may we be one.

Today, while cleaning my boss' basement and listening to a sermon on my laptop, I realized something. Well, maybe a few things. Without the cross; without the death of my own agenda and perceived needs on a daily basis, all this that I am so keen on means nothing. The Bible defines love as laying down one's life for a friend (1 john somewhere). In our death, we reflect Jesus' life (2 Cor 4 something). If my entire day is not lived through that lens, then who am I living for? Myself. My needs are still in high demand. My desires are not easily 'self-controlled'. I still do what I want, when I want for the majority of my day, and I thank people when they tell me they respect the way I walk to my own beat.

I also realized that everything does come in seasons, and that really is okay. Especially when looking at the church. A while ago now I had the revelation that the church on earth is not going to be perfect, so we might as well be content where we are planted and love like none other as we learn. When Jesus returns, He is returning for His Bride - that being the church - and the Bible tells us that He is coming back for a spotless Bride. A perfect church. Until that time, we are in the process of being renewed. Still, I find myself wanting and praying for us as a body to just get it. To pray more, to minister more, to love more, to serve, to give, to disciple, to teach, to do and be all the things we see in the New Testament church! Finally, today it clicked. We will have seasons in our churches where ministry is the big push. There will be seasons of corporate prayer, and seasons of deep theological teaching. The key is to die to ourselves when we want something else and to let those gifted in that specific area, shine. Let the Spirit do His work in and through us. What a concept!

I am really learning to love this way of being the church...

That's twice.

Thank you God for these moments.

I am humbled by Your love and care.

Thank you for just being near.

You know that deep down I am scared,

I'm still a little girl, with no where else to turn.

I trust in your sovereignty and your wisdom;

I know you have my best in mind.

[help my unbelief, and

show me which way to turn]

This journey home

Wow Wow Wow! God, you are so good. I am left in awe by the works of your hands. Everywhere I look I see evidence of you moving and shaking things up. I am blessed to be surrounded by so many who hunger for all that you have and all that you are. God, we want to know you and we want to see this world through your eyes! Without you, it means nothing. I WANT my life to mean nothing without you. Stir up this fire in my bones Lord, not for me, but for Your glory. I only want to do what you want of me. I know it starts in the small things, and I ask for your help as I strive to listen.

Jess and I returned home today after a week and a half on the road. We hit up 11 states total, with 5 new ones added to the list. We had some great conversation along the way, and spent a good deal of time just praising God for the works He has done and praying for these upcoming months. It is so cool to see Jess' heart where it is now. In fact, every place we stopped in held stories of God radically grabbing hold of people's lives, turning hearts to Him with urgency. It was incredible to be able to see this happening on such a wide-spread scale! Over and over the testimony was hunger and Glory to God. His church is crying out for more.

As we neared home, I started feeling apprehension fill me. I was worried that it wasn't going to be the same at home, or that I wouldn't be the same person as I feel that I have become. God's peace is pretty cool though, and those thoughts left pretty fast. When we arrived home, I was blown away by the things God has been doing since I have been at school. His Spirit is so rich here! I love this house church group, and am so excited to be apart of it! Something is radically different here, and I feel challenged already. I want to learn more, and grow more and pray more and love more. One of the best things about God.... is that He has NO limit. There is no cap to the things He is or the things He will do.

And He chose to love us.

Wow Wow Wow.

Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say...

It is well, it is well, it is well with my soul.

Saturday morning, I was blindfolded and put in a car with three of my friends from school and driven to an unknown location about two hours away from school. It was early, and I was so tired but really excited for the day to come as well. The sophomore class above us has hyped up this experience so much that we all knew slightly

what was going to happen, or so we thought.

We were led into a field, blindfolded still, and told to start singing "It is well" two times over. Once we stopped singing, we looked around us in awe. We were literally in the middle of nowhere. We managed to find our way through the farms and backroads to a small town. From there we got on a Highway and walked from town to town, sharing stories with those we encountered and offering prayer to anyone willing. We had a lot of time on our hands to talk with God. We did have a few miraculous things happen for our group. Like never going the wrong direction once - every time we were at a crossroads, we would pray and ask God to give us a general consensus. He did. We also were blessed with a delicious meal right around lunch time. A woman had driven by us on the highway, and told herself that if we were still there when she went home, she would stop and see if she could help. We were still walking of course, and she pulled alongside and straightaway asked if we were hungry. You have no idea how much joy we had in that moment! We made our way to her cafe while she picked up some food, and we ended up eating and talking with her for a couple hours. We were able to pray for her, and I think she was just happy to be heard and seen. That food and kindness held us over all day. Also, at about the same time we decided we were done and at our wits end for the day, we found a church with an open door. We had a safe, warm place to wait for our pickup just in time to miss the massive thunderstorm.

