Soon. So soon.

His Word is Light

"When we stop dreaming, we start dying. For some of us, this has been a slow painful death. Others are just walking dead; they died a long time ago and its nothing less than a freak of nature that they are still breathing." - Erwin McManus, Soul Cravings


I've been thinking a lot lately about dreams. Not the kind of dreams that linger in your memory as you readjust to the morning light, but the kind that inspire courage and give purpose. Dreaming is a very important part of living, one that we too easily push aside as the tolls of life weigh heavily on us.

Here are just some of my thoughts about dreams: Dreamers are often viewed as naive and reckless, or saintly. Either we reject the dreams of others or wish we could live them, and sometimes it is a combination of both. I've noticed too that some people get married and put their dreams on hold, while some get married in order to jumpstart their dreams. I have become aware that I am not truly satisfied listening to someone else respond to the question: 'How are you, really?', unless the answer involves a deep searching for dreams or a contentment which comes from living in a dream. I am not satisfied to only dream for my own life, I have to make sure that everyone around me has a dream too, or at least knows that they need one. Dreams do not take us outside of the plans of God, in fact, he moulds the dream within us. I have studied Psalms and Proverbs asking God about his direction for my life. Again and again, his response was igniting love in my heart. When we delight in him, when we seek his kingdom and love above all else, the worries of life pass away. Our hearts then have room to become inflamed with a desire to serve and know him. Some might feel the freedom to teach, rescue souls, create beauty or provide shelter. The possibilities are endless! The chains stopping us might be our own problems that seem too grand to put aside. It is in the very putting aside, however, that we truly see the abundance of life that Jesus himself promised to us.

John 10:10 -" The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; 

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

Psalm 37:11 - "Delight yourselves in the Lord, and he will give you 
the desires of your heart"

Luke 18:1-4 - always pray and never give up

Proverbs 16:9 - we make plans but God determines our steps

John 5:14-15 - whatever we ask in his name, he hears and responds

Proverbs 16:3 - commit your plans to God and they will succeed

Lights

I want to try this picture blog thing.

Since pictures are worth a lot of words.

This is my Story of Easter.

Two weeks ago, was Good Friday. and Easter Sunday. We celebrated the death and resurrection of our King. It's amazing, isn't it? Jesus gave up His divine privileges in Heaven to come to earth as a man, limited and susceptible in every way (Christmas). He came knowing that to fulfill His purposes, He would have to suffer in every way; to be rejected by the world which He came to save. He died a cruel death; his followers thought that this was the end. Three days in the grave, and He was risen and again alive, appearing to His followers in the flesh. This is the day we celebrate. Death was conquered, and for our sake, and we now live in the hope that death no longer has a hold on us. What great news!This past weekend, I attended a Romanian Orthodox Midnight Easter Service. It was so different from any Easter celebration I have ever been to. We all lit candles and walked around the building three times to represent the three days Jesus spent in the tomb. We stood for most of the service and listened to a Romanian/English song/chant about the resurrection and hope we have in Jesus. It was a vast difference from the church service I am used to. I liked seeing this other way of collectively coming to agreement in worship to our God. Both can easily become a ritual to 'do' which is why switching it up sometimes can help give new perspective!

The candles remained lit the entire way home.

“Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven." Matthew 5:16

Digging deeper.

This journey called engagement is a crazy one, I tell ya! Everyone and their uncle has a piece of advice for you, and it is usually pretty good wisdom too. Since the day I arrived back on campus with the ring it has been an emotional roller coaster! Constantly fighting between wedding plans, schoolwork and relationships is trying, to say the least. I think planning a wedding is probably a little more exciting for those who have always dreamed of their 'big day'. For me, it often feels like a birthday party on a major scale and the details are hard to keep on top of! The good news is that I care way more about investing in my relationship with Joe than I do about this day, and I care even more about keeping things straight with our Father. He is helping me keep the right perspective (on the Rock, not the waves). I am helping him turn in his homework on time! What a team! Needless to say, spring break came at a perfect time last week.

We just spent the past week in beautiful Colorado. I wonder, did David ever see mountains like the Rockies when writing about them in the Psalms? It is so easy to see God in the mountains. He is everywhere, and it is so evident when you have a chance to open your eyes and see. This truly was a break. We slept, we read, we watched movies and we laid around a lot. There was wedding planning, and sight-seeing but the focus of the trip seemed to be to gain focus again. Perspective is greater than reality. When our perspective is on the eternal, the temporary fades away. It is true that Joe and I are in a season of asking though. We are constantly coming before our Father in Heaven to ask for help. I know He likes that, but it was good to have times of thanksgiving too during this trip. We are so thankful for our friends and family. It was such a blessing to be there for Samantha's proposal! They are engaged! We are all getting married! The path God leads us down in the next five years is still uncertain, but it sure is exciting stepping out in faith and seeing God's faithful guidance.

