a turn around.

This summer is winding up to be very different than I anticipated! I had 'planned' or thought that I would get a job, hang out at the beach alot by myself, make a few friends through a Bible study or something and really get a sense of focus for whats next. And at first it looked like it was turning into that.. I thought I had found a job (Im STILL not sure whats going on with that. The short story is that I was hired, but she told me to call when I got back from vacation, and Ive called multiple times and even went in but apparently she hasnt been around - I cant get through to her at all!) and I thought this job felt right -you know, like I could treat it as more than a job. Now I think Ive wasted too much time on this one that I wont be able to try for anything else. Its strange that half my time here is up already almost! I am trusting that God has the answers for this one even if I cant see it. Somewhere in there might be a lesson in trusting Him with my finances, because I am really going to be cutting it close now. But me and Him have had many a conversation about this, and although I dont get it, I feel ok about it and I am at peace. I followed where I thought He was leading, so I can only continue to do that now! Besides work, my greatest 'needs' I felt was community. Or better put, just friends! and I have been really blessed in that area. Ive not only met a few people that I get along with, my Ive gotten to know a group of people that I feel comfortable with and really enjoy spending time with. They might all be older than me, but I still have quite a bit in common with them. They have kept me entertained with hiking and swimming and game nights, as well as challenging conversations. Its almost like Im having the typical summer that I never once experienced - but in a really cool place. Im staying at 'home' and hanging out with friends and doing all the fun summer activities I never had the time for! This may seem like a small accomplishment to some, but for me to be able to balance rest and fun and growth all together is no small feat. Im finally able to practice the discipline that Ive always told myself too. I still need work on some areas... but one thing that has changed in me definitely is that I am way more open to the Spirit's voice. I still have no idea what I am doing in calgary next year. But that no longer feels like THE big question. I have my dreams and I have my passions and I can truly say that I am living life abundantly. I am loving God and I am loving people. and in small ways I think I am making a difference. I would love to go back to school when I go home and learn more and find a job that I find purpose in - so if that door opens to me I will be jumping at that (but for those that havent heard yet, missionary is the title Im claiming now but there are still many unknowns surrounding that!). But Im going to start the way I left, with all that Im holding onto being my Christian Faith. My life would make no sense at all if God wasnt in it! and I love it that way.

prospects and expectations

Today I got a call from the local diner and landed an interview with the owner tomorrow morning. that is great news. I just handed my application in yesterday. God is good. They need a hostess and I have (some) experience from my days at Applebees. So, if all goes well, hoppefully I will have a job waiting for me to start once I get home from my birthday vacation! Also, I look forward to checking out a college group that meets on wednesdays... see if any solid relationships come out of that. Its been nice and relaxing so far being here. Ive had the chance to call and skype a few friends and am staying in touch with all my friends across the world. My aunt and I are getting along just great - if you ask her I might be a little on the messy side. But I help cook and I hope Im better company than the Tv or phone! I think we both enjoy having eachother around.

But, besides all these normalities and adjustments... there is something stirring within me. I just finished reading a book by Frank Peretti - one of his first - all about spiritual warfare. And I must say, it is real. I refuse to be put to sleep and to just go through the motions here. I have come to know my God more intimately than ever before, and have come so much closer to understanding His vast love. that needs to be talked about. And the evils of this world need to be combatted against. So tonight as I head to bed I am not so concerned about my job interview tomorrow, or about what I will fill my day with. Im ready to pray, and to pray seriously. For all my loved ones and dear friends around the world, and for the city that I have felt called back to for some time, and for the place I am in now. I dont know what God wants to tell me, but I am ready to listen. I know how easy it is to just do (which is very different than when I write that Im ready to just DO. notice the caps.) and so I will fight back with all the human strength I have. I want to expect of God. I want to see Him working and I want to be surprised and blown away again and again by His power and majesty and His love and faithfulness.

and I want this all to last. persistance. (stubborness used for good). that is just where Im at.

