Two major themes are running through my mind right now. One is unity and complaining and the other is outreach.
Our freshmen class here at BCOM embraced unity right away. We were a family from the get-go. So, of course, this is going to be the thing that gets attacked from the enemy. A running problem around the campus lately has been this negative spirit and a complaining heart. It spreads so quickly. One person brings up a silly rule, and the whole group starts talking bad. It is a hard thing to turn around. Yesterday we had a class - one of our Power Of the Cross classes that we have every Friday - that was on Rebellion, Repentance, and Restitution. We spent a long time in our cell group after talking about rebellion. It doesn't need to look like purposely talking back or being outrightly defiant. It begins in our hearts. When we do things with an unwilling heart, and when we mock the authority placed above us. I really think it's a big problem here, even within my own heart. It is important to go back and think through the reasons we are here. We paid to come to this school. to learn. to grow. to be inspired. to make friends. to meet with God. There are so many reasons that could be listed out. And those things are all happening. It is just easier sometimes to focus on silly rules and structure, and get totally side-tracked. Yesterday in cell group we made a pact to spread joy instead of negativity. We want to try and cut down the complaints in our hearts before they have a chance to affect others. Its a start anyway... (reading back over this it really sounds like this is an awful place where everyone always has a bad attitude. that is so not the case. It is an underlying thing that rears its ugly head once and awhile. We just decided that a transformed heart was the better way.)
On outreach: I am SO looking forward to the outreach event that is happening next week! Every year the school puts on a major outreach n the week before Thanksgiving Break. This year, we are renting out a big hall downtown and serving dinner/putting on a program for hundreds of people, most of whom are homeless. I will be a server - so fun! We have people set up to be table hosts and kitchen duties and performers and a prayer team. I think it is going to be a pretty crazy night. On Thursday we all hit the streets with invitations and invited basically every person we saw, specifically targeting the homeless. Our group got out really late, and ended up getting lost for forever. It was cold too, so there were hardly any people on the streets. We didn't get very far with our invitations, but it was so cool to see how our group maintained a positive attitude and was just so ready to get up and go and try another street. We were all laughing and singing and getting to know each other better. It was a great evening. I really do love all my friends here. They are such a blessing to me. I learn so much from being with other people... and its neat to see similar 'lessons' being brought up by God routinely throughout your week.
The other thing about outreach: Every Monday I go to a Somoli community nearby to help teach English to Somoli immigrants. I started this outreach late, so I've only been a handful of times. But every time I've gone, I have been able to work with the same girl. She is a year older than me, and engaged to be married this coming summer. Instantly we clicked. She brought me a beautiful yellow scarf a couple weeks back, and I brought her a journal filled with quotes and scripture! We do her homework for half of the time, and focus on more important things the other half. Like talking about the world, love, family, culture... and God. It is so much fun. One week we ended up talking for ages about prayer. Why we pray, when we pray, what we pray, how we pray. I got to explain to her all about how my relationship with God is similar to her relationship with her finance. How it is focused around love and communication. It was pretty cool. Since then, I can tell walls have gone up a little. But she still comes, and still talks with me. I am praying for her constantly. I love the ministry that has gone into that community. In faith, we believe and we pray.
NEXT WEEK we are OFF! I am so so so looking forward to Thanksgiving Break!! I will be at Alyssa's Grandma's for the weekend. It will be a relaxing time with food games and family. I'm excited for a break.... and to be able to READ again for fun. It will be good.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
My sister lives in africa.
These past two weeks of school have been focused on God's love for us. The class is technically called Kingdom Lifestyle, but we don't talk about that as much as God's love. The teacher is just amazing. Her name is Nita. She is a 65 year old who rebels against all systems and structure of the world and I love it! She grew up a missionary kid thinking that she needed to fit the mold and follow the rules to be a good christian, but somewhere along the line God grabbed hold of her and wrecked her ideas of religion. She is one of the most spirit-led people I have ever met. Everything in her class revolves around how His spirit is moving in that moment. Routinely she will stop talking to have us be still and recognize that God is thinking about each of us right now. In this moment His mind is filled with good thoughts toward you. It's pretty cool. Our homework in that class is to pray. 7 hours a week. and to read a book on prayer. Then write a paper on what we are learning. It's pretty radical stuff.