This has continued to be a hard spiritual season for me. Pruning is definitely still happening! So many things that I have always taken for granted as 'just the way I am' are being rooted up and called out as sin. It's really hard for me to be so weak all the time; to feel like I really have nothing to offer my friends. I used to bring people together, initiate gatherings and ideas and talk with passion about what God was showing me. I haven't had a lot of that this school year. It's been a lot of tears and apologizing and trying again with His strength. Learning to live from His expectations, not my own ridiculous ones. I am also learning to refuse to believe that I can never change. Just because something is a habit, does not mean that I am forced to always behave that way! I guess this is as good of season as any to learn these things!

Starting all over

I read a great book over Christmas break about a Pakistani woman who came to believe in Christ through a dream. Quite a few things stood out to me from the book, but the one line that keeps returning is not to pursue results but to pursue the presence of God.

That is pretty important for me this semester at school. It wasn't the easiest past couple months. I often felt disconnected and discouraged. Looking back, I know that God was pruning some things in my life. I need His strength, not mine....that keeps coming up. He is teaching me greater dependence on Him and is testing my perseverance too I think. Telling friends and family back home about this past semester was pretty different from my last report from school when I came home for the summer. Unity really seems to be lacking this year, and the general spirit around the campus is just different. It would be really easy for me to pursue results this semester. To try and 'do' better and make changes in my own strength. Even being back for a couple hours today I have been battling trying to have 'right' mindset about being here. I don't want to just get by. I don't want to do my own thing and finish the schoolwork. I want to engage, but I need to do it through intimacy with God, not by trying to live better. That is so hard for me to wrap my head around!

One thing that was really good about going home for a couple weeks was to talk to people about how my dreams and vision for missions has only increased. It is still difficult for me to think that God sometimes holds people back or tells them to stay here, because I want so badly to graduate and enter into what I've spent so much time preparing for. I guess it is true that the journey is more valuable sometimes than the destination (on earth that is!). It was so good to introduce Joe to my home during the break! There were definitely emotional conversation, but I am so thankful at how well Joe fits into my friends and family back home and there was a lot of love shared.

Now, after only a week being back, we are headed to Florida tomorrow to board a cruise with Joe's family for their Christmas! I got in to this family at just the right time it would seem! What a blessing to be able to spend time with both sides of the family, and get a vacation in the sun to boot!!

Questions and Answers

Here is my comparison. It's like getting a drastic hair cut. It might look great, but the first reaction from everyone closest to you will be surprise and not necessarily excitement right away. They need to digest the change that they didn't see coming.

That's what it feels like to have introduced Joe to everyone in my life back home. Last they saw me, I was single and happy. This time, I was talking about marriage and in love with a boy they had never met, and happy. It's a pretty big change to throw at people. I've cried a few tears about this, and I'm sure there will be more. Every time that our path is questioned though, there is such certainty and peace that comes to the surface. It's a huge step that we are taking, but maybe it is just another chance to risk it all in order to depend on God's promise to catch us and bless us.

A day ahead.

I am so blessed.

Even when days are long, and my body is feeling more dead than alive, I know that my Redeemer Lives and that He is alive in ME. That is pretty cool. God has shown me so much grace throughout my life. Just yesterday, I was convicted with the thought that in my heart alone, in that moment, there was enough sin to hold Jesus to that cross. In the room I was standing in, filled with believers worshipping, there was enough sin; enough enmity between brothers; to require that cost. We are so loved by our Saviour, that He would go to such lengths for such an undeserving people. He not only forgives us, but He removes our sin from us as far as the East is from the West! How can we not stand in awe at this man, and offer our everything to Him in return?

My dreams. my hopes. my failures. my passion. my plans. my day.

He deserves our best, and He wants our all.

Taking this mindset into outreach and evangelism means that I don't need to convince or beg people into the Kingdom of God. I am not out on the streets to do people a favour if they happen to believe what I say. I proclaim the truth of the Gospel, because I am compelled by His love. There is room for little more! When we do not go out with joy overflowing because of the church and His grace, we have to push through so much more of our own battles. Even within the church, we need to depend entirely on His strength to love. Just as we look to Him when we fast and are hungry, so we need to look to Him daily for anything that we can possibly walk in!

Going back to my opening line...I am so blessed. for the forgiveness of my sins. for the name that I am called by my Maker. for the protection I have been given. for the family that I have. for the friends and the church around me. for opportunities to learn and grow. And, for Joe! He is an incredible man of God! When I am tempted to look inward and dwell on my insecurities, he helps me look out to cling to Jesus alone. When I am sick, he gives me sympathy. When I am lazy, he makes me laugh, then encourages me to work. He pushes me, he prays with me, he reminds me of my beauty and encourages me to love those around me in new ways. Spending day in and day out with someone sure is a good way to get to know them fast! Where his heart is focused on the now, and living with simple faith for what is tangible, my heart is dreaming big and trusting for God to fling wide the doors of heaven! Both of us deeply value the people- both family and friends- in our lives. When you think of us, please continue to pray. We appreciate your love and blessing on our relationship, and value your prayer.

