I know I'm always saying this... but tomorrow really is the start of something new in my life. again.
I'm following what I felt God telling me to do over this past bit, and Im going back to school. Im actually really excited about this school. I found it quite randomly online almost exactly a year ago now while I was in California. Being in Cali for the summer confirmed my desire to return to school, and a couple of times God really seemed to validate that desire with messages of His own. When I finally started looking into it I almost instantly found the 'Intercultural Program' that I am now enrolled in. Of course, this program is offered at basically any Bible College these days, but I just wasn't impressed with the places I was looking at. I googled the program to see what else was out there. Bethany College of Missions was one of the first schools to pop up. As I scrolled through the course description and the statements of belief and all that jazz it just felt right. A few things on the website even brought chills to me as I read through... as if God had specifically planted those things as 'signs'. I logged off soon after, but bookmarked the page for future reference... thinking that I really couldn't have found an answer so fast and I would need to spend some serious time researching praying and thinking once I got back home.
Little did I know how much of an impact that one brief look at this school's webpage would change my future! I basically gave up thinking about any other school or program. I was set on this one. I began now praying about school at all. Was that really where God wanted me? Or would it end up being more of a waste of time and money?? I went back and forth over this for SO long. Even after I applied actually, I was still unsure about me even going to school. I was at the place where I was completely and totally willing to go to school or to be rejected and just go abroad as is trusting God to open another door (whether that meant going to school overseas or applying to work at a missions agency or something completely different). But, I got in. And I haven't looked back since. I am SO SO SO excited to just learn. I was always a bit of a nerd in school... I love reading and learning and soaking in information. Even if I do usually forget it directly after! I definitely feel like I am in a place to be back in the school environment. Im looking forward to living in a dorm. Im excited to build relationships with the other students and with teachers. and Im excited to be taking a bite of something a little bigger this time. to actually commit to something longer than just a year. (although, if I didn't like it at BCOM I don't technically have to go back next year!). As excited as I am, there are a few things that I can't help feeling nervous about. Like living in America again! It's been awhile since Ive lived here and both my views and America itself HAS changed. I really have no idea about American politics these days. Not from within the States that is. And Ive forgotten just how badly the recession has affected America. More so than Canada that is for sure. And Im not really sure to be honest if the school Ive signed up for is going to have views I agree with in everything. I guess Im nervous too that if a professor is teaching something as fact, but from one point of view, that I will have no knowledge to even question it. I am really hoping and praying for a balanced education, and a look from differing perspectives. So that I can go to God and figure out truth from the source.. not just believing something because I don't know better. I really want to stay in an intimate relationship with God this entire time. I dont want it ever to become about the grades or the assignments more than its about Him. And I do not want to get into arguments, whether its politics or theology, unless its done in a constructive way. (And still, I'd probably just end up listening instead of arguing!). I know that I don't have all the answers. And I don't care to ever get to that point. I simply want to KNOW God more. and to deepen my love for Him and my HUNGER for Him. And then be able to give out of that overflow.
The desire is still the same. Its what I want regardless of where I am or what Im doing. Yes, so many things come and go in life... and there are so many things that make me sad, and that make me happy. I could honestly probably be okay doing just about anything. But I choose to pursue God relentlessly. Wherever I feel led. And tomorrow that is taking me to Bloomington, MN. To be a college girl.
O boy.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
the start of another.
It is so strange being in a quiet house tonight. For a month now I have been on the run. Staying in a different house every 2 - 5 nights pretty much. It has been such a fun adventure! and it is not even done yet. Im hoping though that this week in Oregon will be a reflective one. I havent processed a single thing this summer... I rushed straight from my job to London and on to India without a breath. I have a feeling that Im going to get to school in a few weeks and everyone will think Im crazy!!
Looking back though, it is so cool to see how faithful God has been over the last month. All the things I was worried about were completely taken care of. Once again, the word grace meant so much to me while I was in India. There were so many times I would just be sitting and be overcome with gratefulness of just being there.. fulfilling a dream. Now Im not exactly sure the future reasons behind India for me. I have no clue even as to what this country will actually mean to me. But for now I now that I have deep rooted friends in this foreign country, and it has become a home base of sorts for me. I know I could go back now, at any time, and have people to stay with and work to do. My time back was to establish that I think. I was often amazed at how comforable I felt back in the Indian culture. I was reminded of how I actually enjoy the challenges. I love the fighting culture. I like the food. I enjoy the chaos. It was so much fun to live in that again. and to be able to show it off to my friends. AND see them experience it all for the first time. In no time at all, we were all crossing roads Indian style with ease. And eating with our hands. and even speaking Hindi a little.
