drove out to Agra to see the Taj Mahal. It was magnificant! So beautiful.... and HOT in the sunlight. the white marble reflected all the sun and the heat. We spent the whole day in Agra and got in late last night... now ready.ish for a full week at the university!

time flies. and flies are everywhere.

there are so many stories to share. So many words I want to write! My heart feels like it might burst with love for the people I have met here. I actually think I was in some sort of child-deprived state for the last little while in my life.. I forget how much I LOVE the little ones! I could stay at the preschool for days and days and not grow tired. Hot and sweaty. Yes. But those kids make me so happy. Today was the last day of teaching for some time as we are starting our next thing on monday. The rest of this week we are painting and repairing the two schools and the clinic with some of the money that was raised for this trip. There is one family in specific in this slum that has my heart. They live in a one room house (like everyone else there) with 11 in the family. The oldest boy is 21 and is the main support of the family. He hopes to move to America soon. The father is sick (we dont know if it is a disease that can be digagnosed or if it is spirits). The two youngest kids are in the preschool - Deeplata and Amardeep. Ive been to this family's home four times now I think, each time being served chai tea (it is made with goats milk so I can drink it!) We sit and hear stories and encourage them (the family knows our Father, but they are losing hope) and pray for them. When we go - in shifts - in the afternoons or evenings to the slum we do house visits and the feeding program, which is giving eggs and medicine to a few select malnurished familes.

Its strange actually.. today I noticed while walking over the sewage channels and through the dusty 'streets' of the slum that I actually used to the conditions these people are living in. Not used to it enough mind you to try USING the toilet system there (basically just pull the pants down and choose a corner. seriously.) But it doesnt shock me. I think these people now have names and stories and it has helped me to see the life there instead of getting overwhelmed by the lack of hope and the poverty. My face is known as I walk through the houses, and the children trust me. And even moreso with the ones that have been there for years serving this community. Im actually really sad to leave. But I know that I will enjoy the university as well, and the house visits and night shelter.

Also, every saturday weve been hanging out with the street kids in the area for a few hours.. but we see them every day at the community centre where we eat as well. We are able to play with them and hug them and when they need it, to feed them and bandage their wounds too. They too trust us and feel our love. I am actually disappointed when I leave from lunch without seeing them! Last friday a few of us went out to eat and just to walk around for abit in the evening and we ran into about 8 or 10 of these street kids. They were really hungry and were asking us for food. At first we didnt know what to do (the kids dont usually ask US for things, if they have needs they ask our friend who leads the program). We ended up running into our friend though and talking to him, and then went out and got some biscuits and water and crackers for the kids.. so they could share and take some home too. Then we just hung out with them for awhile and played. I didnt even notice at the time, but when we finally went away to get some food for ourselves I saw that they was a crowd of Indian people standing around watching us play. In fact.. almost every time we stop to hug one of the little ones.. we get the same kind of attention. And sometimes we even get people trying to tell us to stop because we are getting dirty. Im not offended or even sad when this happens. I know that for Indian people, this is just how it is. And the kids themselves are used to it. We are the ones acting differently. I just hope that through us somehow the kids will feel their worth and their value and feel loved. and that by our actions, the people watching will at least start thinking about these kids.. and start noticing them. Im very happy that we see them every day.

As for prayers. Please pray for finances for basically every one of our friends here. And for all the different projects. Pray against the lack of hope that is everywhere. And for our continued health.. weve had a few minor issues, but nothing too serious.

So this week we are painting and on sunday is our first day of real tourism... we are off to Agra to see the Taj Mahal. I will keep you posted.. Much love.