Glorious Conquerors

Woman's retreat 2010: I was struggling with my identity as a woman as ironic as that is. I remember praying, asking God to ground my identity in Him, and restore my idea of femininity. I wanted to be able to love Him purely as He created me. I wanted to walk in freedom.

Woman's retreat 2011: Looking back a year, it is incredible to see the transformation that God has done in my heart. I have freedom to be myself, as cheesy as that sounds. I am not second guessing all my decisions, and trying to create a reputation for myself. I was able to stand up in front of a group of women and share my heart with them about how God has restored my love of being female, and given me such joy and anticipation to be a wife and mother one day.

The love and unity we as BCOM women experienced this past weekend was so refreshing. I love the new freshman class! I didn't end up having the long conversations I would have liked, but I did rest. I dwelled, comfortably, in the presence of God's love. I sat and studied the trees. I danced, and I sang. The definition of a retreat is a strategic withdraw from enemy forces to a quiet or secluded place. That is exactly what this weekend was for me.

I am surrounded by beautiful women who challenge me to love sincerely and to fight with tenacity. I would love one day to live in community with any of these girls in another context, serving alongside them in the purpose of bringing Glory to God!

Annnnd for those of you who may be curious, Joe and I are doing just fine :) Maybe one day I will write a blog post about this man...

Eternal Hope

What is the Gospel? grace and peace. These are the two things we have, given to us from Jesus Himself, that the world longs for. We don't live in guilt and shame for the past, because of His grace, we have a clean heart. We don't live in fear or anxiety, because His peace quiets the storms and gives us hope for tomorrow. We have eternity placed on our hearts; a longing for something more, only because we know the promise that this life will pass away and our King will come restore the world and dwell with us. It's the kind of story we think only exists in children's books, and yet we hold onto it with all we are. He gave His life for love, and I want to do the same for Him. The price He paid deserves my all, and I am compelled by that love to share what I know.

So then, why do we still fear man? Why do we doubt God? Why do we lie and gossip? Why do we try to earn the admiration of peers and the attention of men? Why are we not all healed when we ask, and why, most importantly, why do our actions question His Word?

This weekend I had a chance to 'promote' our college at a youth evangelism conference. I spent hours with one of the new freshmen girls, and we really got to know each other's hearts. I was reminded of my attitude towards it all when I first came here last year, and amazed at the changes I could see. I was so concerned before coming to BCOM about becoming 'too spiritual' and losing sight of the world around me. I thought I knew it all, and had a pretty good grasp on who God is. It was an important reminder of how big God is, and how much deeper in He wants to draw us. Even though the conference was cheesy, and filled with hype and lights and noise, I did see God at work in those kids' lives. I saw passion in high school students to start bible studies and make a stand for purity. I saw lives being surrendered for the work of God and I saw obedience. It showed us all how God loves to work in our flawed set-ups.

Last night, I went to the streets of Minneapolis for outreach. It was a brutal night for me personally, and I couldn't wait for it to be done. I felt sick, and I was tired from the other event. I felt like I had nothing to say to any of the University students, and could hardly pray. Even in my weakness I knew God's kindness towards me. My team didn't condemn me, but instead prayed for me and made me laugh with stories. The lesson for me: I don't want to have a hard heart for this world. I want my heart to be broken for the lost, just as the Good Shepherd goes after the one lost sheep. It's not my story though, it's His. He will be glorified because His name requires it. and with all this. with all my doubts and hardness in my heart. He loves me no differently. He loves me completely and wholly. I don't think I get that fully...

but it's enough for me to keep going. This hope I have. This promise of a home and a family with Him. This love that I can never change. I hold on to that.

You are Everything.

Back to school. It's been so long that I have gone back to anything! For years I have jumped around from one thing to the next, trying to follow God through the years of unknown.

It feels so right to be back here. In contrast to many of my friends, I had a wonderful summer. To sum it up, every time I am asked all I say is: I am blessed! I have a great family and friends and was given this summer to soak up time with them before many of them move themselves. We have an awesome church group too that helped keep me accountable all summer and gave me the same sort of community I grew accustomed to here at BCOM. After saying all that though, what strikes me is that even though my summer was so blessed, being here is even a step above that. No dig on my home, it's just so good here! This week it has been a week to get into everything slow with just the sophomore students back, meaning plenty of time to hang out and catch up! It is evident that God is stirring up our class to be prayer warriors. We have had awesome times of prayer already, and rich fellowship. We've also had a bonfire and gone out to eat and went bowling and to the beach! There is so much expectation for this coming year, and for God to move powerfully through our class. We are all so excited for the incoming class to get here (tomorrow) so we can start pouring into them as well! Our class is small this year, about 28 I have heard. We all have such love for one another though, and a deep desire for truth and knowledge.

This week as the freshmen come in we will be having many prayer nights and chapel services to dedicate this class and year to God. I pray that we, as upperclassmen, will be sensitive to what God is doing and not try to do what we think should happen. I pray that we will come alongside our brothers and sisters with encouragement. I pray that we know more of God's rich love, so that we are able to love with His love.

