IMPORTANT TO READ! .....and the battle begins....

This may be my most important blog that I have and will write for awhile so please encourage everyone you can think of to read this...

First on a lighter note, we found out today where out outreach locations will be and were told to pray about it (and not talk to eachother) and tell them monday which location we want to go to. The options are India and Rwanda. PLEASE DO NOT OFFER ANY OPINION OR ADVICE TO ME ABOUT EITHER PLACE. I want to be sure that GOD is directing my path, and that I am not swayed by any human words. I can say that I am completely and utterly undecided at this point. I want to go to both just as equally.

Now for the more serious matter... Please read in entirity and listen to exactly what I am saying...

On Saturday night one of the staff members living with us at our house - Francis - was attacked by a group of four boys. He is well now, and back living with us... but it has been quite the weekend for us all. I must stress that the reason he was attacked was racial. There is a HUGE problem of racism here where we live and when the drinking is mixed with the hate, it can be ugly. Franics was jumped in front of our house (with most of us inside but not realizing/knowing what was going on just outside) and suffered multiple blows to his head and kicks to his legs/body. He also had stones thrown at him, and was hit by stones from our garden. Inside we heard a commotion and thought our house was getting broken into (mostly because of the stones hitting our windows) so we called the police. When the police showed up shortly after, we opened the door to see Francis standing outside bleeding. You can imagine the response from us was terrific - we went from fear for ourselves to shock and guilt. It was an overwhelming situation.

One person was allowed to go to the hostpital in the ambulance with him so I jumped in (for no other reason than I thought he shouldnt be alone). We surrounded him with prayer until they told us they needed to go... then we left. Our home phone wasnt working so between some of our cell's and Francis' cell (with me) we did manage to get ahold of the YWAM director, Jonny (who met us at the hostpital not too long after). It was a crazy night. I didnt even know what to pray anymore, so I just laid my hand on Francis and felt God. (If that makes any sense) Later, Jonny came, then Francis was finally let into the room and got cleaned up and stitches and pain killers.. and thats when I first heard the story. He also told us that just before that he had been praying with friends for the youth of this city. And that during the attack he choose not to fight back, but was merely trying to block as best he could. After hours of waiting he came out and we were told he had to go to a different hostpital to see an eye doctor (He is still not seeing completely out of his right eye. please pray). I was dropped off in between hospitals by Jonny and proceeded to tell the group what had happened (as none of them knew the story yet either). It was a late night. The following day I found that I was very concerned, particularily for his "heart" or "emotions". I was praying against such emotions of fear and anger (for all of us actually, not just him). Last night he returned to us, and praise be.. He is well. Physically he will recover, he still has pain and his eye is not completely restored. But Emotionally he is well. What an amazing testimony to everyone here. The forgiveness and mercy extended is incredible. We as a group have decided too that we WILL stay (in Belfast but also in the house we are in) and we will not run away from anything the Devil tries to throw at us. We actually prayed that we will encounter the boys who did this in our local ministires - whether we know it or not - and that God will work miracles from this situation. And again I must stress for all you caring mothers out there that this is not a normal occurance, and walking the streets here would be no more dangerous for me than it is at home. We have to use our heads, and not go out alone at night especially, but the reason for this attack WAS racial. I know I went into alot of detail there.. this event is still fresh with us here. I really believe that God will use this for His glory, and that good will (and perhaps already has) come from it. Continue to pray with intention. We want to see change happen here in this land. I have faith that we WILL see change come to pass. We are in for a radical few months here.. the battle is growing.... Which is only great news for the victorious...

I will soar on the wings of Eagles

MAN alive. I do not know how I am going to survive seven months of this trip! Already, in the past like three days I have been shaken, torn up, slapped in the face, overwhelmed, and completely floored by God. we are in the process of learning about God's love and his Parenthood and essentially his character. And its unreal. I can TASTE Gods love it is so tangible. I feel like already I have been so broken - and I know there is much more to come! - and Ive been shown how weak I am physically and spiritually when God is not in the picture, but then how alive and real and STRONG I can be through His Love and His Grace. Its through his love that I get my strength. Its my entire Identity. All I want to do is still and soak in his amazing love, but at the same time I cant contain it. I feel for the first time perhaps the NEED to share this, because I feel I will explode if I do not. I simply cannot contain all this for just me. I want everyone I know to feel loved the way I feel it now. My heart aches for you back home, because I so want to be there with you and love you with everything in me. But I am also learning the imense power that God has given us to be able to intercede. I am praying for YOU because God has placed a burden in my heart for you.. to experience his love. Its that simple. ... maybe.... Im also finally connecting some of the dots of my life. Some of my interests and gifts and passions are finally coming together and making sense.. and I have patience that in time more and more will be revealed to me. Im learning about Intercession and what that is and looks like, and also how to intercede (praying on behalf of another). One thing that I know is that this here is a safe environment to push myself and discover not only God my Father and Creator, but who he has made me. This is all rather rushed so Im not sure how much sense it is making. But Im learning and exploring and it is all so good. My spirit is soaring.

