Our days are coming to an end here in Delhi. It is a sad thing to say goodbye, even after such a short time. Some of the group is ready to head back; to have a warm shower and not sweat the instant you step out. And some of the group is not yet ready to leave this all here. Most everyone has that special child or worker that they have deeply connected with. It takes work, but it is so worth it to keep in touch with that person.

Personally, I am so sad to be leaving my little kids here again. Thursday night we broke the news to the kids in the Centre that we would be leaving for Canada soon, and the reaction we got surprised me. The kids were SO sad. Some of the little girls, including my 'sister', Sangita, started crying. She said she waited so long for me to come back like I said I would, and now Im leaving again. Her reaction was first of anger, then a deep sadness. The reason this surprised me was because out of all the young girls we see she is the toughest. She never joins in any of the programs or the 'work' that the other kids do. I dont know if this is her choice or her parents... but because of it she knows no english (where the other older kids can communicate somewhat with us) and always seems very angry and very hardened. I dont know why she chose me last time I was here, but she did. And I guess its just good for me to know that my letters and my prayers actually do really matter to her. So its hard to leave these kids. Especially because this time I really dont know when I will be able to come back. They will be grown up... maybe even married off next time I come! But I leave trusting them to the Father's care. I have to believe that he is good and will watch over them. He is able to do far more than I ever could for these kids. But we must remember and we must share their stories. And that gives me all the more reason to support the work that IS happening here as well.

On the other hand, I am ready to come home for the next adventure of my summer. I know I need rest. The best place for me to get that is with family, so I am really looking forward to this next week in Oregon with my family. And before I know it, I will be heading out to school! And James will be married!!I cant believe that. This trip has been so long in coming, its so strange to have it nearly done.

I just tell everyone here to pray me back! That is the best way.

I do not remember the last time I have felt so exhausted! This is taking everything out of me this time. The good thing about that is having to rely on His strength for every little bit of work that we are doing. I need renewed strength everyday. And grace, and patience and joy. Especially joy. This must be a little bit of what the workers here feel like.

Today I spoke with my one friend (worker) for some time. He has an incredible story. They truly are living by faith. For meal to meal and for daily energy to be with the demanding children. And it shows. These kids right now are mostly all new kids. Somehow word spread and these kids came on their own accord. But they are troubled kids. Some of them are coming with habits like smoking, drinking and sniffing glue. These bad habits cause bad attitudes, and that is hard to keep from affecting the other kids. My friend said that its good and bad these kids are there. Its bad that they are affecting the other kids negatively, but its good that they are there... and coming back every day. The kids prefer this school to anything else because of the love they receive here. It is the only place that affection is shown. The only place that cares about their interests. Some of the kids come only for food and medicine... but the hope is that with time some of the teachings will soak in anyway.

It's amazing to be able to bring much needed supplies to these places. These are all children programs, but there are no toys. Anywhere. We will be able to bless with toys, clothes, food and medicines. So many of these people and places are just run dry. If only for a short time, we hope to bring refreshing waters.

So I am okay being tired. I hope it means that my strength is being passed along in waves to the people that need it here.

and as I give I know the promise of new waters, and a filling of my jar.

Back to the Start

Hello!

My time here is short, and there is much to write, and so much more to still process through in my own mind. It has been a rollercoaster for the past three? weeks, but I can clearly sense God's peace as He guides me through this all.

My first week in London was so refreshing. It felt so normal to be with my YWAM family again. I love the community we share. It was so good to encourage and to be encouraged, and to hear the updates of what God has been doing over the past year. and the wedding was BEAUTIFUL. I feel so priviledged to have been able to attend that. It was so much fun to be apart of the set up, and then to dance the night away with everyone. Carolyn made a beautiful bride! The time went by quickly, and soon enough I was taking a taxi in Mumbai to Raoul's house. Instantly it just felt right to be back in India. I really enjoyed my time with the Mumbai gang. We enjoyed good food, good fellowship and lots of laughs. I really get along well with them. It was good to go in as a friend this time too instead of a leader, or apart of a visiting team. Both Pune and Mumbai felt natural and comfortable. I was spoiled with the hospitality too! Again, the time felt too short before it was time again to head out to Delhi. Already we have planned for 'next time' whenever I am able to come back. These are true friends that I have made in India.