Basically, Im just loving this, and so excited for each day given!

may we be one.

Today, while cleaning my boss' basement and listening to a sermon on my laptop, I realized something. Well, maybe a few things. Without the cross; without the death of my own agenda and perceived needs on a daily basis, all this that I am so keen on means nothing. The Bible defines love as laying down one's life for a friend (1 john somewhere). In our death, we reflect Jesus' life (2 Cor 4 something). If my entire day is not lived through that lens, then who am I living for? Myself. My needs are still in high demand. My desires are not easily 'self-controlled'. I still do what I want, when I want for the majority of my day, and I thank people when they tell me they respect the way I walk to my own beat.

I also realized that everything does come in seasons, and that really is okay. Especially when looking at the church. A while ago now I had the revelation that the church on earth is not going to be perfect, so we might as well be content where we are planted and love like none other as we learn. When Jesus returns, He is returning for His Bride - that being the church - and the Bible tells us that He is coming back for a spotless Bride. A perfect church. Until that time, we are in the process of being renewed. Still, I find myself wanting and praying for us as a body to just get it. To pray more, to minister more, to love more, to serve, to give, to disciple, to teach, to do and be all the things we see in the New Testament church! Finally, today it clicked. We will have seasons in our churches where ministry is the big push. There will be seasons of corporate prayer, and seasons of deep theological teaching. The key is to die to ourselves when we want something else and to let those gifted in that specific area, shine. Let the Spirit do His work in and through us. What a concept!

I am really learning to love this way of being the church...

That's twice.

Thank you God for these moments.

I am humbled by Your love and care.

Thank you for just being near.

You know that deep down I am scared,

I'm still a little girl, with no where else to turn.

I trust in your sovereignty and your wisdom;

I know you have my best in mind.

[help my unbelief, and

show me which way to turn]

This journey home

Wow Wow Wow! God, you are so good. I am left in awe by the works of your hands. Everywhere I look I see evidence of you moving and shaking things up. I am blessed to be surrounded by so many who hunger for all that you have and all that you are. God, we want to know you and we want to see this world through your eyes! Without you, it means nothing. I WANT my life to mean nothing without you. Stir up this fire in my bones Lord, not for me, but for Your glory. I only want to do what you want of me. I know it starts in the small things, and I ask for your help as I strive to listen.

Jess and I returned home today after a week and a half on the road. We hit up 11 states total, with 5 new ones added to the list. We had some great conversation along the way, and spent a good deal of time just praising God for the works He has done and praying for these upcoming months. It is so cool to see Jess' heart where it is now. In fact, every place we stopped in held stories of God radically grabbing hold of people's lives, turning hearts to Him with urgency. It was incredible to be able to see this happening on such a wide-spread scale! Over and over the testimony was hunger and Glory to God. His church is crying out for more.

As we neared home, I started feeling apprehension fill me. I was worried that it wasn't going to be the same at home, or that I wouldn't be the same person as I feel that I have become. God's peace is pretty cool though, and those thoughts left pretty fast. When we arrived home, I was blown away by the things God has been doing since I have been at school. His Spirit is so rich here! I love this house church group, and am so excited to be apart of it! Something is radically different here, and I feel challenged already. I want to learn more, and grow more and pray more and love more. One of the best things about God.... is that He has NO limit. There is no cap to the things He is or the things He will do.

And He chose to love us.

Wow Wow Wow.

Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say...

It is well, it is well, it is well with my soul.

Saturday morning, I was blindfolded and put in a car with three of my friends from school and driven to an unknown location about two hours away from school. It was early, and I was so tired but really excited for the day to come as well. The sophomore class above us has hyped up this experience so much that we all knew slightly

what was going to happen, or so we thought.

We were led into a field, blindfolded still, and told to start singing "It is well" two times over. Once we stopped singing, we looked around us in awe. We were literally in the middle of nowhere. We managed to find our way through the farms and backroads to a small town. From there we got on a Highway and walked from town to town, sharing stories with those we encountered and offering prayer to anyone willing. We had a lot of time on our hands to talk with God. We did have a few miraculous things happen for our group. Like never going the wrong direction once - every time we were at a crossroads, we would pray and ask God to give us a general consensus. He did. We also were blessed with a delicious meal right around lunch time. A woman had driven by us on the highway, and told herself that if we were still there when she went home, she would stop and see if she could help. We were still walking of course, and she pulled alongside and straightaway asked if we were hungry. You have no idea how much joy we had in that moment! We made our way to her cafe while she picked up some food, and we ended up eating and talking with her for a couple hours. We were able to pray for her, and I think she was just happy to be heard and seen. That food and kindness held us over all day. Also, at about the same time we decided we were done and at our wits end for the day, we found a church with an open door. We had a safe, warm place to wait for our pickup just in time to miss the massive thunderstorm.