I am so thankful for the group of people that decided to trust both God and me, amd join me on this adventure.
Our time of debriefing was short.. we were all eager to get in as much last minute as we could. But the sense around the table was of thankfulness and love. That last day was super hard to leave and say goodbyes to the kids. Some real connections were built... and I could see some people possibly coming back again in the future. I just told everyone there to pray me back, because I want to come. But God must provide the means and the time!!
So, the answer is yes. I would do this again. And again and again. as tiring as it was... I loved being able to introduce people to needs, to children, to Gods work... and watch it all unfold. In fact, I would even go as far as to say that it might have been intentional that I was sick and tired during this trip so that looking back I know that there is no way I can take any credit. It could not have been done on my strength. But in my weakness God was strong... and He carried this group. And I believe He has mighty work in store because of this experience.
As always.. the journey has just begun!
Looking back though, it is so cool to see how faithful God has been over the last month. All the things I was worried about were completely taken care of. Once again, the word grace meant so much to me while I was in India. There were so many times I would just be sitting and be overcome with gratefulness of just being there.. fulfilling a dream. Now Im not exactly sure the future reasons behind India for me. I have no clue even as to what this country will actually mean to me. But for now I now that I have deep rooted friends in this foreign country, and it has become a home base of sorts for me. I know I could go back now, at any time, and have people to stay with and work to do. My time back was to establish that I think. I was often amazed at how comforable I felt back in the Indian culture. I was reminded of how I actually enjoy the challenges. I love the fighting culture. I like the food. I enjoy the chaos. It was so much fun to live in that again. and to be able to show it off to my friends. AND see them experience it all for the first time. In no time at all, we were all crossing roads Indian style with ease. And eating with our hands. and even speaking Hindi a little.
I am so thankful for the group of people that decided to trust both God and me, amd join me on this adventure.
Our time of debriefing was short.. we were all eager to get in as much last minute as we could. But the sense around the table was of thankfulness and love. That last day was super hard to leave and say goodbyes to the kids. Some real connections were built... and I could see some people possibly coming back again in the future. I just told everyone there to pray me back, because I want to come. But God must provide the means and the time!!
So, the answer is yes. I would do this again. And again and again. as tiring as it was... I loved being able to introduce people to needs, to children, to Gods work... and watch it all unfold. In fact, I would even go as far as to say that it might have been intentional that I was sick and tired during this trip so that looking back I know that there is no way I can take any credit. It could not have been done on my strength. But in my weakness God was strong... and He carried this group. And I believe He has mighty work in store because of this experience.
As always.. the journey has just begun!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Our days are coming to an end here in Delhi. It is a sad thing to say goodbye, even after such a short time. Some of the group is ready to head back; to have a warm shower and not sweat the instant you step out. And some of the group is not yet ready to leave this all here. Most everyone has that special child or worker that they have deeply connected with. It takes work, but it is so worth it to keep in touch with that person.
Personally, I am so sad to be leaving my little kids here again. Thursday night we broke the news to the kids in the Centre that we would be leaving for Canada soon, and the reaction we got surprised me. The kids were SO sad. Some of the little girls, including my 'sister', Sangita, started crying. She said she waited so long for me to come back like I said I would, and now Im leaving again. Her reaction was first of anger, then a deep sadness. The reason this surprised me was because out of all the young girls we see she is the toughest. She never joins in any of the programs or the 'work' that the other kids do. I dont know if this is her choice or her parents... but because of it she knows no english (where the other older kids can communicate somewhat with us) and always seems very angry and very hardened. I dont know why she chose me last time I was here, but she did. And I guess its just good for me to know that my letters and my prayers actually do really matter to her. So its hard to leave these kids. Especially because this time I really dont know when I will be able to come back. They will be grown up... maybe even married off next time I come! But I leave trusting them to the Father's care. I have to believe that he is good and will watch over them. He is able to do far more than I ever could for these kids. But we must remember and we must share their stories. And that gives me all the more reason to support the work that IS happening here as well.
On the other hand, I am ready to come home for the next adventure of my summer. I know I need rest. The best place for me to get that is with family, so I am really looking forward to this next week in Oregon with my family. And before I know it, I will be heading out to school! And James will be married!!I cant believe that. This trip has been so long in coming, its so strange to have it nearly done.
I just tell everyone here to pray me back! That is the best way.