On the first day of class she was talking about God's Kingdom as it is intended, and will be one day. While she was talking, for a split second a mental image came to mind of me walking through a meadow holding my cousin's hand, and in the next image, we were dancing together before Jesus. Tears started running down my face. It was so touching to my heart because my cousin has spino-bifida and can't walk without the help of braces. I truly believe that one day she will though, whether that's in Heaven or before is up to God. I'm just excited that I get to be there with her too.
We spent some time in a few of her classes to stop and pray over specific people in the class too, and ask God for words for them. This means praying and waiting for the Holy Spirit to speak to us about another person, and then sharing those verses or words or pictures with that person. It's a beautiful thing. and it's incredible to see how God gives similar pictures to different people that build off of one another and create a bigger picture. He affirms what he wants to say too by saying the same thing to multiple people. This class has been really good for creating a family-like feeling within our freshmen class. There are somewhere around 45 of us, but they all feel like family.
Here are some quotes from class that have stuck me: If you know you are loved deeply, you'll get up a lot faster.Its not hard, its impossible - so lets relax and submit to His grace. Every book of the Bible's purpose is to reveal Jesus - the Holy Spirit can't resist talking about Him. He is thinking about me right now... and they are good thoughts. When I accept myself, then I can forget myself. Our purpose: to know God and serve with Him. Ps. 18:36 - You have made a wide path for my feet to keep me from slipping.[about the church being the bride of Christ - God wants an equal partner. He won't be unequally yoked with His bride. This is why we must suffer, because Jesus did, and we need to grow and be purified.] You cannot just do something because you see a need, we must always act in obedience to His voice. To see people as Jesus does we must see them as they will become. He gets us there alot faster His slow way than we get running on a treadmill. Songs of Songs 1:5 - I am dark, but beautiful: I am sinful but enjoyable to Him. You become what you behold. and those are just from the first few days! It has been a good class!
I've also been really challenged within my prayer life. Praying like you believe it when Jesus said ask and you will receive. Praying in faith, and with perseverance. Meaning 'assume its a yes until its a no'. That's hard! When we dont hear a yes pretty quickly we just assume that it is put of line with God's will. It's also been good learning about how obedience is strongly connected with prayer. We must act when He speaks, and He will act when we speak. It's a relationship! We are told this, but how often do our prayer lives reflect this?
On a complete side: This week I spent a bit of time off campus as well. It always feels good to do that. I borrowed a friend's car twice this week to get out. Went shopping, went to a bonfire, and to a college group games night at my roommates church. Im loving building these relationships. I'm being challenged too in quite a few areas... but maybe I'll save that for another update!
I love you all. Thanks for reading :)
On the first day of class she was talking about God's Kingdom as it is intended, and will be one day. While she was talking, for a split second a mental image came to mind of me walking through a meadow holding my cousin's hand, and in the next image, we were dancing together before Jesus. Tears started running down my face. It was so touching to my heart because my cousin has spino-bifida and can't walk without the help of braces. I truly believe that one day she will though, whether that's in Heaven or before is up to God. I'm just excited that I get to be there with her too.
We spent some time in a few of her classes to stop and pray over specific people in the class too, and ask God for words for them. This means praying and waiting for the Holy Spirit to speak to us about another person, and then sharing those verses or words or pictures with that person. It's a beautiful thing. and it's incredible to see how God gives similar pictures to different people that build off of one another and create a bigger picture. He affirms what he wants to say too by saying the same thing to multiple people. This class has been really good for creating a family-like feeling within our freshmen class. There are somewhere around 45 of us, but they all feel like family.
Here are some quotes from class that have stuck me: If you know you are loved deeply, you'll get up a lot faster.Its not hard, its impossible - so lets relax and submit to His grace. Every book of the Bible's purpose is to reveal Jesus - the Holy Spirit can't resist talking about Him. He is thinking about me right now... and they are good thoughts. When I accept myself, then I can forget myself. Our purpose: to know God and serve with Him. Ps. 18:36 - You have made a wide path for my feet to keep me from slipping.[about the church being the bride of Christ - God wants an equal partner. He won't be unequally yoked with His bride. This is why we must suffer, because Jesus did, and we need to grow and be purified.] You cannot just do something because you see a need, we must always act in obedience to His voice. To see people as Jesus does we must see them as they will become. He gets us there alot faster His slow way than we get running on a treadmill. Songs of Songs 1:5 - I am dark, but beautiful: I am sinful but enjoyable to Him. You become what you behold. and those are just from the first few days! It has been a good class!