The best part of it all though, was just to be aware of God's presence the entire time. He was walking with us, and encouraging us the whole time. There were multiple times that I heard His voice specifically -

a couple times we acted on those things and He was so faithful to move as we obeyed. Other things were just whispers to my heart, but they were things I needed to hear. Our group was given a supernatural ability to worship and pray during our walking. Out of the 25 miles covered, I think close to 20 of those were spent in prayer and reading the Bible outloud. We prayed over all the other teams often, and started praying for each individual student in the freshman class. We prayed for each person we met along the road, and prayed over the towns and the churches. It was not by our strength either. If it was, I would have been silent a lot more of the time. Whenever we started zoning out, or focusing on our weary bodies or frustration of lack of rides, that is when we just started to sing or pray. God was there with us, and was the only thing that kept us in such high spirits. My team too was such an encouragement.

I think going into this I was expecting that it was about miracles. I know that it doesn't depend on our faith necessarily, but on what God is doing. It is about us listening and walking into what He is already at work on. I think we were all just expecting, well, an easier ride. What we got to experience was far better. We got to walk like Jesus walked. Like the apostles walked. Like Paul walked on his missionary journeys. Like countless believers have walked in the past to spread the Good News about the love of Jesus and like countless of people today walk, just to meet their daily needs. It was a joy to join in that procession. I didn't do this because I needed anything, or because I wanted to give God an opportunity to do something crazy. He doesn't need me for that. The cross we were carrying represents Perfect Love. We are commanded by God to love Him and to love others, but how can we if we don't understand what love is? Carrying a cross, and spending a day walking with Him will help with that.

We were able to hear people's stories, and share with them our journey. We were able to pray and bless people in Jesus' Name. We were able to grow closer together as friends and experience God's closeness and faithfulness. We may never know what - if any - outcome our walking through those little towns will affect. As radical as this experience seemed to be, I don't think we left very many people shaking their heads at us 'crazy Christians' even if people didn't understand. I think we were able to speak in love and in truth and it was all done in the shadow of the cross. The symbol of Perfect Love. At the end of the road, I can truly say that it was an honor to be deemed worthy to carry such a burden in the name of someone far greater than I can even comprehend. For it is by grace that we have been saved, not through works. It is by His suffering that we are able to share in His glory, because of His perfect and holy love.

Follow the Leader

Tomorrow we are embarking on quite the adventure. Its called a crosswalk.

Basically the freshmen class has been split into groups of four. We will be driven to different locations and dropped off in the middle of nowhere with a big cross. We aren't supposed to bring anything with us besides a bible and journal and camera, and the clothes on our backs. We aren't supposed to ask any questions and are supposed to share the good news of Jesus' love to anyone who approaches us. If we don't find a place to stay on Saturday night we will get provided transportation back to the school. Otherwise, the goal is to make it back to the school Sunday evening.

At first, I really had the wrong perspective of this. I was thinking that it seemed a whole lot like testing God to see if He shows up. I didn't want to put myself in a situation just for fun to see if God feels like providing for us. After talking it over with some of my friends, and talking about it in class with our teacher, I am a lot more excited about this! Our teacher made the comment that if we make it a game, that's exactly what it will be for us. If we go into this with the expectation that God is going to show up and teach us something and reveal more of His character to us, then He will. The purpose is not for us, but for His glory. We are acting out exactly what Jesus told the disciples when he sent them out to do ministry. He told them to take nothing with them, but to trust in the Lord's provision. He told them to pick up their crosses daily and follow Him. This is a chance to take His word literally. To trust Him for His provision, and to trust Him by His provision. To follow His voice and speak with boldness into the lives of those we meet along the way. I know we will have to wrestle through discouragement and embarrassment. It will be a difficult experience. This week in class we have been learning about the works of the Holy Spirit. I think it has been the most well-rounded teaching on this subject that I have ever heard. I really really liked it. I actually feel like my heart has been awakened in a new way this week - it's been pretty cool! I have had such an incredible desire to be in prayer all week. I don't know if I have ever loved praying so much as I have this week! One of the things our teacher said that stuck in my head was that we need to put ourselves in a situation where if God doesn't show up, we are in big trouble. That's what the disciples did. Sometimes they even failed, but I think I would rather fail and be caught by God than live a simple life not expecting much. We are meant to be ushering in the Kingdom of God. This requires action and faith. This weekend will be a pretty good expression of that I think.

Please pray for us. It still makes me nervous, but I want to be challenged. I want to trust that God is good and big and full of love for people I have never even met before. I want to walk that out tomorrow. At the very least I will be experiencing what it would look like to be unable to hide the workings of Jesus in my life. Carrying a giant cross on the side of the road doesn't exactly scream out mediocrity or relativity. I think I need a little of this in my life.

Love deeply. Act now.

My heart is so full. and so is my head. with completely different things.

I had to leave class this morning, I just couldn't fit one more thing inside me. I found a spot on the floor in the school that I'm pretty sure never even gets walked on, and laid down. I don't think I fell asleep, but I found rest.

For months now my daily prayer has been me crying out to God asking Him to teach me to love with His love. The first commandment is to love God, but Jesus tells us in John that we show our love by obeying His commands, and His second command is to love others. I don't want to just love the people I get along with when I feel like it though. I don't want to just get along with people. I want to learn to sacrificially love, with a deep deep concern for that person's life. It's impossible if it's not through Christ. So in asking to love others better, Im learning to love Him better.

