a gift from me to you. Thanks Dad.

There are about 50 other things that I SHOULD be doing right now, but I can't help to stop and ponder on God's faithfulness in my life - and share the story with you! I actually just finished rushing around trying to figure things out in my own strength, and I sat down in this couch with a pillow sitting next to me that reads: "Worry ends where faith in Jesus begins". That is SO true.. and a good reminder for me right now.

Here's the story: I have been praying literally every day for nearly 5 months for the opportunity to visit my sister in Uganda. It started with a class on prayer, and how God wants us to be persistent in our prayer. While studying this, God really gave me the impression to make a list of the things/people on my heart and to begin praying with expectancy for these things. and with persistence. The next day, I was healed from lactose intolerance... one of the things on my list. I kept praying for these things, some more diligently than others. The lesson I was learning was that it is a 'yes' until it's a 'no' from God. No answer is not necessarily a NO. He wants us to keep coming to him in prayer. He wants to refine our hearts through prayer. He also wants to test our faith in what we are willing to pursue. Anyway, long story short, after much faith wavering and prayer, God answered my prayers by providing me the money I needed to purchase the place ticket to Uganda - through a friend and my forgotten tax return! What a Valentine's Day gift! It took me a couple days to reach Jess and tell her, and I still haven't been able to actually book the ticket. It's a little stressful having this all so last minute! There is much to do... including getting a yellow fever shot. book the tickets. call jess and finalize details. PLUS make sure Im caught up for homework and work that I will be missing next week. It's a busy week to be missing too!! But, God gave me the answer yes before I had any idea HOW it would work. He is faithful, and will work out the details of this trip! and my schoolwork!

My dear friend and roommate wrote me a letter when she found out, and it turned out to be a great encouragement to me! It explains very eloquently what I was feeling on Monday so I wanted to share it as well:

My dear Jenn,
I hope you realize, my dear sister, that Jesus has just given you an enormous valentine! Not only in the form of the trip to Uganda itself has this come, but in such a grand increase of faith! He has given this to me too!! What a joy this is to be so close to such a story - and to have been used by God to bring it about through prayer.
This is huge Jen. This is God Himself sitting next to you in class and joining you in the hallway to cry. This is Him standing with us in front of the bathrooms and the echo room laughing with us as we hugged and jumped up and down. It's HIm sighing with love and asking with a smirk: "Why did you doubt?" (for at least I did, a little). This is God proving to us, yet again, that we have no reason to live as if we think He is not trustworthy, or omnipotent, or that He doesn't love to give good gifts to His children. This is indeed a Happy Valentine's Day. I applaud God's impeccable timing. How more sweetly significant this is than it would have been on any old day, like February 3rd. I think this date was the cherry on top. Man, He must love us Jen!
Remember what I wrote about Nathanael in John 1, and my dad and the swing? "You will see greater things than these" - I believe this was one of them - and that it's only the beginning. I don't want anything to hold me back from greater faith and explicit trust in God for everything from finding shoes for work, to plane tickets overseas - and beyond! your faith and vision has brought about this straw (which I hope will be the last) necessary to break my accursed scepticism. He has won me over again.
But God Himself has done this, by working in secret until the opportune time, anticipating your reaction of astonishment and wonder. Meanwhile, He's kept me riveted to the hope of this result by the assurance: "And then you will know that I am the Lord." I trust I will not be the only one convinced of this by the testimony of this story. However you tell it in the future this must be resoundingly clear: The zeal of the Lord Almighty has accomplished this.
I'm so glad I can share this joy with you.
Love, Alyssa

Old Games. New Stories.

I don't know if I am allowed to be this happy for my sister. It's a strange form of jealousy because I don't wish that it WAS me, I just wish I could be experiencing what she is along side her. I want to see it. Spring break is only weeks away, but I'm still praying that doors could open for me to go. A week with her there would hardly even do it justice. I am so proud of my little sis. I think its awesome that she is living it out. What a better way to dream than to live in it?

