On Faith

Step onto the path and let the scenery unfold.

So, I tend to be a person that claims quotes for myself. I think I subconsciously store things away that I hear for later use, or something. I guess I like to think I am original. (Don't we all!?) I sometimes get caught with it, and sometimes I catch myself doing it. I also like to make up answers for people's questions just so they get answered - but don't worry - I usually tell the person that I just made that answer up! All that to say, as far as I am aware, the above stated quote is my own. In the very least, it holds personal meaning to me.

I have always thought of faith through pictures. I see it in my mind like walking from stone to stone in a river, not knowing really what is ahead, let alone on the other bank. Or like walking into a shaded forrest where you cannot see past the outer trees. You don't know what lies before you but you trust the one who tells you to walk. You know that there will be beauty regardless. It's the promise we can hold on to.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

This means a lot to me right now here at school. Just yesterday I had to say goodbye to three dear friends here at Bethany. It's been an emotional couple of days. You can sense the drain it has caused on the student body. It is hard to see friends leave, even when you know God has great things in store for these people. Through all the heaviness I have heard great words of encouragement and wisdom though. Mostly, it is amazing to see the faith that people have. So many students here are struggling for finances. Already we have lost 15 classmates just from our freshmen class and a number of those have been due to finances. It can be a hard pill to swallow. I know that God provides, and I have seen it done here time and time again. It's still hard. But to see the perseverance is encouraging. To see the hope. and to see the genuine love shared between those here. Community is not something that can be forced, but comes naturally out of the seeking and hungry heart.

One story in particular I think does a good job at explaining my thoughts about my statement on faith. One of our new students - Kelley - came here a couple weeks back with nothing. He came completely in faith that something would come up if he was meant to stay. I had an opportunity to get to know him a bit, and got to talk with him the night he was leaving campus. I was so encouraged by his attitude. His faith was not based on money, or school or even provision. His faith was based upon the knowledge that Jesus was with him and leading him on his great adventure of a life. He knows that all he is called to is obedience and that his own actions will add nothing to the beauty of his environment. The only beauty he knows is to follow the Lord, and he was excited to leave knowing that he gets to be with God no matter where he ends up. I really don't think this is a foolish way to live at all. Some might call it irresponsible to not have a plan or a fallback. I call it faith.

We are called to step out. To take the initial steps, and to even head into unknown territory. We are promised though that we do not walk alone. He will come alongside us to guide us and keep our feet steady... and to turn our eyes to His goodness.

Faith. Believing in what we cannot see. Hoping for what we cannot understand.

Even the smallest amount of this is enough to rearrange nature. How can we not stand up and boldly ask of the Lord to take us into new and exciting places!? We have nothing to lose by asking. God, increase our faith!

Dear Why:

A quote from my good friend Floyd:

"If you have apostolic passion, you are one of the most dangerous people on the planet. The world no longer rules your heart. You are n longer seduced by getting and gaining but devoted to spreading and proclaiming the glory of God in the nations. You live as a pilgrim, unattached to the cares of this world. You are not afraid of loss. You even dare to believe that you may be given the privilege of dying to spread His fame on the earth. The Father's passions have become your passions. You find your satisfaction and significance in Him. You believe that He is with you always, to the end of life itself. You are sold out to God, and you live for the Lamb. Satan fears you, and the angels applaud you..You have apostolic passion!" - Floyd McClung


Hm. I think this may be what my generation is searching for. But, in the way of Chris McCandleless, we have tried to abandon society in an attempt to find worth and happiness. The answer isn't in refusing to be like 'the rest of society'. The answer is in becoming so like Christ and entering into the societies of this world as a pilgrim.

Hm.

the King's Banquet

Last Monday, before Thanksgiving break, our school took part in a pretty major outreach in Minneapolis dubbed 'the King's Banquet' (Luke 14:12-24). We were all given roles for the evening. I was initially placed as a server, but switched to a table host the day of. Below is my testimony that I sent in to the group that put this on. I didn't have time to rewrite something for this blog, but I wanted to let you all in to my experience with this outreach. (I loved it, if that's no surprise!)