This past weekend I went down to Kansas City for an admissions/promotion event. After the event, Katie and I found our way to ihop (international house of prayer). We sat in the prayer room for hours, then joined the evening service. The message spoke directly to my heart. It was on the church in the last days - something that can be found throughout the New Testament. Peter spoke of it in his books and said that with the end approaching, we need to be of clear mind so that we can pray. We also need to love eachother deeply, and extend hospitality to others selflessly. Hospitality meaning sacrificing your time and resources and to share your life with someone you don't know very well, if at all. And to do it with the mindset that you could be entertaining an angel. Peter also said that we need to be knowledgeable about the gifts of the Spirit in our lives so that we can serve one another as a church. As we serve each other, we glorify Him.

Our class this week just happens to be on the first 6 chapters of Acts. We are literally going through verse by verse, and expected to memorize it all. Man, I would love to live in a community as crazy and vibrant as Acts describes. The most evident factor of those who were filled with the Holy Spirit was boldness. The believers were bold in their expressions of love and truth. It was powerful stuff.

All that, plus this week is Preview week. That just happens to be one of the two college visit events that we put on every year that I happen to be partially responsible for pulling off. There is so much to be done before they all come tomorrow, but as I sat here praying, I was reminded of God's grandeur. His majesty. His glory. and he is good all the time. Just reading Jessica's blog helps put that into perspective. Those kids are little miracles.

Uganda.

Bus ride to Bugembi.
Miracle Center Church with lots of singing and dancing.
Visit to Baby Jessica and mom. Making Chapatis.
Visit to old orphanage - seeing the kids and meeting the man.

(He was cordial, and let us come approach the kids. The wife and baby were back. there were new volunteers. It was like nothing had ever happened. These kids were shy, but they loved Jess and Derek. We danced and took pictures. It was obvious that these kids were worse off out here in the village than the city-kid orphans. I didn't really understand a lot of what I saw, but I loved playing with these kids. Pauline (Baby Jessica's mom) still helps out, even though they still have not been paid anything that was promised to them. There is little change to be seen. Then we left)

Visit to the slum/village and met Maria and Sarah. They are college students my age with big dreams. They even baked me a cake.

and that was my first day...

Monday: Morning with the kids and afternoon in town. We went swimming in the source of the nile. I met one of Jess' street kid friends.
Tuesday: Day in Kampala. We took the bus into town with 25 of Jessica's friend's "aunties" and went to visit his great-grandma. She is some sort of Muslim religious figure so we went to pay her respect. She is 118 years old and still served us a meal! It was an honor to be in her home.
Wednesday: Day with the kids in the orphanage. Volunteer night with goooood food and a game of Biblical Apples to Apples.
Thursday: Morning of errands in Jinja. Afternoon at Bugegali Falls - the Nile River. We went on a boat ride and went swimming in the Nile! After the others left, Jess and I made some friends and went on a hike along the river through forests, farmland, and villages. We ended up fishing, and watching kayakers, and jumping from trees into the water.
Friday: Safari day! An 8 hour journey turned into 13 with multiple battery problems. Once we got to the park, we did a drive through and saw our first lion! at night we slept in tents and were surrounded by lions warthogs and hippos in the middle of the night! I didn't sleep much...
Saturday: Our second safari drive. It was so beautiful! What an amazing opportunity to be reminded of God's beauty and creativity. Around noon we started the long drive back home. Good conversation and new friends were the result of this drive.
Sunday: Morning with the kids and a hard goodbye.

It was a packed week. I met so many incredible people and got to see a lot in a very short time. I feel so blessed to have been able to experience this. Jess Kayla Derek and Pippin were such an encouragement to me. It was neat too to see how much I have changed and grown and have my lessons become applicable in another cultural context.

I realized too that as much as I have been trained to think this way, ministry does not all look alike. God wants obedience from us. If that means entering into the world of business, it is still full time ministry. Whether its working with the poor or the rich, it is still ministry if you are acting in obedience. My desire to travel isn't necessarily a selfish desire just to see the world and avoid responsibility. I don't just want to travel. I want to encourage people in their dreams and passions. I want to pour life into other people, and I want to teach and disciple. If this comes in the forms of visiting people in different countries, or taking groups of people to experience different cultures themselves, then I want to walk into that boldly. Over and over I have repeated to God: I just want to do what you want me to do! My deepest desire is just to serve Him.

I returned to school with so much joy. God's grace enabled me to look back on Uganda and feel fulfilled. Even with only a week, it did not seem too short. I have entered into a new class now, which happens to be the best one yet. I am back with my temporary family, and I love them more than I did even weeks ago.

Even now I sit in a room surrounded by Samantha, Austin Malaina and Joe - quietly reading our assignments that are due on Monday. I can't wait to see the direction He takes us each on...

Inkwendieno. Love love love.

a gift from me to you. Thanks Dad.