The best part of it all though, was just to be aware of God's presence the entire time. He was walking with us, and encouraging us the whole time. There were multiple times that I heard His voice specifically -

a couple times we acted on those things and He was so faithful to move as we obeyed. Other things were just whispers to my heart, but they were things I needed to hear. Our group was given a supernatural ability to worship and pray during our walking. Out of the 25 miles covered, I think close to 20 of those were spent in prayer and reading the Bible outloud. We prayed over all the other teams often, and started praying for each individual student in the freshman class. We prayed for each person we met along the road, and prayed over the towns and the churches. It was not by our strength either. If it was, I would have been silent a lot more of the time. Whenever we started zoning out, or focusing on our weary bodies or frustration of lack of rides, that is when we just started to sing or pray. God was there with us, and was the only thing that kept us in such high spirits. My team too was such an encouragement.

I think going into this I was expecting that it was about miracles. I know that it doesn't depend on our faith necessarily, but on what God is doing. It is about us listening and walking into what He is already at work on. I think we were all just expecting, well, an easier ride. What we got to experience was far better. We got to walk like Jesus walked. Like the apostles walked. Like Paul walked on his missionary journeys. Like countless believers have walked in the past to spread the Good News about the love of Jesus and like countless of people today walk, just to meet their daily needs. It was a joy to join in that procession. I didn't do this because I needed anything, or because I wanted to give God an opportunity to do something crazy. He doesn't need me for that. The cross we were carrying represents Perfect Love. We are commanded by God to love Him and to love others, but how can we if we don't understand what love is? Carrying a cross, and spending a day walking with Him will help with that.

We were able to hear people's stories, and share with them our journey. We were able to pray and bless people in Jesus' Name. We were able to grow closer together as friends and experience God's closeness and faithfulness. We may never know what - if any - outcome our walking through those little towns will affect. As radical as this experience seemed to be, I don't think we left very many people shaking their heads at us 'crazy Christians' even if people didn't understand. I think we were able to speak in love and in truth and it was all done in the shadow of the cross. The symbol of Perfect Love. At the end of the road, I can truly say that it was an honor to be deemed worthy to carry such a burden in the name of someone far greater than I can even comprehend. For it is by grace that we have been saved, not through works. It is by His suffering that we are able to share in His glory, because of His perfect and holy love.

Follow the Leader

Tomorrow we are embarking on quite the adventure. Its called a crosswalk.

Basically the freshmen class has been split into groups of four. We will be driven to different locations and dropped off in the middle of nowhere with a big cross. We aren't supposed to bring anything with us besides a bible and journal and camera, and the clothes on our backs. We aren't supposed to ask any questions and are supposed to share the good news of Jesus' love to anyone who approaches us. If we don't find a place to stay on Saturday night we will get provided transportation back to the school. Otherwise, the goal is to make it back to the school Sunday evening.

At first, I really had the wrong perspective of this. I was thinking that it seemed a whole lot like testing God to see if He shows up. I didn't want to put myself in a situation just for fun to see if God feels like providing for us. After talking it over with some of my friends, and talking about it in class with our teacher, I am a lot more excited about this! Our teacher made the comment that if we make it a game, that's exactly what it will be for us. If we go into this with the expectation that God is going to show up and teach us something and reveal more of His character to us, then He will. The purpose is not for us, but for His glory. We are acting out exactly what Jesus told the disciples when he sent them out to do ministry. He told them to take nothing with them, but to trust in the Lord's provision. He told them to pick up their crosses daily and follow Him. This is a chance to take His word literally. To trust Him for His provision, and to trust Him by His provision. To follow His voice and speak with boldness into the lives of those we meet along the way. I know we will have to wrestle through discouragement and embarrassment. It will be a difficult experience. This week in class we have been learning about the works of the Holy Spirit. I think it has been the most well-rounded teaching on this subject that I have ever heard. I really really liked it. I actually feel like my heart has been awakened in a new way this week - it's been pretty cool! I have had such an incredible desire to be in prayer all week. I don't know if I have ever loved praying so much as I have this week! One of the things our teacher said that stuck in my head was that we need to put ourselves in a situation where if God doesn't show up, we are in big trouble. That's what the disciples did. Sometimes they even failed, but I think I would rather fail and be caught by God than live a simple life not expecting much. We are meant to be ushering in the Kingdom of God. This requires action and faith. This weekend will be a pretty good expression of that I think.

Please pray for us. It still makes me nervous, but I want to be challenged. I want to trust that God is good and big and full of love for people I have never even met before. I want to walk that out tomorrow. At the very least I will be experiencing what it would look like to be unable to hide the workings of Jesus in my life. Carrying a giant cross on the side of the road doesn't exactly scream out mediocrity or relativity. I think I need a little of this in my life.

Love deeply. Act now.

My heart is so full. and so is my head. with completely different things.

I had to leave class this morning, I just couldn't fit one more thing inside me. I found a spot on the floor in the school that I'm pretty sure never even gets walked on, and laid down. I don't think I fell asleep, but I found rest.

For months now my daily prayer has been me crying out to God asking Him to teach me to love with His love. The first commandment is to love God, but Jesus tells us in John that we show our love by obeying His commands, and His second command is to love others. I don't want to just love the people I get along with when I feel like it though. I don't want to just get along with people. I want to learn to sacrificially love, with a deep deep concern for that person's life. It's impossible if it's not through Christ. So in asking to love others better, Im learning to love Him better.