I've also been really challenged within my prayer life. Praying like you believe it when Jesus said ask and you will receive. Praying in faith, and with perseverance. Meaning 'assume its a yes until its a no'. That's hard! When we dont hear a yes pretty quickly we just assume that it is put of line with God's will. It's also been good learning about how obedience is strongly connected with prayer. We must act when He speaks, and He will act when we speak. It's a relationship! We are told this, but how often do our prayer lives reflect this?
On a complete side: This week I spent a bit of time off campus as well. It always feels good to do that. I borrowed a friend's car twice this week to get out. Went shopping, went to a bonfire, and to a college group games night at my roommates church. Im loving building these relationships. I'm being challenged too in quite a few areas... but maybe I'll save that for another update!
I love you all. Thanks for reading :)
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
On Love.
Kahlil Gibran on Love
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
To rest.
Today was a great reminder of God's grace.
This week I have been dragging my feet a little. I haven't felt one hundred per cent. I've been tired, and felt worn out. I haven't felt particularly productive or useful either. It's not that I've had a bad week though. It just hasn't been all that, you know?
Last night for homework we had to read through Genesis 1 - 11. The class we are taking right now is just jammed full with information and insight, but I just have not gotten into it. So, I read the first eleven chapters, feeling more confused about God's plan and character than I ever was before, and finally decided that something needed to change. I knew that there was truth and insight that I was missing out on because I just was not on track with what we were learning about. I went to bed praying that God would reveal to me truth about His basic character in Genesis. That I would see HIM and be able to read the stories through that lens.
God is so faithful! He definitely answered that prayer. Today I not only felt unusually awake for class, but I was excited. As class went on today I was again and again blown away by a new understanding of a passage or a new tidbit of God's original plan. It was so good! I love learning about how God used things, like numerical significance, to speak to the people of that day so clearly about something. For example: If you look at the genealogies listed from both Cain and from Seth (Abel), both the third and the seventh born son have something specific written about them (If you count Adam as number 1). And Cain's line was one of Human Effort and of darkness, where are Abel's line was one of God-Fearing and Worship. It's just amazing to see the correlations and connections!
I am just reminded again and again that God speaks our language. Unlike any other religion on the earth, God does not expect us to reach His standards in order to enter His presence. He comes to us, and is gentle in His leading and teaching. He spoke to the people of old in the structure they understood; Jesus spoke in parables to relate his teachings to what was understood; God whispers to my heart things that I am ready to hear for the time and place that I am at.
I am learning so much, and it would be easy to feel overwhelmed. There seems to be no time to sit on one thing or to go deeper with a particular topic, because the pace is so fast. But God's grace allows me to learn what he wants to teach me. And to just rest when I need to slow it down. God is a gentleman, and works with us where we are at.
And right now, I need to rest.
This week I have been dragging my feet a little. I haven't felt one hundred per cent. I've been tired, and felt worn out. I haven't felt particularly productive or useful either. It's not that I've had a bad week though. It just hasn't been all that, you know?
Last night for homework we had to read through Genesis 1 - 11. The class we are taking right now is just jammed full with information and insight, but I just have not gotten into it. So, I read the first eleven chapters, feeling more confused about God's plan and character than I ever was before, and finally decided that something needed to change. I knew that there was truth and insight that I was missing out on because I just was not on track with what we were learning about. I went to bed praying that God would reveal to me truth about His basic character in Genesis. That I would see HIM and be able to read the stories through that lens.
God is so faithful! He definitely answered that prayer. Today I not only felt unusually awake for class, but I was excited. As class went on today I was again and again blown away by a new understanding of a passage or a new tidbit of God's original plan. It was so good! I love learning about how God used things, like numerical significance, to speak to the people of that day so clearly about something. For example: If you look at the genealogies listed from both Cain and from Seth (Abel), both the third and the seventh born son have something specific written about them (If you count Adam as number 1). And Cain's line was one of Human Effort and of darkness, where are Abel's line was one of God-Fearing and Worship. It's just amazing to see the correlations and connections!
