Turn the Table

I know I'm always saying this... but tomorrow really is the start of something new in my life. again.

I'm following what I felt God telling me to do over this past bit, and Im going back to school. Im actually really excited about this school. I found it quite randomly online almost exactly a year ago now while I was in California. Being in Cali for the summer confirmed my desire to return to school, and a couple of times God really seemed to validate that desire with messages of His own. When I finally started looking into it I almost instantly found the 'Intercultural Program' that I am now enrolled in. Of course, this program is offered at basically any Bible College these days, but I just wasn't impressed with the places I was looking at. I googled the program to see what else was out there. Bethany College of Missions was one of the first schools to pop up. As I scrolled through the course description and the statements of belief and all that jazz it just felt right. A few things on the website even brought chills to me as I read through... as if God had specifically planted those things as 'signs'. I logged off soon after, but bookmarked the page for future reference... thinking that I really couldn't have found an answer so fast and I would need to spend some serious time researching praying and thinking once I got back home.

Little did I know how much of an impact that one brief look at this school's webpage would change my future! I basically gave up thinking about any other school or program. I was set on this one. I began now praying about school at all. Was that really where God wanted me? Or would it end up being more of a waste of time and money?? I went back and forth over this for SO long. Even after I applied actually, I was still unsure about me even going to school. I was at the place where I was completely and totally willing to go to school or to be rejected and just go abroad as is trusting God to open another door (whether that meant going to school overseas or applying to work at a missions agency or something completely different). But, I got in. And I haven't looked back since. I am SO SO SO excited to just learn. I was always a bit of a nerd in school... I love reading and learning and soaking in information. Even if I do usually forget it directly after! I definitely feel like I am in a place to be back in the school environment. Im looking forward to living in a dorm. Im excited to build relationships with the other students and with teachers. and Im excited to be taking a bite of something a little bigger this time. to actually commit to something longer than just a year. (although, if I didn't like it at BCOM I don't technically have to go back next year!). As excited as I am, there are a few things that I can't help feeling nervous about. Like living in America again! It's been awhile since Ive lived here and both my views and America itself HAS changed. I really have no idea about American politics these days. Not from within the States that is. And Ive forgotten just how badly the recession has affected America. More so than Canada that is for sure. And Im not really sure to be honest if the school Ive signed up for is going to have views I agree with in everything. I guess Im nervous too that if a professor is teaching something as fact, but from one point of view, that I will have no knowledge to even question it. I am really hoping and praying for a balanced education, and a look from differing perspectives. So that I can go to God and figure out truth from the source.. not just believing something because I don't know better. I really want to stay in an intimate relationship with God this entire time. I dont want it ever to become about the grades or the assignments more than its about Him. And I do not want to get into arguments, whether its politics or theology, unless its done in a constructive way. (And still, I'd probably just end up listening instead of arguing!). I know that I don't have all the answers. And I don't care to ever get to that point. I simply want to KNOW God more. and to deepen my love for Him and my HUNGER for Him. And then be able to give out of that overflow.

The desire is still the same. Its what I want regardless of where I am or what Im doing. Yes, so many things come and go in life... and there are so many things that make me sad, and that make me happy. I could honestly probably be okay doing just about anything. But I choose to pursue God relentlessly. Wherever I feel led. And tomorrow that is taking me to Bloomington, MN. To be a college girl.

O boy.