So then, why do we still fear man? Why do we doubt God? Why do we lie and gossip? Why do we try to earn the admiration of peers and the attention of men? Why are we not all healed when we ask, and why, most importantly, why do our actions question His Word?
This weekend I had a chance to 'promote' our college at a youth evangelism conference. I spent hours with one of the new freshmen girls, and we really got to know each other's hearts. I was reminded of my attitude towards it all when I first came here last year, and amazed at the changes I could see. I was so concerned before coming to BCOM about becoming 'too spiritual' and losing sight of the world around me. I thought I knew it all, and had a pretty good grasp on who God is. It was an important reminder of how big God is, and how much deeper in He wants to draw us. Even though the conference was cheesy, and filled with hype and lights and noise, I did see God at work in those kids' lives. I saw passion in high school students to start bible studies and make a stand for purity. I saw lives being surrendered for the work of God and I saw obedience. It showed us all how God loves to work in our flawed set-ups.
Last night, I went to the streets of Minneapolis for outreach. It was a brutal night for me personally, and I couldn't wait for it to be done. I felt sick, and I was tired from the other event. I felt like I had nothing to say to any of the University students, and could hardly pray. Even in my weakness I knew God's kindness towards me. My team didn't condemn me, but instead prayed for me and made me laugh with stories. The lesson for me: I don't want to have a hard heart for this world. I want my heart to be broken for the lost, just as the Good Shepherd goes after the one lost sheep. It's not my story though, it's His. He will be glorified because His name requires it. and with all this. with all my doubts and hardness in my heart. He loves me no differently. He loves me completely and wholly. I don't think I get that fully...
but it's enough for me to keep going. This hope I have. This promise of a home and a family with Him. This love that I can never change. I hold on to that.
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