a new journey

I cant believe its been almost a month since last writing a blog! Where oh where does the time go?! That means its been almost a month since INDIA already. dear me. Its hard to believe sometimes that in the past three weeks I went from India to N. Ireland to California... three VERY different cultures. God has been extremely faithful through all the transitions, and even moreso He has been showering blessings upon me as well! It was so good to be reunited again with the other half of our family in Belfast and to swap stories about our different adventures. Whats cool too is that through their stories I can see even more of Gods purpose in putting me on the team I was on and His intention for sending me to India. It really was the perfect fit for me. I loved hearing all the stories of Rwanda and Burundi too though... I wonder if one day I will make it there..? Our trip was definitely a relationship focused one, especially with the kids that we were with for a solid 7 weeks at the community centre. Theirs focused alot more on reconciliation teaching. It was just good to be back all together. My sleeping patterns quickly adjusted to that of little to no sleep as I would stay up most the night talking and sharing dreams and wake up in the morning for debriefing with our YWAM leader. We talked through the entire DTS and gave evaluations and well as talked about transitioning back into our lives at home. I feel somewhat prepared for coming back home because I was gone before (to KY) and have done the re-entry thing. But still I know there will be unseen challenges. The biggest thing is going to be disciplining myself to keep up what just came naturally in the DTS setting (finding a community of believers, someone to keep me accountable, intercession times, taking roles of leadership, bible studies, etc) AND to spread and inspire this passion that I have now with humility NOT pride. but before any of that happens.... I am here in California for the summer! Ive got a lot to figure out here too. Ive got to find a job. find a church. find friends. Im creating a whole new life here. kind of exciting! But, like my dad said, my 'mission' its just for home or for later. its right here right now. God has a plan and purpose for me being here in santa cruz and I dont intend to sit on my butt and wait for lightning to strike. I am looking forward to spending a good deal of time going through my journals and digging through the bible and cementing some of the truths that Ive learned and growing in new ways too this summer. I also look forward to exploring around this part of california and really getting to know the area.

... this post has spread over a couple days now... this past week has seemed very full. I think I am STILL recovering from jet lag. Ive been so blessed to be able to see my parents and my brother in the past week. It was so great to spend time with family. Its weird how normal it feels to be with them. Our relationships havent really changed, but I know I have a different world view than when I left and its interesting to see that come out in conversation. Its strange to not really have any stories in common though - because everything I know from the past year is a different world from what they have experienced. It was good to just BE with them most of all. There was no pressure to exlode with all my lifes dreams or anything. [i love you guys!] and its been good to have regular communication with them again. On the other hand, it has been extremely hard to not be with my DTS friends for a week. and its hard hearing about their struggles adjusting to life. I just want to be there with them... Through it all though I know God is faithful. I feel him right next to me all the way.. and I look forward to this journey

a time to be

This past week has been so filled with different things.. its hard to even go back and make note of them all. Ive felt extremely drained, and physically exhausted and Ive heard God speak so tangibly and Ive been really really busy too. During the week we were helping prepare for a youth camp that is going to happen this week in one of the slums. We spent our mornings writing out songs and preparing sketches and lessons (and learning more Hindi!) and our afternoons with really good team times. I did feel physically really not there and just done, but still my attitude was one of expectance. I was expecting to hear from God in a really real way - and boy did I ever! God spoke to me about many [really random] things, and through various people (thanks jess and tanah!) and to be honest I am still not 100% sure about it all and how it all links.. but God also told me very specifically that I will be coming back here to India. It was amazing to actually get a clear direction like that from God as for the past few years I have known up until this trip and that is IT. like nothing after I get home - all I know is that I am supposed to return to Calgary for some time but really nothing more than that no matter how much imagination I put into it. And I am actually okay with the lack of direction simply because there is nothing in my life that I am holding onto enough to scare me. But boy was it exciting to hear this from Him. I want to talk with one of the organizations that weve been helping with here and see what it could look like to come back for a year and work with them. I also really want to stay connected to the friends I now have in Pune and Mumbai and I think there is something about me helping to inspire them with the work that is being done in Delhi. Basically what I want to do with my life is inspire people with passion to DO and to empower them to be able to do something with that passion. And I think India is going to be the start of alot for me. I am also convinced that God is bringing me back home for some time for a specific reason and I think that the doors to be opened are just hidden from my sight right now - and that is part of the reason why I cant plan anything. Because I am not even aware yet of those doors. So I come home with expectance as well. And just as a side note I must say that I am getting ready to come home - even if it is another 4 months almost! I am missing people once again with force, but not just because I want "my friends" back and to be with my family again.. but I want to share all THIS with you guys. I look forward to the [many] conversations that are to come.