I sat in the far back corner, upstairs, waiting for my guests to arrive. From my vantage point, I had a pretty good view of the wall and the tables immediately to my left and thats about it. First to the table came Rich. Richard is a law student in his 50's that has been unemployed, and taking advantage of the food services offered at Dorothy Day since 2008. He is a devout Catholic who just seemed a little lonely. I enjoyed talking with him about legal studies and Ireland. Next to the table came Ron. Ron is pretty far on the other side of the spectrum from Rich. He is addicted to booze and has the goal to enter a wet-house and continue his lifestyle. Another host came to join our table so the ratio became one on one. As conversation continued, it became clear that these men had little in common. It was difficult to engage both of them at once, but once the talking started we let them listen to the message as we prayed silently over them. I could see instantly how both of these men seemed to shut down when the talking started. Ron put on his jacket and seemed to be looking for a time to exit. When he stood up to leave, I asked him if I could pray for him before he left. This led him away from the table so that Rich could have the full attention of the other host. After I prayed for Ron he suddenly told me this story of how some lady had prayed over his leg randomly on the street a few weeks back and he had been healed. He didn't seem to know why it happened, or why he was telling me really. His story launched us into a lengthy conversation about God's love for him. He wasn't ready to make any commitments to God, and still tried to make up excuses throughout the conversation. At the end, he did give me his kid's phone numbers and asked if I would contact them on his behalf and let them know that he is alive and doing alright. After Ron left, I went back to our table and sat down with the other two. We finished off our conversation and prayed for Rich, and the two guys exchanged contact information to keep in touch. We walked Rich down to the door, and with a hug, said goodbye. The other host and I shared stories from our separate conversations once they were gone. He had gone out with Ron before the event actually started and grabbed a hot drink. He told me that during their conversation, Ron was completely closed to talking about God in any way. He strongly felt like he should ask for Ron's kids contact information, but was reluctant in asking. God was so faithful in bringing that back up so that we would be sure it was from him. I really do believe, based on the conversation that Ron had prior to the event compared to the one we shared, that God is was really moving in his heart on this night. There was a real break-through by God's Spirit. I have yet to get in touch with both his children, but I pray for them often. I think God wants to reconcile this family back together. He is calling Ron to himself so strongly, and I know that he feels it! Prayer covering is needed for Ron and for his kids, Megan and Ryan, as well as over our future conversations!

Out there.

Two major themes are running through my mind right now. One is unity and complaining and the other is outreach.

Our freshmen class here at BCOM embraced unity right away. We were a family from the get-go. So, of course, this is going to be the thing that gets attacked from the enemy. A running problem around the campus lately has been this negative spirit and a complaining heart. It spreads so quickly. One person brings up a silly rule, and the whole group starts talking bad. It is a hard thing to turn around. Yesterday we had a class - one of our Power Of the Cross classes that we have every Friday - that was on Rebellion, Repentance, and Restitution. We spent a long time in our cell group after talking about rebellion. It doesn't need to look like purposely talking back or being outrightly defiant. It begins in our hearts. When we do things with an unwilling heart, and when we mock the authority placed above us. I really think it's a big problem here, even within my own heart. It is important to go back and think through the reasons we are here. We paid to come to this school. to learn. to grow. to be inspired. to make friends. to meet with God. There are so many reasons that could be listed out. And those things are all happening. It is just easier sometimes to focus on silly rules and structure, and get totally side-tracked. Yesterday in cell group we made a pact to spread joy instead of negativity. We want to try and cut down the complaints in our hearts before they have a chance to affect others. Its a start anyway... (reading back over this it really sounds like this is an awful place where everyone always has a bad attitude. that is so not the case. It is an underlying thing that rears its ugly head once and awhile. We just decided that a transformed heart was the better way.)