Personally, I am so sad to be leaving my little kids here again. Thursday night we broke the news to the kids in the Centre that we would be leaving for Canada soon, and the reaction we got surprised me. The kids were SO sad. Some of the little girls, including my 'sister', Sangita, started crying. She said she waited so long for me to come back like I said I would, and now Im leaving again. Her reaction was first of anger, then a deep sadness. The reason this surprised me was because out of all the young girls we see she is the toughest. She never joins in any of the programs or the 'work' that the other kids do. I dont know if this is her choice or her parents... but because of it she knows no english (where the other older kids can communicate somewhat with us) and always seems very angry and very hardened. I dont know why she chose me last time I was here, but she did. And I guess its just good for me to know that my letters and my prayers actually do really matter to her. So its hard to leave these kids. Especially because this time I really dont know when I will be able to come back. They will be grown up... maybe even married off next time I come! But I leave trusting them to the Father's care. I have to believe that he is good and will watch over them. He is able to do far more than I ever could for these kids. But we must remember and we must share their stories. And that gives me all the more reason to support the work that IS happening here as well.
On the other hand, I am ready to come home for the next adventure of my summer. I know I need rest. The best place for me to get that is with family, so I am really looking forward to this next week in Oregon with my family. And before I know it, I will be heading out to school! And James will be married!!I cant believe that. This trip has been so long in coming, its so strange to have it nearly done.
I just tell everyone here to pray me back! That is the best way.
Monday, July 26, 2010
I do not remember the last time I have felt so exhausted! This is taking everything out of me this time. The good thing about that is having to rely on His strength for every little bit of work that we are doing. I need renewed strength everyday. And grace, and patience and joy. Especially joy. This must be a little bit of what the workers here feel like.
Today I spoke with my one friend (worker) for some time. He has an incredible story. They truly are living by faith. For meal to meal and for daily energy to be with the demanding children. And it shows. These kids right now are mostly all new kids. Somehow word spread and these kids came on their own accord. But they are troubled kids. Some of them are coming with habits like smoking, drinking and sniffing glue. These bad habits cause bad attitudes, and that is hard to keep from affecting the other kids. My friend said that its good and bad these kids are there. Its bad that they are affecting the other kids negatively, but its good that they are there... and coming back every day. The kids prefer this school to anything else because of the love they receive here. It is the only place that affection is shown. The only place that cares about their interests. Some of the kids come only for food and medicine... but the hope is that with time some of the teachings will soak in anyway.
It's amazing to be able to bring much needed supplies to these places. These are all children programs, but there are no toys. Anywhere. We will be able to bless with toys, clothes, food and medicines. So many of these people and places are just run dry. If only for a short time, we hope to bring refreshing waters.
So I am okay being tired. I hope it means that my strength is being passed along in waves to the people that need it here.
and as I give I know the promise of new waters, and a filling of my jar.
Today I spoke with my one friend (worker) for some time. He has an incredible story. They truly are living by faith. For meal to meal and for daily energy to be with the demanding children. And it shows. These kids right now are mostly all new kids. Somehow word spread and these kids came on their own accord. But they are troubled kids. Some of them are coming with habits like smoking, drinking and sniffing glue. These bad habits cause bad attitudes, and that is hard to keep from affecting the other kids. My friend said that its good and bad these kids are there. Its bad that they are affecting the other kids negatively, but its good that they are there... and coming back every day. The kids prefer this school to anything else because of the love they receive here. It is the only place that affection is shown. The only place that cares about their interests. Some of the kids come only for food and medicine... but the hope is that with time some of the teachings will soak in anyway.
It's amazing to be able to bring much needed supplies to these places. These are all children programs, but there are no toys. Anywhere. We will be able to bless with toys, clothes, food and medicines. So many of these people and places are just run dry. If only for a short time, we hope to bring refreshing waters.
So I am okay being tired. I hope it means that my strength is being passed along in waves to the people that need it here.
and as I give I know the promise of new waters, and a filling of my jar.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Back to the Start
Hello!
My time here is short, and there is much to write, and so much more to still process through in my own mind. It has been a rollercoaster for the past three? weeks, but I can clearly sense God's peace as He guides me through this all.