a new day

We are full swing now in our work here in Delhi. Saturdays we are with Street Kids playing and Sunday is a day off. This week we are visiting two different slum areas - Jesola and Mohammodpur. Monday I went to the preschool in Mohammodpur just to observe mostly with Brian and Cortney, and in the afternoon all of us went to Jesola and did various jobs there. I went with Isaac and two friends. We just walked around the slum and visited with different families. A couple girls latched on to me and took me around to their houses and introduced me to all their family members. Then sat me down and did my hair... actualy any time I leave my hair down the little girls tend to grad my hair bands and start braiding my haid for me! Im starting to pick up on Hindi.. slowly. Its a difficult language - many of the words sound the same to me. I know how to ask How are you and What is your name and I know different greetings and nouns - like sandal and flower. (I love learning language and money and culture whenever I go to a new place.. its one of my favorite things about travelling!) Today I went back to Jesola and helped teach in the preschool. There was an incident with one of our friends this morning (we dont know the full story but apparently she was waiting outside the wall for another nurse to come and a drunk man came and beat her - please remember her and the others that work in the clinic) The teachers we were with had to go see if she was alright, so Carolyn and I took over the class. With almost no Hindi it was a little difficult to control the class, but I like the challenge of it! When they came back we had a quick break, like recess, and then Isaac and I took over the class again to teach some English. We shared the story of David and Goliath - translated and with big actions, and we taught some english colors and words. I love it!

Our Father has been so good to our team! I have felt so blessed here. Even when I started to feel sick with a fever/sinus cold over the weekend, He was quick to respond and gave me the strength and engery I needed each day so far. I havent been lacking in anything here. It is really good to be helping and learning from the community that is here already. They are doing great things in the places around and in Delhi. This is difficult for me to write differently than I would like to speak! I will try to answer some of the questions Ive been asked so far...

Personally, I am adjusting quite well. I dont know why, but I am blessed to be able to adapt quickly to new cultures and I tend not to get overwhelmed with very different sights and ways of life. It is all new and exciting to me here. And with the poverty and the street kids, etc.. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by the vastness of it I prefer to look at the small difference I can make in the children that I do meet. As a team we have talked about different ways to cope with everything we see.. and it is different for different people. I just want to pour all my energy and love into the kids I meet, and their parents that serve me chai tea and food out of their own poverty.. that is how I "deal" with what I see I guess. And I would rather give that than keep the cycle going by giving money and keeping the kids on the street (do I need to explain more?). Definately my strength and all I have to give comes not from me, but from above.

There is poverty all around. on all the streets. You can see the Caste System in effect everywhere you look. I would say that in the slums though it is just gathered, or centralized. There is rubbish everywhere, and people urinating anywhere they want to. So obviously it smells pretty bad. In the slums, there are children running around naked and barefoot.. and flies everywhere. As for heat, it feels HOT but so far I think its only been between 25 and 30. Next month is the start of summer and will get up to high forties. The kurtas we wear (Indian outfits) are nice in the weather, even with the long trousers and long sleeves. The mosquitoes are bad here too. We are still learning about the food. We have tried some Indian dishes - our favorites so far are the butter chicken (but I cant have that because of the dairy) and the dhal and tandori and afgani chicken. None of these dishes are too spicy. Other than that we eat fruit and salads and weve had fast food top (subway pizza hut and mcdonalds) we are still learning the foods here. Everything is so LOUD here. There is constant honking in the streets and just people everywhere! And a few times a day they play out music and prayers I think from the Muslim temples..? we also have many birds and peacocks living around our house. This is super long so I will end there.. We hope to put videos up soon! lovelove

Namaste

Hello all from INDIA! We all made it safe and sound to Delhi. We arrived on wed night after a whopping 24 hours of travel or something like that. The location we are staying in is very nice... all us 4 girls are in one room - with one bathroom/shower/toilet and the boys another. We have fans in our rooms so at night it is even cool (we just wake up with sore throats from the ceiling fans but its worth not sweating in our sleep!) And we have breakfast served to us and cleaned up after us everyday. Usually eggs, toast, cereal, and bananas. We also have a balcony for our use and we can use the roof too - for very important things like catching up on our tans (its the only place sheilded from view so we can actually wear tank tops and cropped trousers up there!). We've spent the past few days going around in autos (see facebook pictures whenever I get those up) and visiting a couple different markets. We had to have much of our shopping done before this next week, because come monday we will not be wearing western clothes very much any more. Its been alot of fun going around and purchasing Dupatas and Kurtas. The patterns and colors are all so beautiful! For food so far its been alot of take out and fast food. We have a couple people on our team who really cannot eat spicy food, so until we figure out some local dishes made with cream or cheese instead of peppers and chili, we will be eating at more common places . We did try one Indian restaraunt - Al-Bake. And it was pretty good.. the butter chicken is perfect for me, but the Chicken Korma ( which is usually a perfectly sweet indian meal) was really hot. SO weve had mcDonalds and pizza hut and and indian fast food joint called Fast Trax a couple times. Tonight a local friend is taking us around the community centre - where we eat daily - and showing us the good/safe restaraunts and shops and good foods to eat. My "role" is kind of being developed as time goes on. For sure I am in charge of transportation - meaning arranging and bargaining for the autos (they usually charge double for us because of the "white tax" so I try and haggle it down to half that) and all the budgeting for that as well. Also, I am helping Lidia create the schedule while we are here.. and any rotas or calenders as needed.. and planning any tourist things. so far.