I am also quite enjoying the challenges of living in a community. It is making me depend on those around me which is great for my pride. It is amazing to be surrounded by people who will challenge your thinking but who essentially believe what you believe. We pray together often. We worship together often. We discuss constantly. It is such an amzing environment for growth. I havent yet had any problems like needing my own space or whatever.. I tend to be able to go into my own world while still be surrounded by people so thats probably why. We are very very busy with lectures and chores and outreach activities.. and soon we will be getting books to read as well. The temperature is something that is not going to change (until spring I suppose) so we are usually quite cold - esp in the classroom. I think my muscles dont know how to relax anymore.. But I am trying to train my body to wear less so that when I DO put on another sweater, I actually notice the difference. The food so far has been fantastic. Last night I cooked with Francis (one of the Staff living with us) while listening to some regae. It was delicious. haha. The shopping is a challenge because we have such a strict budget. And I hate being the bearer of bad news.. like milk is only for tea and cereal.. not for drinking.. and fruit has to be portioned.. and snacking has to be done on your own budget.. But its alright. This is a good skill to learn. Ummmm the lectures are great so far. We have a time of worship in the morning, then something different for an hour or so.. then lectures until lunch and sometimes after lunch as well. So its alot of listening.. but its good stuff. The evenings we usually spend writing or reading or discussing.. we really havent gone out and seen much! I am still feeling very tired daily, probably because Im still sick (ive had a sinus cold for about five days I think) And because my computer time is so far and in between I am trying to write more letters.. but even those are slow going because of the constant conversations that come up. Times up now for today.. so I will try and continue with these updates and thoughts at a later date! Thank you for all your updates and emails.. I am reading them even when I dont get the chance to respond. I send my love. And blessings. My prayer is that YOU will continue to seek God as well. We are all on an exciting journey..

I MADE IT

Wow, I can hardly believe that its been a week already! I will try my best to fill you in on all the details of my new life here. Its all very exciting!!

Soooo I am living in a sweet house with all my fellow YWAMers.. there are a whopping 4 boys and 5 girls (possibly with another girl coming from South Africa), as well as 2 YWAM staff in our house. We have one bedroom and bathroom for the girls and one for the boys.. and a kitchen, eating area, and living room. Our house is freezing cold most of the time, but I am already getting used to that. Lets just say that modesty is just not an issue! The first few days we had problems with our heater/hot water so it was alot worse too. Our classroom is way way way colder than any indoor building should ever be. Tea is a drink that I never knew I could consume so much of. We are all on a "rota" or rotation for cooking and cleaning and showers.. pretty much everything. We also have a budget of £3 per person per day from the funds we paid...for things like groceries and cleaning supplies etc. This first month I am in charge of grocery shopping for the group. OH dear. thats all I have to say haha. Im getting some tips though. should be good.

This week so far weve been mostly just adjusting and getting to know the staff and eachother. God is so good to us all. We all SEEM to get along great, and weve got a wide range of backgrounds and countries to learn from in our group. Our 4 leaders for our DTS are Tom, Lidia, Amalia, and Dave. And they are all great. We have alot of jokers or "messers" in our group so there is laughter constantly. The past coupld days weve been in a small town called Darkley helping out with some work there and bonding.. We saw our first Irish rain too. I dont even know how to sum everything up that weve done and seen so far, and I just got a warning saying my computer time is almost up. Ill be more prepared next time. God has been ever faithful though. Im saving up stories to tell.. I hate that I dont have alot of time to connect to home. I am well, and I am loving it here. Continue to pray. And THANK YOU. for so much.

Anticipation Grows

Sitting here in my basement, it's just a normal "Saturday" morning for me. The only difference is the huge mound of clothes and such behind me waiting to be packed oh so neatly into my suitcase. It hit me this morning while showering how weird it is to be leaving for a year, without my family. If anyone knows me... they know that family comes first. I love my family and brag about them constantly. I claim to be fiercely independent but I guess it has never really been put to the test. (Im really excited for that!)

