a turn around.

This summer is winding up to be very different than I anticipated! I had 'planned' or thought that I would get a job, hang out at the beach alot by myself, make a few friends through a Bible study or something and really get a sense of focus for whats next. And at first it looked like it was turning into that.. I thought I had found a job (Im STILL not sure whats going on with that. The short story is that I was hired, but she told me to call when I got back from vacation, and Ive called multiple times and even went in but apparently she hasnt been around - I cant get through to her at all!) and I thought this job felt right -you know, like I could treat it as more than a job. Now I think Ive wasted too much time on this one that I wont be able to try for anything else. Its strange that half my time here is up already almost! I am trusting that God has the answers for this one even if I cant see it. Somewhere in there might be a lesson in trusting Him with my finances, because I am really going to be cutting it close now. But me and Him have had many a conversation about this, and although I dont get it, I feel ok about it and I am at peace. I followed where I thought He was leading, so I can only continue to do that now! Besides work, my greatest 'needs' I felt was community. Or better put, just friends! and I have been really blessed in that area. Ive not only met a few people that I get along with, my Ive gotten to know a group of people that I feel comfortable with and really enjoy spending time with. They might all be older than me, but I still have quite a bit in common with them. They have kept me entertained with hiking and swimming and game nights, as well as challenging conversations. Its almost like Im having the typical summer that I never once experienced - but in a really cool place. Im staying at 'home' and hanging out with friends and doing all the fun summer activities I never had the time for! This may seem like a small accomplishment to some, but for me to be able to balance rest and fun and growth all together is no small feat. Im finally able to practice the discipline that Ive always told myself too. I still need work on some areas... but one thing that has changed in me definitely is that I am way more open to the Spirit's voice. I still have no idea what I am doing in calgary next year. But that no longer feels like THE big question. I have my dreams and I have my passions and I can truly say that I am living life abundantly. I am loving God and I am loving people. and in small ways I think I am making a difference. I would love to go back to school when I go home and learn more and find a job that I find purpose in - so if that door opens to me I will be jumping at that (but for those that havent heard yet, missionary is the title Im claiming now but there are still many unknowns surrounding that!). But Im going to start the way I left, with all that Im holding onto being my Christian Faith. My life would make no sense at all if God wasnt in it! and I love it that way.

prospects and expectations

Today I got a call from the local diner and landed an interview with the owner tomorrow morning. that is great news. I just handed my application in yesterday. God is good. They need a hostess and I have (some) experience from my days at Applebees. So, if all goes well, hoppefully I will have a job waiting for me to start once I get home from my birthday vacation! Also, I look forward to checking out a college group that meets on wednesdays... see if any solid relationships come out of that. Its been nice and relaxing so far being here. Ive had the chance to call and skype a few friends and am staying in touch with all my friends across the world. My aunt and I are getting along just great - if you ask her I might be a little on the messy side. But I help cook and I hope Im better company than the Tv or phone! I think we both enjoy having eachother around.

But, besides all these normalities and adjustments... there is something stirring within me. I just finished reading a book by Frank Peretti - one of his first - all about spiritual warfare. And I must say, it is real. I refuse to be put to sleep and to just go through the motions here. I have come to know my God more intimately than ever before, and have come so much closer to understanding His vast love. that needs to be talked about. And the evils of this world need to be combatted against. So tonight as I head to bed I am not so concerned about my job interview tomorrow, or about what I will fill my day with. Im ready to pray, and to pray seriously. For all my loved ones and dear friends around the world, and for the city that I have felt called back to for some time, and for the place I am in now. I dont know what God wants to tell me, but I am ready to listen. I know how easy it is to just do (which is very different than when I write that Im ready to just DO. notice the caps.) and so I will fight back with all the human strength I have. I want to expect of God. I want to see Him working and I want to be surprised and blown away again and again by His power and majesty and His love and faithfulness.

and I want this all to last. persistance. (stubborness used for good). that is just where Im at.

a new journey

I cant believe its been almost a month since last writing a blog! Where oh where does the time go?! That means its been almost a month since INDIA already. dear me. Its hard to believe sometimes that in the past three weeks I went from India to N. Ireland to California... three VERY different cultures. God has been extremely faithful through all the transitions, and even moreso He has been showering blessings upon me as well! It was so good to be reunited again with the other half of our family in Belfast and to swap stories about our different adventures. Whats cool too is that through their stories I can see even more of Gods purpose in putting me on the team I was on and His intention for sending me to India. It really was the perfect fit for me. I loved hearing all the stories of Rwanda and Burundi too though... I wonder if one day I will make it there..? Our trip was definitely a relationship focused one, especially with the kids that we were with for a solid 7 weeks at the community centre. Theirs focused alot more on reconciliation teaching. It was just good to be back all together. My sleeping patterns quickly adjusted to that of little to no sleep as I would stay up most the night talking and sharing dreams and wake up in the morning for debriefing with our YWAM leader. We talked through the entire DTS and gave evaluations and well as talked about transitioning back into our lives at home. I feel somewhat prepared for coming back home because I was gone before (to KY) and have done the re-entry thing. But still I know there will be unseen challenges. The biggest thing is going to be disciplining myself to keep up what just came naturally in the DTS setting (finding a community of believers, someone to keep me accountable, intercession times, taking roles of leadership, bible studies, etc) AND to spread and inspire this passion that I have now with humility NOT pride. but before any of that happens.... I am here in California for the summer! Ive got a lot to figure out here too. Ive got to find a job. find a church. find friends. Im creating a whole new life here. kind of exciting! But, like my dad said, my 'mission' its just for home or for later. its right here right now. God has a plan and purpose for me being here in santa cruz and I dont intend to sit on my butt and wait for lightning to strike. I am looking forward to spending a good deal of time going through my journals and digging through the bible and cementing some of the truths that Ive learned and growing in new ways too this summer. I also look forward to exploring around this part of california and really getting to know the area.

... this post has spread over a couple days now... this past week has seemed very full. I think I am STILL recovering from jet lag. Ive been so blessed to be able to see my parents and my brother in the past week. It was so great to spend time with family. Its weird how normal it feels to be with them. Our relationships havent really changed, but I know I have a different world view than when I left and its interesting to see that come out in conversation. Its strange to not really have any stories in common though - because everything I know from the past year is a different world from what they have experienced. It was good to just BE with them most of all. There was no pressure to exlode with all my lifes dreams or anything. [i love you guys!] and its been good to have regular communication with them again. On the other hand, it has been extremely hard to not be with my DTS friends for a week. and its hard hearing about their struggles adjusting to life. I just want to be there with them... Through it all though I know God is faithful. I feel him right next to me all the way.. and I look forward to this journey