Today we are going with another friend to a street program where we will be playing with kids for a couple hours! And monday we start with our regular program - which we dont even know yet! Delhi is very different from any place Ive been before. But so far I really like it. Im just soaking everything in! Some of the team members so far I think have found the poverty and beggers and the shopping with the bargaining very overwhelming, so it is good that we have debriefing and accountability as a team. I look forward to seeing and experiencing more...

I will keep you posted!
Love joy peace.

to everyone.

This will be my final blog written from Belfast, Northern Ireland. I cant believe it! Tomorrow I am off to India! We are packed, and today we spent literally ALL day cleaning the entire house (washing the walls even.. it was intense). We are taking the midnight bus tomorrow to Dublin and flying in at 6 in the morning from there. meaning, we will get zero sleep tomorrow night. We start off in India the first couple days just getting adjusted and buying new clothes and the like. Then we buckle down. Working in the clinics in the slums - with feeding and weighing programs - and in the universities - teaching classes on tourism of our countries and builing relationships - in orphanages and schools - painting and playing with the kids - and with the street kids ministry on saturdays. I want to say it again THANK YOU to you all who helped with raising funds for this trip. We had enough money come in for our 'extra', which was the video camera, and we will be sending videos homeward bound as often as we can. We would love to be able to show you exactly where your money went. ( We have already tested the camera out; filming the boys trying the catch and kill the mouse in our kitchen! no success yet... )

I also wanted to tell everyone that I will be cutting down considerable on correspondence (mainly from facebook) while Im gone. Partially because Im not sure how much internet time we will have, but also because I want to remain focused while there and really spend my time differently than I typically do. I want it to be different, because I want to be changed thoroughly! I will say that I will continue writing blogs so keep checking this. And I never refuse updates from anyone, in fact I welcome them. Please remember to keep us all in your prayers in this time. We are entering into unknown grounds. (and of course, I am excited for that reason!)

So for now I say goodbye. Next time you hear from me it will be from the land of the Indians. Love to you all and Blessings.

and here we go

It interesting.. today I made the comment that I feel that I have come back around full circle in my thoughts and my passions.. but not like Ive gone backward at all. Let me try that again. I started out with this DTS saying that I wanted a raw christianity. The months leading up to this time I was talking and dreaming big. I have alot of passion, and I just wanted to get out into the world and DO and ACT and BE. I wanted to make an impact, big or small... and live my life as if I believe that Jesus' words are true. I was battling with how to make that all come to fruition in my life and in the church where I life, etc. And I needed to go through a time here of learning and growing, especially in the area of community and interdependence. But really, I needed all of it. Ive learned SO MUCH, and now Im at the same place, but with all my foundations much more secure than they were. Does that make sense? I feel SO ready to get out and DO something. Ive got ideas coming out of my ears! There is nothing in me that wants anything to do with a sensible and practical life. If Im not living out for Jesus than I see no point in it! Im ready to make some radical changes. Im done with sitting and learning (for now.. but surely not forever) and ready for the action - even if that looks like cleaning up after someone else for weeks on end. I just want to try.

So this week, if you cant tell, we are learning about missions and evangelism. But really its been more of risk taking and faith and perserverence. I like it. And the week before was on team building, which is really good as we prepare to leave for India. We did some self awareness stuff and conflict handling stuff. I really enjoyed taking a deeper look into all that.. and getting a better understanding of the whys behind us all. It turns out that according to the Myers Briggs test, there are four of us on the DTS with the same preferences in our personalities. And we all get along really well!