[UPDATE on Uganda: last night I went with a couple friends and a teacher to her friends house for dinner. It was a fun night filled with good conversation in a home with a family. Loved it. Nita asked us what we were planning for spring break, and so I described to them my prayer for visiting Jess in Uganda. I got to explain what she is doing there and the things God is revealing to her. Later in conversation, the topic turned to my time in India, and I explained to them what God showed ME in India when I was there my first time. I did not even realize what I was saying, but after put it together. It's so similar to being the same dream... just in a different context. I felt like that was the green light I had been waiting for for months from God. I recognized His voice. It was the same voice that confirmed my decision about YWAM years ago. The same voice that told me to choose India over Rwanda during my DTS. The same voice that said I could go back to India last year. I still don't know HOW it will happen, but I feel like yesterday I got the go-ahead when previously all I was hearing was wait. It's kind of exciting! If anyone has any airmiles/aeroplan points that they would be willing to give up for this please let me know! I would happily use your hard earned points!]

On another note, I had something called 'Ministry Week'... which was really two and a half days...earlier this week. I was with a group of girls who went to the Healing House. It's a safe house for women dealing with abuse or addiction or similar experiences. I met some incredible women over these past few days... and kids too! I don't even know which part was my favorite! We have to write a brief paper about a highlight and I think choosing my topic will be the most difficult part.

We arrived Monday afternoon knowing that we already had too many of us for the work that they would have for us to do... and knowing that we would have to be fairly flexible. Kenzie and I were given the role of student leaders, which really meant organizing people into groups when necessary and being on top of the schedule. Our first day was spent in the kitchen preparing food and cleaning and organizing. After dinner I got caught talking with a girl from Texas, and ended up hearing her life story with a couple others in her room with pictures and all. It was cool to be trusted so quickly. The next day was spent with cleaning and childcare mostly. After lunch a few of us played a game with some of the ladies. We got caught talking again, and this time heard another incredible story from one of the residents. It was so inspiring to have these women open up to us and tell us their stories. We heard stories of self-mutilation. of abuse. of of rape. of drugs and alcohol. and of love. We spent the night and woke for another day feeling more and more at home. These ladies welcomed us into their lives. They told us after that it felt like a vacation while we were there. We were able to bring with us a fresh breath of air and a spirit of newness. We were just happy they felt as blessed as we did! Our final day didn't hold very much 'work' to do at all, but there was crafts to prep and rooms to clean. In the evening we put on a service for the ladies, and did childcare for the kids. I got the oldest kids and had so much fun making up games and competitions to entertain them. I walked away with my first silly-band ever, as well as two drawings and a hug from the most unlikely of all the kids. It was hard to leave. BUT some of the ladies talked us in to coming back this coming weekend for a girls night complete with nail polish and pizza! I look forward to that on Saturday...

Today was back to Global Harvest Church for the first time since before break. Back to igloo building too! and back to class tomorrow.

Move it.

Awaken. I like this word. Why do we slumber? Because we are tired. we need a break. we need rejuvenation. we need rest. The cry of 'awaken' is one that says I've rested enough...I want more. Awake my senses. my thoughts. my heart. my passions. Let my cries not lie dormant in my mind. Shake me, and bring me from this place of slumber. We are hungry for more. and we want to wake up to what You are doing.

This is the name of (and the idea behind) the service last night that I left halfway through. It was an ihop worship night that was jam-packed full in the church next door. Although I love both the idea and the realization of this kind of service, I found myself unable to stay. One thought that crossed my mind is why are we all here searching when we have the Truth already? I recognize though the importance of seeking for more. being filled up. and refreshed. The importance of meeting with God in corporate praise and worship and of letting Him minister to us. Again though, I was unable to remain. I walked out and opened up my Bible to 1 Corinthians 12-14 where it talks about the Body of Christ and about Gifts of the Spirit. I love this passage. Especially when it brings up love. Love is the greatest of them all. Without it, everything else we do is worthless. Anyway... something super cool jumped out at me. I have read this passage time and time again, but I have never noticed this! One of the gifts listed under spiritual gifts is 'helping people work together' or something. [I just looked it up in another translation, and it says 'leadership' which is really cool too, because I didn't put that together earlier]. The reason this stood out to me so much today was because it is pretty much exactly what I had been doing all day!