The start of our time in Delhi has been intense! We have kept up a busy schedule despite the cultural differences and the weather/humidity. Our first day here I went to a meeting with the leaders and found out that our entire schedule was to be shifted around.. so now Im planning two days ahead only at a time! The main struggles would be the language barrier and the humidity! Also, the sights and smells have been shocking for most of the team. It's just hard to understand why it is like this here. We've heard many hard stories, and have decided as a group to record these stories with pictures and to publish a book to bring these stories to life. We havent had any sicknesses yet, and we are just trusting that every meal and every water bottle is safe for our tummies before we ingest. God has been super faithful in leading our team so far. We are all learning so much!!

Now we are heading out to go shopping this evening! Pray for energy and health, as well as continued safety. And for inspiration as for ways we can bless and help.

Take Care!

Where I'm at

This is an exciting time in my life. I feel alive and motivated. I love the things I'm involved in. I love the people I am surrounded by. and I love the dreams that push me forward. Some days it's still hard for me to believe that I'm actually going back to India so soon. In 63 days I will be in London, England and after 10 days there I will be heading back to India for three weeks. I get to see some of my closest friends in the world, and celebrate one of them getting married! Then visit some friends in Mumbai and Pune for a week before a whole group of people from my life at home will come and meet me at the airport in New Delhi and join me in ministry for two weeks on the streets and in the slums. I get to see my kids in Delhi again. I get to be Didi Jennifer for another couple weeks. I get to share that experience with some of the closest people in my life back home.

And even now, before I get to that point, I have the priviledge of leading team meetings and coordinating a group of 15 people (with lots of help, trust me). I'm learning so much so fast and it's great. Tickets are booked, accomadation is booked. Fundraising is happening... We're getting there. There has been a great deal of opposition already, but the joy just overwhelms that. When it's hard it just confirms that we are doing something right. I do get nervous sometimes still.. it's a lot of responsibility. This is what brings me to life though. This is definitely the right direction for me. Whether or not school in Minnesota is the next step, at least I know the direction.... I'm so thankful for God's guidance and faithfulness.

Between India plans, school plans, work, church, small group and socializing, there's not a lot of time leftover right now. Good thing there's also Wedding plans and showers, graduations, campouts, and anniversaries. I love my family. Boy, are we ever a busy house this spring. It's just so exciting to see it all unfold.

reckless abandon

Those are beautiful words to me. I never used to be the kind of person who would ever be described that way. or freespirited. or carefree. or adventurous. Now its a little more common. It is amazing what God can and will do with your life if you only hand it over to Him.

I was talking with my boss earlier this week, and she mentioned a quote from a book she was reading. It went something like this: And he laid everything out on the alter before God, and when God accepted it, there was no bitterness. The idea was that so often we lay our 'sacrifices' before God kindof expecting that He will thank us for being so giving and then hand it all back. Do we really give with a heart of complete surrender? So that if God took EVERYTHING we thought we had or were... there would be no bitterness but only love for a God so merciful and so loving to us? But then, my boss went on to compare this situation to ME! I had told her about how in school I was a driven and worked up girl. I thought I knew what I wanted, and that was success. I wanted to be a lawyer or a politician. Someone of influence. But I was being eaten away by uncertainty and worry. I worried about everything, especially my future. I would consistantly lose sleep over insignificant things because I didnt know how to process all my emotion and thoughts. But somewhere in High School I started relaxing my grip, and finally in my last year I all together gave up on it all - and gave everything to God. That is when I experienced freedom. Because God took it all. And what he gave back to me has been incredible ever since.

I no longer feel the need to wait for clarity, or for answers. All I need is to trust. God has given me the faith I need to walk into the darkness with confidence. And that confidence comes from knowing His love. (although there are times of human doubt and weakness still.)


Its been a long time since updating this blog. I have been writing, just not posting. I have gone through quite a bit since being home in calgary. For the most part I can say that I have been more joy-filled and content this time around here than I really remember being. God's hand is definitely still at work in shaping my life, and I am enjoying the journey! There is so much detail that I could go into, but I will leave it there. I am so incredibly thankful for the ways God has touched my life, and eternally grateful for His grace in my life.

the open road.