I am just reminded again and again that God speaks our language. Unlike any other religion on the earth, God does not expect us to reach His standards in order to enter His presence. He comes to us, and is gentle in His leading and teaching. He spoke to the people of old in the structure they understood; Jesus spoke in parables to relate his teachings to what was understood; God whispers to my heart things that I am ready to hear for the time and place that I am at.
I am learning so much, and it would be easy to feel overwhelmed. There seems to be no time to sit on one thing or to go deeper with a particular topic, because the pace is so fast. But God's grace allows me to learn what he wants to teach me. And to just rest when I need to slow it down. God is a gentleman, and works with us where we are at.
And right now, I need to rest.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Blessings and Beatitudes
I really feel at a loss as to what I want to write about to begin explaining my time here at BCOM (Bethany College of Missions) so far. I have been here a month. One week of orientation and three weeks of class. I know that for a fact because my first class is done already and we start up with our second class already on Monday. It is so strange how easily this transition actually was for me. I find it hard to believe that I was so unsure about coming here all last year! I was back and forth on it constantly. Not that I didn't want to, but more that I wasn't sure if it was God's best for me. Now that Im here though, I don't see how He could have better... This is exactly where I want to be and exactly what I want to be doing. I love being here with God. I think the way my life has been since YWAM I have gotten so used to just sitting and being with God. I had so much time last year to be quiet and to reflect and to listen. I didn't always use that to the fullest potential, but I learned a lot. And those habits have stayed with me. I love going to the prayer room here. Or out on my balcony when it's not too cold. Or walking through the back property. Or climbing up a tree... which I do almost every day! It's cool too because its not like God is saying a whole lot to me right now in my life that I need to get away to listen all the time so I know what's up... No, its more like we are just dating and we are developing the base of our relationship by just hanging out. I just like being with Him. And I'm learning more and more how much He likes to be with me. God's pursuit . That's what I want to know.
Besides that, I am loving being around all new people. I absolutely love hearing people's stories and making new friendships and building memories. Every single day is fun and memorable and uplifting and inspiring and hilarious. The sophomores and faculty have told us that we have a unique group... that there is a unity and a seeking nature within the freshmen class. And it was instant. The first week we were IN. We all came wanting God. Wanting change. Wanting Love. There is a hunger among my friends here and it is great to be apart of that.
To give a little more of the backdrop to what my days look like, I will try to outline a typical day for you... We are on the modular system. Meaning we have one class at a time, kind of. Our class starts at 8:00 everyday and Monday through Wednesday we have chapels in between the two morning classes. After lunch then we have our PT (Practical Training) which is our job here on campus. The campus is really student run which is such a cool way of doing things for so many reasons. For one, it really helps us as students take ownership of this school. It also cuts down on costs... and bonus to us, we get our room and board paid for out of it! Anyway, so that is every afternoon from 1:00 to 5:00. Besides class and chapel and work, we have outreach once a week and a one on one with our mentor. We also have English Composition every Thursday morning. And Fridays are unique completely. We have a separate class called Power Of the Cross in which we tackle real life issues. Like last week was on quiet times and reading the Bible. This week was on the Holy Spirit (SO GOOD! I learned sooo much!). We also have our small group times on Fridays right after that class. So as you can see, it is a fairly busy schedule. Especially when you add in homework and time with God - and time to process! - and socializing of course.
There has already been alot that I feel like I have learned since being here, but more so there are things that I am wrestling with. Things that I am trying to understand and having to really dig into God to figure out how these are meant to work in the world we are living in. It's good. I like to dig. I know there is truth in Him, and that keeps me going. Like I said, I am hungry for more. And I wont be satisfied with the surface level understanding. So to sum it up, I am learning, having a ton of fun, and really getting messed up (in a good way!).
I encourage and gladly accept your prayers for me in this time. I love having friends and family that I can count on for such a strong support system. Thank you for being there for me and encouraging me in my dreams! I love you all.