For the past two weeks all I have been talking about is building an igloo. I think I kind of get caught in these ruts of thought sometimes and I usually just need to DO something about it and stop talking about it. So yesterday as soon as I woke up and got dressed, I headed with a shovel to the huge snow drift I had scoped out earlier this week. I started to dig. and dig. and dig. But my arms got tired pretty fast, and before I knew it, it was time for lunch. and for recruitment! I spread the word around the cafeteria and got a couple confirmed diggers. I took another person out there after lunch, and went back to search out more shovels and more helpers. All day, it was back and forth, telling people about my vision for a giant igloo and letting them buy into it with their imaginations...then convincing them to lend a hand. It was awesome to see so many people get excited about it and want to come help! We never had more than three at a time working on the igloo, and we were able to take shifts and stay relatively warm. Multiple people yesterday blessed me with the word 'visionary'. I like this word... it reminds me of my dad! Even though it was JUST an igloo, there was much more to it than it seemed. I had such joy in seeing an idea come to reality particularly because it could not have happened by myself. I am far too weak! I needed other people to catch on to it to make it happen. They helped construct it, and form the original idea to something more workable. It is through the Body that we are strong! It was such a cool representation of God's Church to me.

Back to the worship service: I think I was feeling a bit bummed because so often I watch the Holy Spirit's hand in services like these; watching people speak in languages that I don't understand, and people receiving visions of the Father's love or of His Kingdom... but rarely does God show up to me in these ways. Plus, I was super tired from being out in the snow digging all day! That's when I went back to read, and pray. I really think this was God speaking to me and reminding me of the purposes of His Body. This is not to diminish the supernatural acts of God.. because I love those things! Just a reminder to myself that He moves and acts in so many ways... and I'm not to only expect Him to move in one direction. How boring would that be :)

Now I want to go finish that igloo!

On Faith

Step onto the path and let the scenery unfold.

So, I tend to be a person that claims quotes for myself. I think I subconsciously store things away that I hear for later use, or something. I guess I like to think I am original. (Don't we all!?) I sometimes get caught with it, and sometimes I catch myself doing it. I also like to make up answers for people's questions just so they get answered - but don't worry - I usually tell the person that I just made that answer up! All that to say, as far as I am aware, the above stated quote is my own. In the very least, it holds personal meaning to me.

I have always thought of faith through pictures. I see it in my mind like walking from stone to stone in a river, not knowing really what is ahead, let alone on the other bank. Or like walking into a shaded forrest where you cannot see past the outer trees. You don't know what lies before you but you trust the one who tells you to walk. You know that there will be beauty regardless. It's the promise we can hold on to.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

This means a lot to me right now here at school. Just yesterday I had to say goodbye to three dear friends here at Bethany. It's been an emotional couple of days. You can sense the drain it has caused on the student body. It is hard to see friends leave, even when you know God has great things in store for these people. Through all the heaviness I have heard great words of encouragement and wisdom though. Mostly, it is amazing to see the faith that people have. So many students here are struggling for finances. Already we have lost 15 classmates just from our freshmen class and a number of those have been due to finances. It can be a hard pill to swallow. I know that God provides, and I have seen it done here time and time again. It's still hard. But to see the perseverance is encouraging. To see the hope. and to see the genuine love shared between those here. Community is not something that can be forced, but comes naturally out of the seeking and hungry heart.

One story in particular I think does a good job at explaining my thoughts about my statement on faith. One of our new students - Kelley - came here a couple weeks back with nothing. He came completely in faith that something would come up if he was meant to stay. I had an opportunity to get to know him a bit, and got to talk with him the night he was leaving campus. I was so encouraged by his attitude. His faith was not based on money, or school or even provision. His faith was based upon the knowledge that Jesus was with him and leading him on his great adventure of a life. He knows that all he is called to is obedience and that his own actions will add nothing to the beauty of his environment. The only beauty he knows is to follow the Lord, and he was excited to leave knowing that he gets to be with God no matter where he ends up. I really don't think this is a foolish way to live at all. Some might call it irresponsible to not have a plan or a fallback. I call it faith.