Mmm I got sidetracked.. I didnt finish off my week! On Friday we all went to the slum to help with a 'cleaning day' which basically consisted of us and about 20 volunteers (mostly young teenage boys) shoveling out the sewage ditches? I dont know what to call it. In the slum, all the sewage and waste and used water goes into these trenches or ditches or whatever they are called that run throughout the slum. They are about a foot deep when they are unblocked and are supposed to allow everything to run downhill to somewhere? outside of the slum area. I dont really get the architecture of it. Obviously this system doesnt work so well. SO we went in to clean it up. 70 people from the slum had agreed to help out but when we showed up, there were 15 of us and thats it. Eventually some of the younger boys came to help as well (and ended up being the hardest working of us all!) It was HOT and hard, disgusting work. But spirits were high. After we all ate lunch together and later in the evening they showed the Jesus film to whoever would come and watch. It was inspiring to see our friends putting so much into something with so little appreciation being received.

THEN on Saturday we had planned a party for the street kids with the NGO that we have been working with. It started out as an idea and turned into a HUGE celebration! We had a few people come from an art gallery to come and teach the kids about painting and colors, etc and then the kids each got to paint three different paintings. (the plan from here is that Cortney is taking these paintings back home to Calgary and sometime in early sept she is selling this art during an art show with 'Art for the Poor' on Stephen Ave and sending the proceeds back to the NGO) After this, and the spontaneous dance party that happened in the courtyard, the kids all got 'new' clothing and as much food as they could eat - we even got it catered for them! and to end the day off we had the opportunity to pass out shoeboxes to the kids from Samaritins Purse - Operation Christmas Child! I am so glad I got to be apart of that as for the past few years I have been helping sort through the boxes at the warehouse in calgary. It was so cool to get to help out with the delivery of these boxes! the kids loved it! I have really gotten attached to these children. I hope to be able to stay in touch with two sisters and kind of become a big sister to them when I go back home. Like sponsering them, but more than money. To keep the relationship alive and to pursue them with love. Little Pooja and her big sister Sangita. It is near impossible to 'pick' one kid to sponser.. but I would say that Pooja kind of chose me. I am glad that I have the opportunity to continue to do something in these kids lives even after I leave.

Now this week we are back to the university for our afternoons and mornings with the daycare with some of the street kids. We fly back to Belfast tuesday night! This week is the beginings of goodbyes. It is definately bittersweet to leave (but already I find myself thinking about next time..)

back to the familiar. somewhat.

We have made it back to Delhi- the whole group of us - safe and sound! Yesterday evening we said our goodbyes to the Mumbai group, and this morning we reached our home here in Delhi! It feels good to be back to the familiar. We know how to use the transport here and are familiar with the culutre moreso and even the language we can manage.. AND we got to see 'our kids' again - it was first on our list of to-do's! We now have the weekend to "rest" - which for us probably means MORE shopping, if I can handle any more! and lots of catching up on the computers! I think Ive spent most of my day today online trying to catch up. Hopefully more pictures will be coming your way soon. Monday we start up again, helping to plan/organize a youth camp in one of the slums. I think we are all rested and refreshed and ready to get working again. It definately felt like a different world in Mumbai, and in pune too. It really rounded our trip for us actually (and made my heart even more attached to this place!). Instead of just AMAZING ministry or just visiting and making great relationships.. now we have an awesome combination of the two. My heart is not only with the ministries AND the kids but now with FRIENDS and families here too. As I was saying goodbye yesterday I really felt strongly that it wasnt a final goodbye - I would definately love to come back. I dont know if it means leading a team and coming back for a couple weeks of ministry or to come back and stay for a good while.. I dont know. But I feel connected here. I should have seen this coming haha. I am so thankful for all the experiences we have had the opportunity to have here. Its been above and beyond what I could have imagined. And the hospitality we have experienced has been unreal. It really has made the difference. It was especially neat to spend time with people MY age that I really did connect with and just share my experience of this trip.. It was strange at first to have people looking to US for spiritual wisdom, but when we shared our lives with eachother we really saw that we are the same in so many ways. AND I have definately seen the difference and growth I have received from being apart of this DTS. It was good to just process that all with people my age I think - people that havent been on this journey with me especially.