My first week in London was so refreshing. It felt so normal to be with my YWAM family again. I love the community we share. It was so good to encourage and to be encouraged, and to hear the updates of what God has been doing over the past year. and the wedding was BEAUTIFUL. I feel so priviledged to have been able to attend that. It was so much fun to be apart of the set up, and then to dance the night away with everyone. Carolyn made a beautiful bride! The time went by quickly, and soon enough I was taking a taxi in Mumbai to Raoul's house. Instantly it just felt right to be back in India. I really enjoyed my time with the Mumbai gang. We enjoyed good food, good fellowship and lots of laughs. I really get along well with them. It was good to go in as a friend this time too instead of a leader, or apart of a visiting team. Both Pune and Mumbai felt natural and comfortable. I was spoiled with the hospitality too! Again, the time felt too short before it was time again to head out to Delhi. Already we have planned for 'next time' whenever I am able to come back. These are true friends that I have made in India.
The start of our time in Delhi has been intense! We have kept up a busy schedule despite the cultural differences and the weather/humidity. Our first day here I went to a meeting with the leaders and found out that our entire schedule was to be shifted around.. so now Im planning two days ahead only at a time! The main struggles would be the language barrier and the humidity! Also, the sights and smells have been shocking for most of the team. It's just hard to understand why it is like this here. We've heard many hard stories, and have decided as a group to record these stories with pictures and to publish a book to bring these stories to life. We havent had any sicknesses yet, and we are just trusting that every meal and every water bottle is safe for our tummies before we ingest. God has been super faithful in leading our team so far. We are all learning so much!!
Now we are heading out to go shopping this evening! Pray for energy and health, as well as continued safety. And for inspiration as for ways we can bless and help.
Take Care!
My time here is short, and there is much to write, and so much more to still process through in my own mind. It has been a rollercoaster for the past three? weeks, but I can clearly sense God's peace as He guides me through this all.
My first week in London was so refreshing. It felt so normal to be with my YWAM family again. I love the community we share. It was so good to encourage and to be encouraged, and to hear the updates of what God has been doing over the past year. and the wedding was BEAUTIFUL. I feel so priviledged to have been able to attend that. It was so much fun to be apart of the set up, and then to dance the night away with everyone. Carolyn made a beautiful bride! The time went by quickly, and soon enough I was taking a taxi in Mumbai to Raoul's house. Instantly it just felt right to be back in India. I really enjoyed my time with the Mumbai gang. We enjoyed good food, good fellowship and lots of laughs. I really get along well with them. It was good to go in as a friend this time too instead of a leader, or apart of a visiting team. Both Pune and Mumbai felt natural and comfortable. I was spoiled with the hospitality too! Again, the time felt too short before it was time again to head out to Delhi. Already we have planned for 'next time' whenever I am able to come back. These are true friends that I have made in India.
The start of our time in Delhi has been intense! We have kept up a busy schedule despite the cultural differences and the weather/humidity. Our first day here I went to a meeting with the leaders and found out that our entire schedule was to be shifted around.. so now Im planning two days ahead only at a time! The main struggles would be the language barrier and the humidity! Also, the sights and smells have been shocking for most of the team. It's just hard to understand why it is like this here. We've heard many hard stories, and have decided as a group to record these stories with pictures and to publish a book to bring these stories to life. We havent had any sicknesses yet, and we are just trusting that every meal and every water bottle is safe for our tummies before we ingest. God has been super faithful in leading our team so far. We are all learning so much!!
Now we are heading out to go shopping this evening! Pray for energy and health, as well as continued safety. And for inspiration as for ways we can bless and help.
Take Care!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Where I'm at
This is an exciting time in my life. I feel alive and motivated. I love the things I'm involved in. I love the people I am surrounded by. and I love the dreams that push me forward. Some days it's still hard for me to believe that I'm actually going back to India so soon. In 63 days I will be in London, England and after 10 days there I will be heading back to India for three weeks. I get to see some of my closest friends in the world, and celebrate one of them getting married! Then visit some friends in Mumbai and Pune for a week before a whole group of people from my life at home will come and meet me at the airport in New Delhi and join me in ministry for two weeks on the streets and in the slums. I get to see my kids in Delhi again. I get to be Didi Jennifer for another couple weeks. I get to share that experience with some of the closest people in my life back home.
And even now, before I get to that point, I have the priviledge of leading team meetings and coordinating a group of 15 people (with lots of help, trust me). I'm learning so much so fast and it's great. Tickets are booked, accomadation is booked. Fundraising is happening... We're getting there. There has been a great deal of opposition already, but the joy just overwhelms that. When it's hard it just confirms that we are doing something right. I do get nervous sometimes still.. it's a lot of responsibility. This is what brings me to life though. This is definitely the right direction for me. Whether or not school in Minnesota is the next step, at least I know the direction.... I'm so thankful for God's guidance and faithfulness.