We officially have two weeks left here.. One week of lectures and one of final preparations! I cant believe it! Most of the work I will be taking on in India will have to be done once in india.. there is not a TON of prep work I can do. So I am keeping myself very busy with everything else! Doing alot of encouragments and cards and planning aton of different kinds of things. We are all trying our hardest to make the most of our final weeks all together with different meals planned and parties and get togethers.. and of course there are alot of final blessings that people are creating to bless one another. I must go now.. but please continue to pray that everything for our trips go smoothly. I will try to update you again before leaving.

lovelove

a lesson in teaching.

I am evermore so grateful for the friends I have surrounding me here on this school. The mixture of encouragement (so much sometimes that it is all I can do to surpress the tears and say a simple thank you) and the challenges they give. My friends speak truth. Because they know me and they see even the things I try to hide and try to deny. You really cant hide that well when you are spending your entire existance with the same small amount of people for all this time. These people here know me quite well, and still they love me. Its a really cool feeling. I need to remember this feeling. I need to remember that this TIMES a LOT is how GOD thinks of me. He doesnt just love me because Hes God and its His character. He actually LIKES me. And wants to be around me. where this all came from is because this week we got together and had to plan a church service in a hour.. and it just ended up that Cortney and I were left with delivering the message. Writing a sermon. OH MAN. That is what I said. soo I agreed with alot of hesitancy and loads of self doubt. I already had to give the message just the week before in Dublin.. and I dont mind preparing a talk, but I really lost all confidence when speaking it out. Its true that we are our own worst critics. I expect nothing short of perfection from myself in alot of areas and it is quite the process letting that go. I am just so thankful for the words of truth and wisdom spoken to me from my friends here. I am simply not allowed to talk about myself that way. They hold me accountable and give me the strength when I feel weak. Once again I say it is an amazing feeling living in this community. God is slowly working with me in areas of my life that have been left untouched for so long. You know, the areas that are so surpressed and untouched that its so easy to ignore and focus on more obvious things? Well I guess this is what soul surgery feels like. But the thing is.. it doesnt hurt. Not at all. It is so freeing! Youd think that youd get tired of continually feeling like you have no control and you just are grasping one thing when another slaps you in the face... but Im not at all. I love it. I love the process of it. I am no longer expecting to HAVE it. or to GET it. I can analyze my thoughts for days and I can pinpoint sins and behaviour patterns and all that.. and thats fine to do sometimes.. but the most important part of all this is the love. The action of love. Thats a little bit of what I spoke about on Sunday.. about how the greatest of the commandments is to LOVE God and LOVE people and that love is also the greatest GIFT we have to offer.. annnd that in the Great Commission the bottom line is to GO and TEACH my new disciples to obey my commands.. soo to teach them to love?

We were learning about the Kingdom of God this week in lectures annd well it was really not what I was expecting. I was pleasantly surprised. I wont go into detail about what it was about... beccause I think Im still processing that. I got alot of little bits of information though. And alot of Him putting words to what I was already thinking. I love when that happens. I think Im at the point in my life now where I am aware that I cant stay in this state for very much longer. This is a very safe and controlled and loving environment where I am constantly being stretched and taught and encouraged and uplifted.. but I think I understand that I do need to see if this has worked... I need to see if these truths have made it down to every part of me. I need to be tempted and challenged and faced with mountains.. that is the best way to grow I do believe. I am ready for that next part of my life.. maybe not fully prepared once again, but ready to give it a go. And only because I KNOW that God has got my back - well actually he's got a whole lot more than that! annd I KNOW that I will fail. Like I said.. this is a journey and I am no longer impatiently waiting til I have it. It doesnt matter that I dont have all my theologies worked out and all my answers carefully lined up and all my resistant techniques for all the temptations of the world. I am just glad that I get to be living this all out.