There are about 50 other things that I SHOULD be doing right now, but I can't help to stop and ponder on God's faithfulness in my life - and share the story with you! I actually just finished rushing around trying to figure things out in my own strength, and I sat down in this couch with a pillow sitting next to me that reads: "Worry ends where faith in Jesus begins". That is SO true.. and a good reminder for me right now.

Here's the story: I have been praying literally every day for nearly 5 months for the opportunity to visit my sister in Uganda. It started with a class on prayer, and how God wants us to be persistent in our prayer. While studying this, God really gave me the impression to make a list of the things/people on my heart and to begin praying with expectancy for these things. and with persistence. The next day, I was healed from lactose intolerance... one of the things on my list. I kept praying for these things, some more diligently than others. The lesson I was learning was that it is a 'yes' until it's a 'no' from God. No answer is not necessarily a NO. He wants us to keep coming to him in prayer. He wants to refine our hearts through prayer. He also wants to test our faith in what we are willing to pursue. Anyway, long story short, after much faith wavering and prayer, God answered my prayers by providing me the money I needed to purchase the place ticket to Uganda - through a friend and my forgotten tax return! What a Valentine's Day gift! It took me a couple days to reach Jess and tell her, and I still haven't been able to actually book the ticket. It's a little stressful having this all so last minute! There is much to do... including getting a yellow fever shot. book the tickets. call jess and finalize details. PLUS make sure Im caught up for homework and work that I will be missing next week. It's a busy week to be missing too!! But, God gave me the answer yes before I had any idea HOW it would work. He is faithful, and will work out the details of this trip! and my schoolwork!

My dear friend and roommate wrote me a letter when she found out, and it turned out to be a great encouragement to me! It explains very eloquently what I was feeling on Monday so I wanted to share it as well:

My dear Jenn,
I hope you realize, my dear sister, that Jesus has just given you an enormous valentine! Not only in the form of the trip to Uganda itself has this come, but in such a grand increase of faith! He has given this to me too!! What a joy this is to be so close to such a story - and to have been used by God to bring it about through prayer.
This is huge Jen. This is God Himself sitting next to you in class and joining you in the hallway to cry. This is Him standing with us in front of the bathrooms and the echo room laughing with us as we hugged and jumped up and down. It's HIm sighing with love and asking with a smirk: "Why did you doubt?" (for at least I did, a little). This is God proving to us, yet again, that we have no reason to live as if we think He is not trustworthy, or omnipotent, or that He doesn't love to give good gifts to His children. This is indeed a Happy Valentine's Day. I applaud God's impeccable timing. How more sweetly significant this is than it would have been on any old day, like February 3rd. I think this date was the cherry on top. Man, He must love us Jen!
Remember what I wrote about Nathanael in John 1, and my dad and the swing? "You will see greater things than these" - I believe this was one of them - and that it's only the beginning. I don't want anything to hold me back from greater faith and explicit trust in God for everything from finding shoes for work, to plane tickets overseas - and beyond! your faith and vision has brought about this straw (which I hope will be the last) necessary to break my accursed scepticism. He has won me over again.
But God Himself has done this, by working in secret until the opportune time, anticipating your reaction of astonishment and wonder. Meanwhile, He's kept me riveted to the hope of this result by the assurance: "And then you will know that I am the Lord." I trust I will not be the only one convinced of this by the testimony of this story. However you tell it in the future this must be resoundingly clear: The zeal of the Lord Almighty has accomplished this.
I'm so glad I can share this joy with you.
Love, Alyssa

Old Games. New Stories.

I don't know if I am allowed to be this happy for my sister. It's a strange form of jealousy because I don't wish that it WAS me, I just wish I could be experiencing what she is along side her. I want to see it. Spring break is only weeks away, but I'm still praying that doors could open for me to go. A week with her there would hardly even do it justice. I am so proud of my little sis. I think its awesome that she is living it out. What a better way to dream than to live in it?

[UPDATE on Uganda: last night I went with a couple friends and a teacher to her friends house for dinner. It was a fun night filled with good conversation in a home with a family. Loved it. Nita asked us what we were planning for spring break, and so I described to them my prayer for visiting Jess in Uganda. I got to explain what she is doing there and the things God is revealing to her. Later in conversation, the topic turned to my time in India, and I explained to them what God showed ME in India when I was there my first time. I did not even realize what I was saying, but after put it together. It's so similar to being the same dream... just in a different context. I felt like that was the green light I had been waiting for for months from God. I recognized His voice. It was the same voice that confirmed my decision about YWAM years ago. The same voice that told me to choose India over Rwanda during my DTS. The same voice that said I could go back to India last year. I still don't know HOW it will happen, but I feel like yesterday I got the go-ahead when previously all I was hearing was wait. It's kind of exciting! If anyone has any airmiles/aeroplan points that they would be willing to give up for this please let me know! I would happily use your hard earned points!]