Between India plans, school plans, work, church, small group and socializing, there's not a lot of time leftover right now. Good thing there's also Wedding plans and showers, graduations, campouts, and anniversaries. I love my family. Boy, are we ever a busy house this spring. It's just so exciting to see it all unfold.
And even now, before I get to that point, I have the priviledge of leading team meetings and coordinating a group of 15 people (with lots of help, trust me). I'm learning so much so fast and it's great. Tickets are booked, accomadation is booked. Fundraising is happening... We're getting there. There has been a great deal of opposition already, but the joy just overwhelms that. When it's hard it just confirms that we are doing something right. I do get nervous sometimes still.. it's a lot of responsibility. This is what brings me to life though. This is definitely the right direction for me. Whether or not school in Minnesota is the next step, at least I know the direction.... I'm so thankful for God's guidance and faithfulness.
Between India plans, school plans, work, church, small group and socializing, there's not a lot of time leftover right now. Good thing there's also Wedding plans and showers, graduations, campouts, and anniversaries. I love my family. Boy, are we ever a busy house this spring. It's just so exciting to see it all unfold.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
reckless abandon
Those are beautiful words to me. I never used to be the kind of person who would ever be described that way. or freespirited. or carefree. or adventurous. Now its a little more common. It is amazing what God can and will do with your life if you only hand it over to Him.
I was talking with my boss earlier this week, and she mentioned a quote from a book she was reading. It went something like this: And he laid everything out on the alter before God, and when God accepted it, there was no bitterness. The idea was that so often we lay our 'sacrifices' before God kindof expecting that He will thank us for being so giving and then hand it all back. Do we really give with a heart of complete surrender? So that if God took EVERYTHING we thought we had or were... there would be no bitterness but only love for a God so merciful and so loving to us? But then, my boss went on to compare this situation to ME! I had told her about how in school I was a driven and worked up girl. I thought I knew what I wanted, and that was success. I wanted to be a lawyer or a politician. Someone of influence. But I was being eaten away by uncertainty and worry. I worried about everything, especially my future. I would consistantly lose sleep over insignificant things because I didnt know how to process all my emotion and thoughts. But somewhere in High School I started relaxing my grip, and finally in my last year I all together gave up on it all - and gave everything to God. That is when I experienced freedom. Because God took it all. And what he gave back to me has been incredible ever since.
I no longer feel the need to wait for clarity, or for answers. All I need is to trust. God has given me the faith I need to walk into the darkness with confidence. And that confidence comes from knowing His love. (although there are times of human doubt and weakness still.)
Its been a long time since updating this blog. I have been writing, just not posting. I have gone through quite a bit since being home in calgary. For the most part I can say that I have been more joy-filled and content this time around here than I really remember being. God's hand is definitely still at work in shaping my life, and I am enjoying the journey! There is so much detail that I could go into, but I will leave it there. I am so incredibly thankful for the ways God has touched my life, and eternally grateful for His grace in my life.
I was talking with my boss earlier this week, and she mentioned a quote from a book she was reading. It went something like this: And he laid everything out on the alter before God, and when God accepted it, there was no bitterness. The idea was that so often we lay our 'sacrifices' before God kindof expecting that He will thank us for being so giving and then hand it all back. Do we really give with a heart of complete surrender? So that if God took EVERYTHING we thought we had or were... there would be no bitterness but only love for a God so merciful and so loving to us? But then, my boss went on to compare this situation to ME! I had told her about how in school I was a driven and worked up girl. I thought I knew what I wanted, and that was success. I wanted to be a lawyer or a politician. Someone of influence. But I was being eaten away by uncertainty and worry. I worried about everything, especially my future. I would consistantly lose sleep over insignificant things because I didnt know how to process all my emotion and thoughts. But somewhere in High School I started relaxing my grip, and finally in my last year I all together gave up on it all - and gave everything to God. That is when I experienced freedom. Because God took it all. And what he gave back to me has been incredible ever since.
I no longer feel the need to wait for clarity, or for answers. All I need is to trust. God has given me the faith I need to walk into the darkness with confidence. And that confidence comes from knowing His love. (although there are times of human doubt and weakness still.)
Its been a long time since updating this blog. I have been writing, just not posting. I have gone through quite a bit since being home in calgary. For the most part I can say that I have been more joy-filled and content this time around here than I really remember being. God's hand is definitely still at work in shaping my life, and I am enjoying the journey! There is so much detail that I could go into, but I will leave it there. I am so incredibly thankful for the ways God has touched my life, and eternally grateful for His grace in my life.
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