ANNND I am very very excited for India. we leave in less than a month! Wowza. Today we had a day off so we could work on all the little details that have built up to do for this trip. I have to do stuff for fundraising still, and look for luggage that is easier to take to India, and go to the doctors for vaccinations etc. And theres all the memory-making things that we are trying to get in before we split up into two groups. Weve got a birthday party this weekend, and for Vday on sat we cooked a nice meal for the guys and had a valentines party. We are all painfully aware that our time is coming to and end all together, so we are trying to get as much in as possible. SO, Im off to go work on that never ending list of mine. Blessings to all.

a letter

In a month our group here is going to split up and head to our individual places for the second phase of our DTS. Our team of 6 is heading to India for about 10 weeks. We've been doing a lot of preparing and planning for this trip ahead of time as we (the students) are going to be doing the majority of the work for it ourselves. We do have a correspondence in India currently who has been very helpful with preparation...and the list of opportunities for service just keeps growing. The latest news we have been receiving has been requests if we can do specific projects once in Delhi.. all these things which we would be happy to be helping with. The only problem is that our budget was not made to include any of these extra things and if we agreed to help we would also need to fund it ourselves and provide resources. These 'extra' projects that we have been hearing about include painting a clinic and a primary school, working with Mercy Ministries in their clinics, and in Orphanages with their children projects. We need the finances for resources like paint and paint supplies, medical supplies, as well as shipping supplies as we have some being donated to us, Chilren's art supplies (things like coloring books, craft supplies, face paints). On top of these resources needed we also would like to be able to help the specific organizations and individuals we will be working with there. We only have first names so far of the people we will be working with - Siby, Namkha, Alex and Simon are all working with the Jamia University students and Esther and Julius are heading up the Mercy Minstries in the slums of Delhi (with 13-16 others working with them). Because of the delicacy of their relationships, these people are not working under the title of any specific organization, besides the Mercy Ministries, but they are affiliated with YWAM. We want to go with financial support and resources to bless these people as well as with our hands and hearts. But, like I said, as these things were not in our original budget, we do not have the money for this now. We are asking for your help in this. If you and some others wanted to get together and as a group support a specific project ( like the paintings of the schools ) or if you personally feel like you want to help support any of this work that is being done in India, you can contact me or my family and we can go from there. We would prefer to be able to take money with us and buy supplies as necessary once there, to save room in our luggage and to help the economy there, so the best way to help in this would be to write cheques or give cash - and if you want a tax refund for the cheque it needs to be made out to YWAM Belfast, and sent as soon as possible as we are leaving in a month! Please feel free to ask me any questions and I will try my best to find the answer and get back to you.

Again, I stress the urgency of this. Please help spread the word. These funds we will be collecting is not for OUR group, but to aid the work that is already being done there. It is so that we will be able to do more than we originally intended, to give help where it is desperately needed.

Thank you!

JENNIFER VOLKMAN

Amidst the Whirlwind

I cant even remember the last email or blog Ive written! I know it hasnt been THAT long, but it really does feel like it. Somehow things have been getting even more busy around here. Now that outreach preperation is in full swing we are getting less and less free time and more 'homework'. I really like it though. We have to take this seriously, its not just an experience here that we will be done with in four months. I am getting life skills here that I will be using the rest of my life.. and I think it is especially good that I still need to make the concious effort to spend time with God and grow with Him individually.. Its not all just done for me. It would be easy to get caught up with the doing here annd the relationships even, but I have to constantly remind myself that I need that personal self control and discipline especially if I want this to maintain after leaving this environment.

So a little update on my life here.. Work duties have switched so now instead of groceries I am cleaning/organizing the office with Carolyn - which is really nice to get to know her before India as we are eachothers one-on-one there. So twice a week we go and clean the kitchen or take the rubbish out or whatever needs to be done. Because we have access to internet there and photocopiers we are also given some tasks for India to help Lidia out.. I like to be included in all the prep and behind the scenes stuff as well.. I feel like Im really getting an idea of all it takes to plan a trip like this. So that happens mondays and thursdays. On Tuesday I still cook - now with steph (we made an awesome pasta dish last this week, mom you will be glad to know that I am getting aLOT more confident in the kitchen!) Wed we now have outreach prep for two hours in the afternoon, and then after dinner I have local outreach at the youth club with Cortney. Thurs morn I have Breakfast Club with Isaac - serving breakfast at a primary school. And friday I have cleanup after lunch and after the community meal with all YWAM staff and friends.