And now we push forward for the final stretch. Only with His strength though, as I have well learned. Love and blessings to you all.

the longest update ever!

It has been sooo long since I have written on here! I dont even remember how far back I need to go to update everyone.. I havent really been able to use the computers this week mostly because of my bum ankle.

annyway. I will start at the begining. Last week sometime during the middle of the week our team of 6 took the Goa Express from Delhi to Pune. It was a 26 hour trainride - overnight - on a train stuffed FULL of Indian people. We had a good time keeping entertained with playing 'car' games like car-eoke (kareoke?) with our pods and reading a good deal. The toilets were an interesting experience, esp with an already funny stomach... but all in all it was a good ride down. The day after we got in we took the two new girls (from N Ireland - with Sword of the Spirit communities) out to buy kurtas and had a good day to rest. The rest of the team got in later that night and we frantically tried to plan out the weekends events before leaving the next morning. Thursday morn we were heading to a camp in Khandala (?) which we were leading the sessions/planning a good chunk of it. The camp was for about 100 christian youth from 4 different communities in 4 different cities in the area. And since we got all together just the night before the camp, all the planning was done during the tea breaks of the camp, etc. SO we caught the early train with some of the others from Pune and headed to the camp. The railstation was an adventure in itself! SO crowded.. it actually reminded me of high school hallways – but with way more people and all carrying luggage. Crazy. The camp itself was beautiful! There was a huge valley just off the backside of the camp. It is a very lush place with loads of trees and greenery. So on Thursday we had only one session to prepare for and a interactive time with games and dancing – the camp was split into two sections for the teachings. From 10 -17 in one and 18-30 in the other! I was in the younger age group and was prepared to give a talk on women in the missions field to the girls on Friday morning buut that happened to be the same morning that I sprained my ankle and between that and being sick already with the runs (and prob dehydrated too) I called in sick and SQ and Lidia took over for me. Thursday was a really fun day of getting to know the youth and figure out our system... but then Friday for me was basically a day of rest. The whole camp went on a 4 hour trek down the ravine (like an intense repelling down the cliffs sort of trek!) and I stayed between my room and the veranda. I was well taken care of though – getting carried to the dining hall and back and having drinks brought to me. It was actually a lesson in humility for me. I needed to be reminded to rest and be still and that its ok to not be going all the time. It was slightly humorous how it happened because even on Thursday I felt really low on energy and quite sick already, so I thought it would be good for me to take it slow.. but then when I sprained my ankle all I could say at first was ‘this is ridiculous!’. It was like God was really trying to say something clearly to me. I still don’t know exactly what that is, but I did have some really good solid hours of prayer and meditation with him. It was frustrating too, because anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE participating with all of me in any sort of camp experience. I love to go all out, and everything that I love (and feel that I am gifted in) was held back because of my health over the weekend. But like I said, definitely a lesson in humility as I had to allow everyone to serve me for basically a week straight. So I was there at the camp another day, but ended up going back a day early so I could get a lift back instead of taking the train. Again, time to rest and to pray. I've been able to do a little more forward thinking since having this happen – I'm getting really excited to come back home! Sunday everyone got home from the camp exhausted, and we went to join the community in the evening for their meeting. It is a community of believers that basically do life together – like church, but they go to church as well... I'm still learning really about what it is.. but essentially its families living together and meeting together and keeping eachother accountable. Called Sword of the Spirit Communities – when we were in Belfast we did some work with the community there. After that we went out to dinner with two of the youth leaders who basically ran the camp – Bruce and Joanna. I think they are 21 and 19.. and with a couple others in the community they are now leading the youth group... a couple times in the week we met with them to help plan and brainstorm ideas.