We are called to step out. To take the initial steps, and to even head into unknown territory. We are promised though that we do not walk alone. He will come alongside us to guide us and keep our feet steady... and to turn our eyes to His goodness.

Faith. Believing in what we cannot see. Hoping for what we cannot understand.

Even the smallest amount of this is enough to rearrange nature. How can we not stand up and boldly ask of the Lord to take us into new and exciting places!? We have nothing to lose by asking. God, increase our faith!

Dear Why:

A quote from my good friend Floyd:

"If you have apostolic passion, you are one of the most dangerous people on the planet. The world no longer rules your heart. You are n longer seduced by getting and gaining but devoted to spreading and proclaiming the glory of God in the nations. You live as a pilgrim, unattached to the cares of this world. You are not afraid of loss. You even dare to believe that you may be given the privilege of dying to spread His fame on the earth. The Father's passions have become your passions. You find your satisfaction and significance in Him. You believe that He is with you always, to the end of life itself. You are sold out to God, and you live for the Lamb. Satan fears you, and the angels applaud you..You have apostolic passion!" - Floyd McClung


Hm. I think this may be what my generation is searching for. But, in the way of Chris McCandleless, we have tried to abandon society in an attempt to find worth and happiness. The answer isn't in refusing to be like 'the rest of society'. The answer is in becoming so like Christ and entering into the societies of this world as a pilgrim.

Hm.

the King's Banquet

Last Monday, before Thanksgiving break, our school took part in a pretty major outreach in Minneapolis dubbed 'the King's Banquet' (Luke 14:12-24). We were all given roles for the evening. I was initially placed as a server, but switched to a table host the day of. Below is my testimony that I sent in to the group that put this on. I didn't have time to rewrite something for this blog, but I wanted to let you all in to my experience with this outreach. (I loved it, if that's no surprise!)


I sat in the far back corner, upstairs, waiting for my guests to arrive. From my vantage point, I had a pretty good view of the wall and the tables immediately to my left and thats about it. First to the table came Rich. Richard is a law student in his 50's that has been unemployed, and taking advantage of the food services offered at Dorothy Day since 2008. He is a devout Catholic who just seemed a little lonely. I enjoyed talking with him about legal studies and Ireland. Next to the table came Ron. Ron is pretty far on the other side of the spectrum from Rich. He is addicted to booze and has the goal to enter a wet-house and continue his lifestyle. Another host came to join our table so the ratio became one on one. As conversation continued, it became clear that these men had little in common. It was difficult to engage both of them at once, but once the talking started we let them listen to the message as we prayed silently over them. I could see instantly how both of these men seemed to shut down when the talking started. Ron put on his jacket and seemed to be looking for a time to exit. When he stood up to leave, I asked him if I could pray for him before he left. This led him away from the table so that Rich could have the full attention of the other host. After I prayed for Ron he suddenly told me this story of how some lady had prayed over his leg randomly on the street a few weeks back and he had been healed. He didn't seem to know why it happened, or why he was telling me really. His story launched us into a lengthy conversation about God's love for him. He wasn't ready to make any commitments to God, and still tried to make up excuses throughout the conversation. At the end, he did give me his kid's phone numbers and asked if I would contact them on his behalf and let them know that he is alive and doing alright. After Ron left, I went back to our table and sat down with the other two. We finished off our conversation and prayed for Rich, and the two guys exchanged contact information to keep in touch. We walked Rich down to the door, and with a hug, said goodbye. The other host and I shared stories from our separate conversations once they were gone. He had gone out with Ron before the event actually started and grabbed a hot drink. He told me that during their conversation, Ron was completely closed to talking about God in any way. He strongly felt like he should ask for Ron's kids contact information, but was reluctant in asking. God was so faithful in bringing that back up so that we would be sure it was from him. I really do believe, based on the conversation that Ron had prior to the event compared to the one we shared, that God is was really moving in his heart on this night. There was a real break-through by God's Spirit. I have yet to get in touch with both his children, but I pray for them often. I think God wants to reconcile this family back together. He is calling Ron to himself so strongly, and I know that he feels it! Prayer covering is needed for Ron and for his kids, Megan and Ryan, as well as over our future conversations!