Have you ever had a day that you just feel cool? I dont know how else to explain it other than that. Today was one of those days. I just feel cool. This is the kind of dumb conversation I would have with one or both of my siblings. Somehow we all ended up with the same odd way of thinking and expressing ourselves.

[What I did today for those of you who are interested.. I danced in my livingroom listening to Josh Groban.I went hiking along the sandy trails in a state park nearby listening to Selah's hymns, barefoot for as long as I could. I had a great conversation with God.I went into downtown Santa Cruz and perused the local stores. I bought some classic books and some unknown but cultural books at a used bookstore. Now I sit eating my homemade sweet&sour stirfry over sticky rice listening to Amos Lee and David Gray. what a wonderful day]

Now for those of you not so much interested in WHAT I did but more in what Im learning.. well thats been happening too. Ive been looking into school (finally!) and starting to put together somewhat of a plan for my life. It seemed overwhelming at first, but the verse in Proverbs just keeps coming up: "seek the Lord and He will direct your paths" something like that. And it is so true. My first priority is not my life. Still, there are alot of options for me to consider right now in my life. I'll be getting home with close to no money so work is relatively urgent. Time of course makes me think that school is relatively urgent as well. then there is this travelling thing I cant seem to shake. How does it all fit together? Ive actually found a couple schools and programs that do interest me. And Im sticking to my plan of coming back to Calgary for a year at least. What I realized today though is that God often speaks to me through 'interruptions'. What I mean is.. I will hear something direct from Him, and I will run with it full steam ahead. But often, He tells me that so that another door becomes open, or within sight, for me. So He will tell me to go to the main road that Ive heard of, but then along the way I see a side street that just feels so right. That fork-in-the-road place is a hard spot though. How do I know a distractor from what I just called an 'interruption'? Im learning to dream with a flexible heart. running, but not so fast that I cant see the forks. Its a journey. and, after today, I actually feel like I have an idea of the road ahead. exciting stuff!

one step

Today I feel like I kind of took a step backward that pushed me forward. If that makes any sense at all. I do think I can say that Im not aware of ever feeling so grateful for the feeling of conviction before. and I still dont know if that sentence made sense! Let me start a little farther back..

Last week I was having trouble 'connecting' with God again. I was feeling like maybe the effects of YWAM were wearing off and I was starting to get back to normal. HA. What is normal? I dont want it to be a place where I cant feel or hear God. I dont want it to be a place that I feel like Im struggling and a place where I cant seem to stop beating myself up for not doing better. But those were the thought patterns that were starting to resurface. I was still having moments of ups along with these thoughts, but the trend was starting to bother me. I know it is important to be able to have the faith in God whether or not you can feel His presence. and I know that we all go through times of dryness, especially after coming down after a spiritual high. The problem for me is when I start TRYING to make it all better and then feeling guilty when I dont get it right. Those are lies from the evil one. guilt is not of God, conviction however is. (I promise, I am getting to that part of my story!) SO, then this past weekend I went down to San Diego to visit my dear friend Megan from my DTS.

and it was so refreshing the instant I saw her. Its like coming home. seeing family. It just makes all the difference to be around someone that you dont have to explain your life story to for once. She lived with me for months, she knows my struggles and my heart. We encouraged eachother, discussed life problems, and spent lots of time praying for one another. In fact, the first night I got there - after driving for almost 11 hours, going straight to a party and meeting her friends, and staying up super late talking - Megan prayed me to sleep. I knew we were off to a good start there. And that seemed to be the reoccurring theme of the weekend for me. Learning to pray. Learning to ask. Learning to trust. Learning to just listen. all over again. It seems that is a lesson that needs to be taught over and over.

SO needless to say, my heart was in a pretty good spot coming back here. I rested. I communed. I fellowshipped. I was refreshed. So today, what was meant to be a chat to catch up, ended up being some tough love given to me. I am super thankful to have a friend here that is bold enough to speak up when I need a gentle reminder, or a firm one. I guess to make it brief I can say that the battle in me with independence is far from over, and when it comes to leadership I need a lesson in humility and unity. I cant expect to share the message of church unity if I struggle to work on a team myself. I need to learn to voice my opinion within a group setting and learn to work with and accept other ideas. Not shut off and just do what Im told OR just do my own thing. I guess Ive never really been able to co-lead. But I need to learn. and man o man am I going to need grace in this area. Once again I am able to say that this is just the beginning I feel..