Besides that, I am loving being around all new people. I absolutely love hearing people's stories and making new friendships and building memories. Every single day is fun and memorable and uplifting and inspiring and hilarious. The sophomores and faculty have told us that we have a unique group... that there is a unity and a seeking nature within the freshmen class. And it was instant. The first week we were IN. We all came wanting God. Wanting change. Wanting Love. There is a hunger among my friends here and it is great to be apart of that.
To give a little more of the backdrop to what my days look like, I will try to outline a typical day for you... We are on the modular system. Meaning we have one class at a time, kind of. Our class starts at 8:00 everyday and Monday through Wednesday we have chapels in between the two morning classes. After lunch then we have our PT (Practical Training) which is our job here on campus. The campus is really student run which is such a cool way of doing things for so many reasons. For one, it really helps us as students take ownership of this school. It also cuts down on costs... and bonus to us, we get our room and board paid for out of it! Anyway, so that is every afternoon from 1:00 to 5:00. Besides class and chapel and work, we have outreach once a week and a one on one with our mentor. We also have English Composition every Thursday morning. And Fridays are unique completely. We have a separate class called Power Of the Cross in which we tackle real life issues. Like last week was on quiet times and reading the Bible. This week was on the Holy Spirit (SO GOOD! I learned sooo much!). We also have our small group times on Fridays right after that class. So as you can see, it is a fairly busy schedule. Especially when you add in homework and time with God - and time to process! - and socializing of course.
There has already been alot that I feel like I have learned since being here, but more so there are things that I am wrestling with. Things that I am trying to understand and having to really dig into God to figure out how these are meant to work in the world we are living in. It's good. I like to dig. I know there is truth in Him, and that keeps me going. Like I said, I am hungry for more. And I wont be satisfied with the surface level understanding. So to sum it up, I am learning, having a ton of fun, and really getting messed up (in a good way!).
I encourage and gladly accept your prayers for me in this time. I love having friends and family that I can count on for such a strong support system. Thank you for being there for me and encouraging me in my dreams! I love you all.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Turn the Table
I know I'm always saying this... but tomorrow really is the start of something new in my life. again.
I'm following what I felt God telling me to do over this past bit, and Im going back to school. Im actually really excited about this school. I found it quite randomly online almost exactly a year ago now while I was in California. Being in Cali for the summer confirmed my desire to return to school, and a couple of times God really seemed to validate that desire with messages of His own. When I finally started looking into it I almost instantly found the 'Intercultural Program' that I am now enrolled in. Of course, this program is offered at basically any Bible College these days, but I just wasn't impressed with the places I was looking at. I googled the program to see what else was out there. Bethany College of Missions was one of the first schools to pop up. As I scrolled through the course description and the statements of belief and all that jazz it just felt right. A few things on the website even brought chills to me as I read through... as if God had specifically planted those things as 'signs'. I logged off soon after, but bookmarked the page for future reference... thinking that I really couldn't have found an answer so fast and I would need to spend some serious time researching praying and thinking once I got back home.
Little did I know how much of an impact that one brief look at this school's webpage would change my future! I basically gave up thinking about any other school or program. I was set on this one. I began now praying about school at all. Was that really where God wanted me? Or would it end up being more of a waste of time and money?? I went back and forth over this for SO long. Even after I applied actually, I was still unsure about me even going to school. I was at the place where I was completely and totally willing to go to school or to be rejected and just go abroad as is trusting God to open another door (whether that meant going to school overseas or applying to work at a missions agency or something completely different). But, I got in. And I haven't looked back since. I am SO SO SO excited to just learn. I was always a bit of a nerd in school... I love reading and learning and soaking in information. Even if I do usually forget it directly after! I definitely feel like I am in a place to be back in the school environment. Im looking forward to living in a dorm. Im excited to build relationships with the other students and with teachers. and Im excited to be taking a bite of something a little bigger this time. to actually commit to something longer than just a year. (although, if I didn't like it at BCOM I don't technically have to go back next year!). As excited as I am, there are a few things that I can't help feeling nervous about. Like living in America again! It's been awhile since Ive lived here and both my views and America itself HAS changed. I really have no idea about American politics these days. Not from within the States that is. And Ive forgotten just how badly the recession has affected America. More so than Canada that is for sure. And Im not really sure to be honest if the school Ive signed up for is going to have views I agree with in everything. I guess Im nervous too that if a professor is teaching something as fact, but from one point of view, that I will have no knowledge to even question it. I am really hoping and praying for a balanced education, and a look from differing perspectives. So that I can go to God and figure out truth from the source.. not just believing something because I don't know better. I really want to stay in an intimate relationship with God this entire time. I dont want it ever to become about the grades or the assignments more than its about Him. And I do not want to get into arguments, whether its politics or theology, unless its done in a constructive way. (And still, I'd probably just end up listening instead of arguing!). I know that I don't have all the answers. And I don't care to ever get to that point. I simply want to KNOW God more. and to deepen my love for Him and my HUNGER for Him. And then be able to give out of that overflow.