Out there.

Two major themes are running through my mind right now. One is unity and complaining and the other is outreach.

Our freshmen class here at BCOM embraced unity right away. We were a family from the get-go. So, of course, this is going to be the thing that gets attacked from the enemy. A running problem around the campus lately has been this negative spirit and a complaining heart. It spreads so quickly. One person brings up a silly rule, and the whole group starts talking bad. It is a hard thing to turn around. Yesterday we had a class - one of our Power Of the Cross classes that we have every Friday - that was on Rebellion, Repentance, and Restitution. We spent a long time in our cell group after talking about rebellion. It doesn't need to look like purposely talking back or being outrightly defiant. It begins in our hearts. When we do things with an unwilling heart, and when we mock the authority placed above us. I really think it's a big problem here, even within my own heart. It is important to go back and think through the reasons we are here. We paid to come to this school. to learn. to grow. to be inspired. to make friends. to meet with God. There are so many reasons that could be listed out. And those things are all happening. It is just easier sometimes to focus on silly rules and structure, and get totally side-tracked. Yesterday in cell group we made a pact to spread joy instead of negativity. We want to try and cut down the complaints in our hearts before they have a chance to affect others. Its a start anyway... (reading back over this it really sounds like this is an awful place where everyone always has a bad attitude. that is so not the case. It is an underlying thing that rears its ugly head once and awhile. We just decided that a transformed heart was the better way.)

On outreach: I am SO looking forward to the outreach event that is happening next week! Every year the school puts on a major outreach n the week before Thanksgiving Break. This year, we are renting out a big hall downtown and serving dinner/putting on a program for hundreds of people, most of whom are homeless. I will be a server - so fun! We have people set up to be table hosts and kitchen duties and performers and a prayer team. I think it is going to be a pretty crazy night. On Thursday we all hit the streets with invitations and invited basically every person we saw, specifically targeting the homeless. Our group got out really late, and ended up getting lost for forever. It was cold too, so there were hardly any people on the streets. We didn't get very far with our invitations, but it was so cool to see how our group maintained a positive attitude and was just so ready to get up and go and try another street. We were all laughing and singing and getting to know each other better. It was a great evening. I really do love all my friends here. They are such a blessing to me. I learn so much from being with other people... and its neat to see similar 'lessons' being brought up by God routinely throughout your week.

The other thing about outreach: Every Monday I go to a Somoli community nearby to help teach English to Somoli immigrants. I started this outreach late, so I've only been a handful of times. But every time I've gone, I have been able to work with the same girl. She is a year older than me, and engaged to be married this coming summer. Instantly we clicked. She brought me a beautiful yellow scarf a couple weeks back, and I brought her a journal filled with quotes and scripture! We do her homework for half of the time, and focus on more important things the other half. Like talking about the world, love, family, culture... and God. It is so much fun. One week we ended up talking for ages about prayer. Why we pray, when we pray, what we pray, how we pray. I got to explain to her all about how my relationship with God is similar to her relationship with her finance. How it is focused around love and communication. It was pretty cool. Since then, I can tell walls have gone up a little. But she still comes, and still talks with me. I am praying for her constantly. I love the ministry that has gone into that community. In faith, we believe and we pray.

NEXT WEEK we are OFF! I am so so so looking forward to Thanksgiving Break!! I will be at Alyssa's Grandma's for the weekend. It will be a relaxing time with food games and family. I'm excited for a break.... and to be able to READ again for fun. It will be good.