Whew. This is long.
Ok. ON Monday we started our ‘ministry’ with YWAM in Pune. Our contacts for the week were a couple named Anu and John, and they ran a girls orphanage/home for about 19 girls. We spent a couple days there throughout the week with the girls, dancing and singing and painting faces.. we even got to try on Sari’s one day and perform a dance for them! Another day we went to a senior’s home (but I think it was mainly widows there) and orphanage.. then another day in a slum home called Happy House which takes in HIV children and houses them until they die. The rest of the group also did a prayer walk and ministry time in the slum as well, but I opted out so that someone didn’t have to carry me on their back for 3 hours! It was good to see all these different ministries, but we really didn’t have the time to make the same lasting connections as we have with the kids in Delhi. I loved spending time in Pune just with the community members, and even with the YWAMers that we met.. just spending time and hearing about life. Every evening we also all split up and went to various houses for dinners. It was a neat way to get to know the people and the community too. Everyone was incredibly hospitable... driving us around, taking us wherever we wanted to go, coming early in the morning to take us out for breakfast, giving me medicine for my foot.. anything they could do to help. On the last day we were all together (the 5 that met up with us from Ireland were flying out from Bombay on sat I think) so on Friday, some of the girls took us out shopping again and 4 of us ended up getting our nose pierced! I love those spontaneous decisions! Dont worry.. it was at a safe place. AND cost only about 5 bucks! Then Saturday it was goodbyes.. and we caught the evening train to Mumbai/Bombay. One thing about Pune... I still haven’t figured out WHY but I felt a strong connection to the place. I mean in Delhi I LOVE the work we were apart of and really connected to the ministries and to the children... and in pune it was nice but not a really strong connection. But there was a moment, when we went out for a coffee all together that I just got a feeling in my gut that I would be coming back to Pune at some point. It is a feeling that I will hold onto... even though I have no idea what it meant. I do know that the longer I stay in India, the more it grabs ahold of my heart!

And now we are here in Mumbai! Our team went from 11 back down to 6 BUT actually its at 5 now because Brian got really really sick the last couple days in Pune and stayed there with a family to rest and get medicine. He was extremely dehydrated from being sick so long too. So there are 5 of us here in Mumbai. It is a period of rest for us – about 5 days of hanging out and eating and sleeping well. We are staying in our own flat, and so far have spent loads of time with the youth from the community here. We met most of the youth at the camp so it hasn’t taken us long to feel right at home with them.. and the best part is that youth here is exactly our age, and even a bit older.. so for myself anyway I am loving it! Sat night we went for dinner at ‘Uncle and Aunties’ house – they are the youth leaders or community parents if you will.. and dinner was more like a karaoke/dance party. EVERYONE here sings and dances soo late into the night someone was banging away on the piano or playing the guitar and we ate and danced and sang until well past midnight. Sunday we all slept in and had lunch at a couple’s house that own the flat we are staying in now (alot of the community families here seem to be rather well off) and prepared for the session that we led for the youth Sunday night. Before the session though we had a good time hanging out watching a movie and taking snaps and playing games. It really is no different from any friend group I've seen interacting.. its neat to see how similar we all are. I keep forgetting that I'm in India actually. The people we have been around are very westernized.. most of them don’t even really speak Hindi. SO Sunday night we shared with the group about Identity in Christ and the importance of having a community.. and it really opened up a good time of sharing afterwards. Turns out that for many of the youth here they are brand new to community and are really just beginning to grow in their faith. God really used our words, and it was just good timing for us to come and spend this time with them now as they are fresh from the camp experience and so filled with passion. Even today we sat with 4 of them and helped brainstorm different ministry ideas and ways to keep this all alive. Its a strange experience to have people my age and older looking to me for insight and wisdom, but encouraging too to see how God has already used us in a small way to speak into these lives. I feel inspired by the youth here myself, and it has been so good to just be with them and feed off of eachother. I think if I was here (or in Pune) longer, that I would make some really close friends with these guys.. I just get along with them so well! And every night when we all find our way back to Uncle and Aunties house there is hours of games and singing and dancing to be had. They even whipped out a couple violins last night and played some songs. The humidity here is unbelievable though and I don’t think I've stopped sweating yet! Its just constant wet.. and dancing on top of that! Man alive. Okay I think this is long enough to update you all.... we will be here in Mumbai until Thursday.. then its another long train back to Delhi – a completely different world compared to here!