On another note, I had something called 'Ministry Week'... which was really two and a half days...earlier this week. I was with a group of girls who went to the Healing House. It's a safe house for women dealing with abuse or addiction or similar experiences. I met some incredible women over these past few days... and kids too! I don't even know which part was my favorite! We have to write a brief paper about a highlight and I think choosing my topic will be the most difficult part.

We arrived Monday afternoon knowing that we already had too many of us for the work that they would have for us to do... and knowing that we would have to be fairly flexible. Kenzie and I were given the role of student leaders, which really meant organizing people into groups when necessary and being on top of the schedule. Our first day was spent in the kitchen preparing food and cleaning and organizing. After dinner I got caught talking with a girl from Texas, and ended up hearing her life story with a couple others in her room with pictures and all. It was cool to be trusted so quickly. The next day was spent with cleaning and childcare mostly. After lunch a few of us played a game with some of the ladies. We got caught talking again, and this time heard another incredible story from one of the residents. It was so inspiring to have these women open up to us and tell us their stories. We heard stories of self-mutilation. of abuse. of of rape. of drugs and alcohol. and of love. We spent the night and woke for another day feeling more and more at home. These ladies welcomed us into their lives. They told us after that it felt like a vacation while we were there. We were able to bring with us a fresh breath of air and a spirit of newness. We were just happy they felt as blessed as we did! Our final day didn't hold very much 'work' to do at all, but there was crafts to prep and rooms to clean. In the evening we put on a service for the ladies, and did childcare for the kids. I got the oldest kids and had so much fun making up games and competitions to entertain them. I walked away with my first silly-band ever, as well as two drawings and a hug from the most unlikely of all the kids. It was hard to leave. BUT some of the ladies talked us in to coming back this coming weekend for a girls night complete with nail polish and pizza! I look forward to that on Saturday...

Today was back to Global Harvest Church for the first time since before break. Back to igloo building too! and back to class tomorrow.

Move it.

Awaken. I like this word. Why do we slumber? Because we are tired. we need a break. we need rejuvenation. we need rest. The cry of 'awaken' is one that says I've rested enough...I want more. Awake my senses. my thoughts. my heart. my passions. Let my cries not lie dormant in my mind. Shake me, and bring me from this place of slumber. We are hungry for more. and we want to wake up to what You are doing.

This is the name of (and the idea behind) the service last night that I left halfway through. It was an ihop worship night that was jam-packed full in the church next door. Although I love both the idea and the realization of this kind of service, I found myself unable to stay. One thought that crossed my mind is why are we all here searching when we have the Truth already? I recognize though the importance of seeking for more. being filled up. and refreshed. The importance of meeting with God in corporate praise and worship and of letting Him minister to us. Again though, I was unable to remain. I walked out and opened up my Bible to 1 Corinthians 12-14 where it talks about the Body of Christ and about Gifts of the Spirit. I love this passage. Especially when it brings up love. Love is the greatest of them all. Without it, everything else we do is worthless. Anyway... something super cool jumped out at me. I have read this passage time and time again, but I have never noticed this! One of the gifts listed under spiritual gifts is 'helping people work together' or something. [I just looked it up in another translation, and it says 'leadership' which is really cool too, because I didn't put that together earlier]. The reason this stood out to me so much today was because it is pretty much exactly what I had been doing all day!


For the past two weeks all I have been talking about is building an igloo. I think I kind of get caught in these ruts of thought sometimes and I usually just need to DO something about it and stop talking about it. So yesterday as soon as I woke up and got dressed, I headed with a shovel to the huge snow drift I had scoped out earlier this week. I started to dig. and dig. and dig. But my arms got tired pretty fast, and before I knew it, it was time for lunch. and for recruitment! I spread the word around the cafeteria and got a couple confirmed diggers. I took another person out there after lunch, and went back to search out more shovels and more helpers. All day, it was back and forth, telling people about my vision for a giant igloo and letting them buy into it with their imaginations...then convincing them to lend a hand. It was awesome to see so many people get excited about it and want to come help! We never had more than three at a time working on the igloo, and we were able to take shifts and stay relatively warm. Multiple people yesterday blessed me with the word 'visionary'. I like this word... it reminds me of my dad! Even though it was JUST an igloo, there was much more to it than it seemed. I had such joy in seeing an idea come to reality particularly because it could not have happened by myself. I am far too weak! I needed other people to catch on to it to make it happen. They helped construct it, and form the original idea to something more workable. It is through the Body that we are strong! It was such a cool representation of God's Church to me.

Back to the worship service: I think I was feeling a bit bummed because so often I watch the Holy Spirit's hand in services like these; watching people speak in languages that I don't understand, and people receiving visions of the Father's love or of His Kingdom... but rarely does God show up to me in these ways. Plus, I was super tired from being out in the snow digging all day! That's when I went back to read, and pray. I really think this was God speaking to me and reminding me of the purposes of His Body. This is not to diminish the supernatural acts of God.. because I love those things! Just a reminder to myself that He moves and acts in so many ways... and I'm not to only expect Him to move in one direction. How boring would that be :)

Now I want to go finish that igloo!