This week I was put in charge with Brian to lead a time (an hour and a half) of intercession on India, so we had to research for that... it went well I felt. And in a couple weeks time I am leading a time of worship and devotional with Isaac for the India team. This next week we are all going down to Dublin! for a week of outreach (that word is everywhere!) and I am in charge of transportation with Jack. Team Jack and Jen! We plan on coming up with some ridiculous games for people to play on the trains or something. So Megan and Nosipho are really the only two that I am not really doing anything with right now! that is just an idea of how busy we are.. Then there are the journals and books to read and anything additional.. LIKE this week we had the task to write a psalm everynight, then read it out to the class the next day. It was really neat. When you write something so honest and personal to God and have the chance to share that with people who are walking along side you.. its a cool experience.

This week of lectures was on worship. It was a really strange week for me really. It was a full torent of emotions. Over all I experienced this week though, the highs and the lows.. the one thing that really rang true for me all week was that worship does not depend on me and my circumstance, but it is about praising the God who does not change, and the comfort that comes from that. AND the amazing truth that God carries me when Im at my lowest and often it is in the form of friends and family around me. I really felt the love of the community in a fresh way this week as I was going through a hard time, and in return, when I was filled afresh with the living joy, I was able to return that love and hold up my friends too. The support is so necessary. I am realizing that more and more. When I was too weak to hold my head up, my friends carried me through. it was beautiful. I absolutely love living in this community, and want to build up/experience that same sense of community wherever I am. As a group we went through a bit of a weird week too.. but all the challenges just seem to make us stronger and more united. As we prayed for India on Thursday we got the picture that there was a door blocking the country to us and the key was in our unity - but that we have to guard that because it is the weapon that will be most strongly attacked.

I have been getting many ideas over the past few weeks of things that I want to DO once I get home and I am really excited to take these steps. I believe that I really am getting equiped here. Most of you have probably been apart of my ideas of what I want to do and see. In calgary and throughout this world. My dreams are big, and I want to inspire others to dream as well.

Im going to end on that note. Things are crazy here and there always seems like there is a conversation that needs to happen or something that needs to be written. Every once and awhile I love doing absolutely nothing that I am obligated to do. That is going to be my day tomorrow. (and was my weekend away last weekend in Newcastle.) Please continue to pray, especially for strength against any spiritual attacks. And for the continued unity of our house. I love you all. You are so precious to me, more and more in fact! Blessings.

In addition and Moreso

So to add to the last post.. Its been another week and therefor another meeting about India. In addition to the list of jobs I already have Ive also been assigned the MINISTER OF FUN - which is a role Ive seemed to pick up since being here..I really dont mind it! `Basically it means that any days out we want to plan I will be planning. Like going to the Taj Mahal. And riding an elephant. Those kinds of things. ALSO I am in charge (with Lidia, our leader) to plan out and arrange all the invites we are expecting to receive. Our ministry in mainly connecting with peoplé soo we are expecting to get invited to manyy meals and tea times.. and I will have to organize when and where. I really think that all my responsibilities have been given to me for a specific purpose. I think that thses are the things that I need to do and to practice, because these will be things I will need for this next stage of my life. It suits my personality perfectly... organizing and planning and having fun and playing.. not to mention doing relationship instead of preaching.. it is so much more ME... but still areas that I need to grow and learn and practice. It will be building on mz strengths. We are still getting word back about culture and where we will be staying actually. We are focusing right now on building up our team and finding our roles.. unity. And on ´getting our visas for India. I would appreciate prayer too that there arent any more vaccinations that I will be needing that arent covered here... Because money for that will be coming out of my own pocket. We are in the process of registering for a UK Health Card annd if accepted for that, there are a certain amount of vaccinations that are covered under that card. Im just waiting to hear back from that.