The desire is still the same. Its what I want regardless of where I am or what Im doing. Yes, so many things come and go in life... and there are so many things that make me sad, and that make me happy. I could honestly probably be okay doing just about anything. But I choose to pursue God relentlessly. Wherever I feel led. And tomorrow that is taking me to Bloomington, MN. To be a college girl.
O boy.
I'm following what I felt God telling me to do over this past bit, and Im going back to school. Im actually really excited about this school. I found it quite randomly online almost exactly a year ago now while I was in California. Being in Cali for the summer confirmed my desire to return to school, and a couple of times God really seemed to validate that desire with messages of His own. When I finally started looking into it I almost instantly found the 'Intercultural Program' that I am now enrolled in. Of course, this program is offered at basically any Bible College these days, but I just wasn't impressed with the places I was looking at. I googled the program to see what else was out there. Bethany College of Missions was one of the first schools to pop up. As I scrolled through the course description and the statements of belief and all that jazz it just felt right. A few things on the website even brought chills to me as I read through... as if God had specifically planted those things as 'signs'. I logged off soon after, but bookmarked the page for future reference... thinking that I really couldn't have found an answer so fast and I would need to spend some serious time researching praying and thinking once I got back home.
Little did I know how much of an impact that one brief look at this school's webpage would change my future! I basically gave up thinking about any other school or program. I was set on this one. I began now praying about school at all. Was that really where God wanted me? Or would it end up being more of a waste of time and money?? I went back and forth over this for SO long. Even after I applied actually, I was still unsure about me even going to school. I was at the place where I was completely and totally willing to go to school or to be rejected and just go abroad as is trusting God to open another door (whether that meant going to school overseas or applying to work at a missions agency or something completely different). But, I got in. And I haven't looked back since. I am SO SO SO excited to just learn. I was always a bit of a nerd in school... I love reading and learning and soaking in information. Even if I do usually forget it directly after! I definitely feel like I am in a place to be back in the school environment. Im looking forward to living in a dorm. Im excited to build relationships with the other students and with teachers. and Im excited to be taking a bite of something a little bigger this time. to actually commit to something longer than just a year. (although, if I didn't like it at BCOM I don't technically have to go back next year!). As excited as I am, there are a few things that I can't help feeling nervous about. Like living in America again! It's been awhile since Ive lived here and both my views and America itself HAS changed. I really have no idea about American politics these days. Not from within the States that is. And Ive forgotten just how badly the recession has affected America. More so than Canada that is for sure. And Im not really sure to be honest if the school Ive signed up for is going to have views I agree with in everything. I guess Im nervous too that if a professor is teaching something as fact, but from one point of view, that I will have no knowledge to even question it. I am really hoping and praying for a balanced education, and a look from differing perspectives. So that I can go to God and figure out truth from the source.. not just believing something because I don't know better. I really want to stay in an intimate relationship with God this entire time. I dont want it ever to become about the grades or the assignments more than its about Him. And I do not want to get into arguments, whether its politics or theology, unless its done in a constructive way. (And still, I'd probably just end up listening instead of arguing!). I know that I don't have all the answers. And I don't care to ever get to that point. I simply want to KNOW God more. and to deepen my love for Him and my HUNGER for Him. And then be able to give out of that overflow.