Saying that, I do feel like I am ready to go. I want to discover all the answers to all the questions Ive been getting asked. The hardest part is the act of leaving... but that is the act of faith God has called of me. (and perhaps of all his children...?)

ANYWAY, I strongly believe in the power of prayer, so in order for you to hold me up in that you will need as much information as I can give you. (Which is not much actually.) I will be leaving for Belfast, Ireland on October 31st (TOMORROW!), and picked up by someone from the leadership team at the airport. School starts up right away Monday, November 3. I am not entirely sure of the school setting, but I have heard that there are many lectures. There are also many weekend trips and day trips where we will be practicing what we are learning. The focus of my DTS is reconciliation and our goal is to reconcile God’s children together and with Him. Specific topics we will be studying include Biblical World View, Evangelism and Missions, the Cost of Discipleship, God’s parenthood, Reconciliation and Justice, and more. In Belfast the lecture and local outreach phase is 5 months and the cross-cultural outreach is 2. Once we are together as a team we will be praying about where our outreach should be, but typically it is somewhere in Africa or the Middle East. There will be approximately 24 students from all over the world coming to learn and grow together, none of who I know yet.

I am expecting that this trip is going to radically change my life. I am not completely prepared for everything that I am sure I will experience, but I do however feel ready like I said. I know that God wants to teach me and show me things that I cannot see here. I am anticipating struggles – things like homesickness and differences of views – but I am convinced to face everything head on with my motivation coming from someone bigger than myself. I want to be stretched and challenged. I don’t want this to be an easy task that I can succeed in. Because I am looking for and anticipating such a radical year I am all the more grateful for your prayers. Pray for protection, for strength and for boldness. Pray for direction and for wisdom. I want all walls to be broken down and to come home with a raw Christianity and a simple but bold purpose. I do not want to live an average life, and this is my first step in that direction.

All My Love

So much. And thats All.

First I need to say that for everyone who will be reading this blog, I will not be holding back or trying to make it sound pretty. This is raw, this is real. If you care enough to keep updated on me and my adventure while I am gone then I would hope that you already know my passions. If not, I hope that you learn who I am through my words.

So, to make it more clear, I love Jesus Christ and He is the reason that I am leaving. I want to experience, and I want to grow. I am going into this trip with high expectations of Him because I believe that when you seek, you find. I will find what I am looking for BECAUSE I am looking and yearning for it.

I really wasnt going to explain it all again but there you go. There is alot more on why Im going and what I am expecting from it but Im sure that you have or will hear it from me directly before I leave. What I have NOT been expecting is how entirely overwhelmed I feel already. Im LEAVING. They say that death in the family and moving are the two proven most stressful situations in life. I believe it. Ive been through it before - KY was actually the exact amount of time that this trip will be - but this time I cant say with all certainty that I will be back. In fact, I am going with the mindset that I am moving. And, like I said before... it is overwhelming! I have so much on my heart, not to mention in my HEAD trying to get everything ready and lined up. I am having a hard time keeping it all together... most likely because I feel like I dont even have the time to breathe! Let alone have the conversative relationship that I crave with my Father, with my Rock. I need prayer already, and I havent even left. I truly want to see you ALL before I leave and have one last conversation, and one last laugh. But believe me when I say that it is stressful! It doesnt mean I love you or value you any less. And it doesnt mean that you are any less important to me if I am having trouble fitting you in... because thats what its like for every one of you! know that I need to take that time to breathe, and to rest with Jesus before I leave or else Im going to get on that plane on Halloween and not even realize that the whirlwind ended and Im gone. I need to be in the right headplace and have the right heart for this adventure. I refuse to come back unchanged. ----- Oh yeah... and if you didnt know this about me either... Im a rambler. It cant be helped, sorry! So, if you knew me well enough that none of the above was a surprise, then I already miss you and thank God for your support and encouragement in my life. If you didnt know that I am this passionate about Jesus, and are surprised by my words, then I am sorry I was not more real with you and probably wish for more time with you. If you dont know me well enough to care to read all my thoughts then I suggest you check out my facebook group that I will update once in a blue moon (once created). ------Even in the midst of all my stress, I still thank God for each and every moment here with you. I have had some of the most meaningful and honest conversations over the past few weeks. And I truly feel loved as well as feel the extent of the love I have for you. I dont know if I will be coming back to Calgary to live or not, but I thank you for all that you have made it for me. I officially have two weeks now. Two weeks to Breathe; Two weeks to Be; Two weeks til its Just the Beginning... all over again. I am excited.