This past weekend I went down to Kansas City for an admissions/promotion event. After the event, Katie and I found our way to ihop (international house of prayer). We sat in the prayer room for hours, then joined the evening service. The message spoke directly to my heart. It was on the church in the last days - something that can be found throughout the New Testament. Peter spoke of it in his books and said that with the end approaching, we need to be of clear mind so that we can pray. We also need to love eachother deeply, and extend hospitality to others selflessly. Hospitality meaning sacrificing your time and resources and to share your life with someone you don't know very well, if at all. And to do it with the mindset that you could be entertaining an angel. Peter also said that we need to be knowledgeable about the gifts of the Spirit in our lives so that we can serve one another as a church. As we serve each other, we glorify Him.

Our class this week just happens to be on the first 6 chapters of Acts. We are literally going through verse by verse, and expected to memorize it all. Man, I would love to live in a community as crazy and vibrant as Acts describes. The most evident factor of those who were filled with the Holy Spirit was boldness. The believers were bold in their expressions of love and truth. It was powerful stuff.

All that, plus this week is Preview week. That just happens to be one of the two college visit events that we put on every year that I happen to be partially responsible for pulling off. There is so much to be done before they all come tomorrow, but as I sat here praying, I was reminded of God's grandeur. His majesty. His glory. and he is good all the time. Just reading Jessica's blog helps put that into perspective. Those kids are little miracles.

Uganda.

Bus ride to Bugembi.
Miracle Center Church with lots of singing and dancing.
Visit to Baby Jessica and mom. Making Chapatis.
Visit to old orphanage - seeing the kids and meeting the man.

(He was cordial, and let us come approach the kids. The wife and baby were back. there were new volunteers. It was like nothing had ever happened. These kids were shy, but they loved Jess and Derek. We danced and took pictures. It was obvious that these kids were worse off out here in the village than the city-kid orphans. I didn't really understand a lot of what I saw, but I loved playing with these kids. Pauline (Baby Jessica's mom) still helps out, even though they still have not been paid anything that was promised to them. There is little change to be seen. Then we left)

Visit to the slum/village and met Maria and Sarah. They are college students my age with big dreams. They even baked me a cake.

and that was my first day...

Monday: Morning with the kids and afternoon in town. We went swimming in the source of the nile. I met one of Jess' street kid friends.
Tuesday: Day in Kampala. We took the bus into town with 25 of Jessica's friend's "aunties" and went to visit his great-grandma. She is some sort of Muslim religious figure so we went to pay her respect. She is 118 years old and still served us a meal! It was an honor to be in her home.
Wednesday: Day with the kids in the orphanage. Volunteer night with goooood food and a game of Biblical Apples to Apples.
Thursday: Morning of errands in Jinja. Afternoon at Bugegali Falls - the Nile River. We went on a boat ride and went swimming in the Nile! After the others left, Jess and I made some friends and went on a hike along the river through forests, farmland, and villages. We ended up fishing, and watching kayakers, and jumping from trees into the water.
Friday: Safari day! An 8 hour journey turned into 13 with multiple battery problems. Once we got to the park, we did a drive through and saw our first lion! at night we slept in tents and were surrounded by lions warthogs and hippos in the middle of the night! I didn't sleep much...
Saturday: Our second safari drive. It was so beautiful! What an amazing opportunity to be reminded of God's beauty and creativity. Around noon we started the long drive back home. Good conversation and new friends were the result of this drive.
Sunday: Morning with the kids and a hard goodbye.

It was a packed week. I met so many incredible people and got to see a lot in a very short time. I feel so blessed to have been able to experience this. Jess Kayla Derek and Pippin were such an encouragement to me. It was neat too to see how much I have changed and grown and have my lessons become applicable in another cultural context.

I realized too that as much as I have been trained to think this way, ministry does not all look alike. God wants obedience from us. If that means entering into the world of business, it is still full time ministry. Whether its working with the poor or the rich, it is still ministry if you are acting in obedience. My desire to travel isn't necessarily a selfish desire just to see the world and avoid responsibility. I don't just want to travel. I want to encourage people in their dreams and passions. I want to pour life into other people, and I want to teach and disciple. If this comes in the forms of visiting people in different countries, or taking groups of people to experience different cultures themselves, then I want to walk into that boldly. Over and over I have repeated to God: I just want to do what you want me to do! My deepest desire is just to serve Him.

I returned to school with so much joy. God's grace enabled me to look back on Uganda and feel fulfilled. Even with only a week, it did not seem too short. I have entered into a new class now, which happens to be the best one yet. I am back with my temporary family, and I love them more than I did even weeks ago.

Even now I sit in a room surrounded by Samantha, Austin Malaina and Joe - quietly reading our assignments that are due on Monday. I can't wait to see the direction He takes us each on...

Inkwendieno. Love love love.