The desire is still the same. Its what I want regardless of where I am or what Im doing. Yes, so many things come and go in life... and there are so many things that make me sad, and that make me happy. I could honestly probably be okay doing just about anything. But I choose to pursue God relentlessly. Wherever I feel led. And tomorrow that is taking me to Bloomington, MN. To be a college girl.
O boy.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
the start of another.
It is so strange being in a quiet house tonight. For a month now I have been on the run. Staying in a different house every 2 - 5 nights pretty much. It has been such a fun adventure! and it is not even done yet. Im hoping though that this week in Oregon will be a reflective one. I havent processed a single thing this summer... I rushed straight from my job to London and on to India without a breath. I have a feeling that Im going to get to school in a few weeks and everyone will think Im crazy!!
Looking back though, it is so cool to see how faithful God has been over the last month. All the things I was worried about were completely taken care of. Once again, the word grace meant so much to me while I was in India. There were so many times I would just be sitting and be overcome with gratefulness of just being there.. fulfilling a dream. Now Im not exactly sure the future reasons behind India for me. I have no clue even as to what this country will actually mean to me. But for now I now that I have deep rooted friends in this foreign country, and it has become a home base of sorts for me. I know I could go back now, at any time, and have people to stay with and work to do. My time back was to establish that I think. I was often amazed at how comforable I felt back in the Indian culture. I was reminded of how I actually enjoy the challenges. I love the fighting culture. I like the food. I enjoy the chaos. It was so much fun to live in that again. and to be able to show it off to my friends. AND see them experience it all for the first time. In no time at all, we were all crossing roads Indian style with ease. And eating with our hands. and even speaking Hindi a little.
I am so thankful for the group of people that decided to trust both God and me, amd join me on this adventure.
Our time of debriefing was short.. we were all eager to get in as much last minute as we could. But the sense around the table was of thankfulness and love. That last day was super hard to leave and say goodbyes to the kids. Some real connections were built... and I could see some people possibly coming back again in the future. I just told everyone there to pray me back, because I want to come. But God must provide the means and the time!!
So, the answer is yes. I would do this again. And again and again. as tiring as it was... I loved being able to introduce people to needs, to children, to Gods work... and watch it all unfold. In fact, I would even go as far as to say that it might have been intentional that I was sick and tired during this trip so that looking back I know that there is no way I can take any credit. It could not have been done on my strength. But in my weakness God was strong... and He carried this group. And I believe He has mighty work in store because of this experience.
As always.. the journey has just begun!
Looking back though, it is so cool to see how faithful God has been over the last month. All the things I was worried about were completely taken care of. Once again, the word grace meant so much to me while I was in India. There were so many times I would just be sitting and be overcome with gratefulness of just being there.. fulfilling a dream. Now Im not exactly sure the future reasons behind India for me. I have no clue even as to what this country will actually mean to me. But for now I now that I have deep rooted friends in this foreign country, and it has become a home base of sorts for me. I know I could go back now, at any time, and have people to stay with and work to do. My time back was to establish that I think. I was often amazed at how comforable I felt back in the Indian culture. I was reminded of how I actually enjoy the challenges. I love the fighting culture. I like the food. I enjoy the chaos. It was so much fun to live in that again. and to be able to show it off to my friends. AND see them experience it all for the first time. In no time at all, we were all crossing roads Indian style with ease. And eating with our hands. and even speaking Hindi a little.
I am so thankful for the group of people that decided to trust both God and me, amd join me on this adventure.
Our time of debriefing was short.. we were all eager to get in as much last minute as we could. But the sense around the table was of thankfulness and love. That last day was super hard to leave and say goodbyes to the kids. Some real connections were built... and I could see some people possibly coming back again in the future. I just told everyone there to pray me back, because I want to come. But God must provide the means and the time!!
So, the answer is yes. I would do this again. And again and again. as tiring as it was... I loved being able to introduce people to needs, to children, to Gods work... and watch it all unfold. In fact, I would even go as far as to say that it might have been intentional that I was sick and tired during this trip so that looking back I know that there is no way I can take any credit. It could not have been done on my strength. But in my weakness God was strong... and He carried this group. And I believe He has mighty work in store because of this experience.
As always.. the journey has just begun!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)