Again, like Pune.. internet is difficult to come by here so I may or may not talk to you again until reaching Delhi. Love to you.

the stories unfold.

This week has been incredibly busy but ten times as good as last week! Weve been working with the street kids in the mornings and at the university in the afternoons. AND every free moment I get (when we dont have team time, etc) I go find the kids in the community centre where they 'work' and play with them and sing with them. I absolutely love these kids with everything in me! I want to do something more.. something long term for them. But I know that the best way is to pour into them NOW and to the organizations and people that are staying. Its going to be hard to say goodbye. This week carolyn and I have been spending our mornings in a sort of daycare for the kids. Between 8 to 12 kids go usually and shower, get clean and put on fresh clothes and comb their hair etc. and get chaitea and lunch and have times of prayer worship and teachings. Its a time where they learn discipline and structure. Its really good for them, and I can see the change in these kids compared to the ones who dont go. It is just the one full time worker, and he has been there for 8 years. There are so many challenges. We are planning on interviewing many of the different people we work with and their stories. So weve been cleaning the kids and trying to kill lice from their hair - which is nearly an impossible feat. Ive never seen so much lice before. Its unreal. and dancing and singing with the kids. They LOVE to dance! and then we rush over the the university to talk for a couple hours. The university has been going well this week too. Weve been learning lots and teaching some.. and really just having good conversations! Yesterday carolyn and I skipped uni and went with a medical team to where the kids live with many families. Its called the flyover.. and its literally loads of families living under and overpass on either side of train tracks. Its loud. its open. its dirty and its crowded. It was alot worse than the slums we went to. The smell wasnt so bad because it was so open, but WE smelled so much worse when we got back. I spent three hours there playing with (getting swarmed by) kids and I got more dirty in those three hours then I think I might have ever been. And that is where these kids LIVE. Its home. They are literally sleeping in dirt. Now I understand how the ones that we wash daily come back looking the same the next day. And the lice.. Im sure thats not the only parasite or insect that they deal with either, but it was the most evident to me. Lice bigger than ants, and kids hair so think with eggs that I couldnt comb through.. It was cute.. I was combing and braiding hair and there was an instant that a lice jumped into my hair without me noticing but one of the many moms standing watching saw and grabbed it out straightaway. They were looking out for me! Many people approached me with different problems too assuming I was there with the doctors to help.. I have never wanted to be able to speak another language so badly! The kids all had a riot mimicking all my faces that I make, and my laugh etc. And they played a game with us that we called pass the baby.. where people would hand us random babies and see how long it would take for them to cry! It was a surreal expereince the whole thing! But like I said, the kids that are going to the different programs are noticeably different from all these new ones we met. It neat to see the change.. and know taht they are making a difference! Walking back we ran into a whole family that we know out begging and we stopped and played for a bit. Then the kids started asking us to pray - so we prayed for their baby sister, and their cousin and auntie and their mother pulled us over to pray for her sick husband. This is a family that I think we all feel a special connection with. They really are good people - even the parents. The mom (of 4) cant be much older than I am. And the father is sick and cant work, or hardly stand. But you can tell that they do love their children. The begging really is their only income. How I want another ending for their stories though.. I dont want them to follow the cycle! I pray for healing and I pray for miracles. The kids are so happy and so trusting - this is why I love to be with them.

Ive got to run off to the University now.. last day. Happy Easter to all. love