In other news, this past weekend we had our first real practice since ´being here. We helped organize and run a conference for ýouth... There are a couple Christian communites that gather évery year or something and this year we were asked to participate with the youth. My team was in charge of the 12 to 18 year olds.. we had about 20 kids and there were 6 of us. I was (again) the Minister of Fun and created the games and got the kids to participate and such. We alll helped with the teaching then too annd Split up and led different small group sessions. I MISS LEADING A SMALL GROUP!! The girls I had were about the age of my girls at home that I was helping to lead, annd it really reminded me of them. I never even realized that I had been learning and growing in that area really until being thrown into a different group. I really enjoy that setting of discipleship and teaching, way more than standing up in front and talking. I love the communication. It was probably the third time since being here that I felt like I was back at home.. The first when i was down in Newcastle with a family, and went to a yuothgroup there (all youth groups have the same feel) annd the second when I babysat for a family here!! It was just like I was back at home doing what I love to do. And what is amazing is taht all these skills that I now have were all picked up on just doing what I love to do in my church. Serving in promiseland (sunday school) and youth. I guess all along God was preparing me... and I am so thankful!

This past week in lectures we learned about sin and the cross..but the emphasis was definately moreso about giving life. Meeting people in their 'hell' and bringing light. Being Jesus to people and by that to reintroduce people to themselves... as they were intended to be. Pretty much it was what I already know and our lecturer just was able to put mz thoughts into beautiful words. I want to live a life of adding color to people's lives. I want to pour out love, and that is it. I am definately abandining all notions of trying to become all theological and trying to understand and to have all the answers. I just want to share in this love. (dont get me wrong though, I still very much so think that we do need to love God with our minds... Im just sick of people getting caught up on the dos and the donts and the trivial matters instead of the heart matters.) None of this was new for me... Its what I was saying before leaving even... it was just worded so beautifullý over the week.

Something I definately HAVE learned - not just in my head but in my heart as well - is the importance of community. People around me to edify and encourage me and to support me and maybe to point out my irrationalities and mý impatience. To grow with. AND to have a place that receives people with welcome arms. And sends people out. I cant do this on my own. How exciting too to have a place to infect people you love with your passion! That reminds me... all the words that describe what Im going through, experiencing, and learning right now begin with P. It is kind of funny. PASSION, perserverence, purpose, practice, prayer, patience, Pursue, promise, planning... all very exciting. Ive discovered that I have such a passion for getting people to dream big and to pursue their passions. to enpower people to do. I love that idea.

I hope to get some pictures up on facebook soon. So check it out... Thanks for listening! OH something else just quick... it has been overwhelming the amount of love and joy that ALL of us in óur family has been expereincing. We have bonded so closely and feel such a strong sense of love to one another. I think.. this is me putting words into Gods mouth... that the way we are living and learning is making God happy. It sounds childish, but I really think He is blessíng us. We are learning what true community feeels like and I dont know how I could ever go back! good things. good things.

ps. Im using a GERMAN computer to write this and the keyboard is slightly different so sorry about all the spelling errors.

India Update!

So my break was great. I had a good mix of rest and of adventure, went to a few different places on the island and was also streched a great deal by God. He revealed yet another area in my life that needs repentence and change and it is a journey that has only just begun (and will be difficult definately) but I know that all in all I am becoming the woman that God intended me to be.



Now we are halfway into the week learning about the Holy Spirit. How exciting! I dont have the time to explore that here now, but hopefully soon I will get to come back to elaborate...



Today we just had our first outreach meeting.. talking about INDIA! I am soo looking forward to this. So our team consists of Lydia as the leader and Brian, Isaac, Carolyn, and Cortney as the other team members with me. We will be spending the majority of our time in Dehli and a little in Nuni (?). As a team we each have different roles that we will be filling for the practical side of doing outreach.. things like the budget, childrens programs, worship, and team meetings.... MY role that Ive been given is a blend of alot! Basically I will be taking care of all the loose ends that come up. Ill be creating the rotas for chores and cooking, and making the menu, doing the shopping, arranging the transportation (taxis and buses mainly) and anything else that needs to be done. I guess like the orangizer of the team? As well as making some sort of Adult Program, or planning that. So I will be delegating who would be preaching or who would be sharing their testimony and what the structure would look like for any Adult service we would have. We dont know yet what kinds of things we will be doing or who we will be working with, so that is to come. Alot of it is last minute though so we will prepare as much as possible beforehand. Ive been asking God to strech me and challenge me, and I really feel like that is what He has got in mind.

-the computer cut me off short that time... I will just post this as it is (I wrote it about a week and a half ago..)