On outreach: I am SO looking forward to the outreach event that is happening next week! Every year the school puts on a major outreach n the week before Thanksgiving Break. This year, we are renting out a big hall downtown and serving dinner/putting on a program for hundreds of people, most of whom are homeless. I will be a server - so fun! We have people set up to be table hosts and kitchen duties and performers and a prayer team. I think it is going to be a pretty crazy night. On Thursday we all hit the streets with invitations and invited basically every person we saw, specifically targeting the homeless. Our group got out really late, and ended up getting lost for forever. It was cold too, so there were hardly any people on the streets. We didn't get very far with our invitations, but it was so cool to see how our group maintained a positive attitude and was just so ready to get up and go and try another street. We were all laughing and singing and getting to know each other better. It was a great evening. I really do love all my friends here. They are such a blessing to me. I learn so much from being with other people... and its neat to see similar 'lessons' being brought up by God routinely throughout your week.

The other thing about outreach: Every Monday I go to a Somoli community nearby to help teach English to Somoli immigrants. I started this outreach late, so I've only been a handful of times. But every time I've gone, I have been able to work with the same girl. She is a year older than me, and engaged to be married this coming summer. Instantly we clicked. She brought me a beautiful yellow scarf a couple weeks back, and I brought her a journal filled with quotes and scripture! We do her homework for half of the time, and focus on more important things the other half. Like talking about the world, love, family, culture... and God. It is so much fun. One week we ended up talking for ages about prayer. Why we pray, when we pray, what we pray, how we pray. I got to explain to her all about how my relationship with God is similar to her relationship with her finance. How it is focused around love and communication. It was pretty cool. Since then, I can tell walls have gone up a little. But she still comes, and still talks with me. I am praying for her constantly. I love the ministry that has gone into that community. In faith, we believe and we pray.

NEXT WEEK we are OFF! I am so so so looking forward to Thanksgiving Break!! I will be at Alyssa's Grandma's for the weekend. It will be a relaxing time with food games and family. I'm excited for a break.... and to be able to READ again for fun. It will be good.

My sister lives in africa.

These past two weeks of school have been focused on God's love for us. The class is technically called Kingdom Lifestyle, but we don't talk about that as much as God's love. The teacher is just amazing. Her name is Nita. She is a 65 year old who rebels against all systems and structure of the world and I love it! She grew up a missionary kid thinking that she needed to fit the mold and follow the rules to be a good christian, but somewhere along the line God grabbed hold of her and wrecked her ideas of religion. She is one of the most spirit-led people I have ever met. Everything in her class revolves around how His spirit is moving in that moment. Routinely she will stop talking to have us be still and recognize that God is thinking about each of us right now. In this moment His mind is filled with good thoughts toward you. It's pretty cool. Our homework in that class is to pray. 7 hours a week. and to read a book on prayer. Then write a paper on what we are learning. It's pretty radical stuff.

On the first day of class she was talking about God's Kingdom as it is intended, and will be one day. While she was talking, for a split second a mental image came to mind of me walking through a meadow holding my cousin's hand, and in the next image, we were dancing together before Jesus. Tears started running down my face. It was so touching to my heart because my cousin has spino-bifida and can't walk without the help of braces. I truly believe that one day she will though, whether that's in Heaven or before is up to God. I'm just excited that I get to be there with her too.

We spent some time in a few of her classes to stop and pray over specific people in the class too, and ask God for words for them. This means praying and waiting for the Holy Spirit to speak to us about another person, and then sharing those verses or words or pictures with that person. It's a beautiful thing. and it's incredible to see how God gives similar pictures to different people that build off of one another and create a bigger picture. He affirms what he wants to say too by saying the same thing to multiple people. This class has been really good for creating a family-like feeling within our freshmen class. There are somewhere around 45 of us, but they all feel like family.

Here are some quotes from class that have stuck me: If you know you are loved deeply, you'll get up a lot faster.Its not hard, its impossible - so lets relax and submit to His grace. Every book of the Bible's purpose is to reveal Jesus - the Holy Spirit can't resist talking about Him. He is thinking about me right now... and they are good thoughts. When I accept myself, then I can forget myself. Our purpose: to know God and serve with Him. Ps. 18:36 - You have made a wide path for my feet to keep me from slipping.[about the church being the bride of Christ - God wants an equal partner. He won't be unequally yoked with His bride. This is why we must suffer, because Jesus did, and we need to grow and be purified.] You cannot just do something because you see a need, we must always act in obedience to His voice. To see people as Jesus does we must see them as they will become. He gets us there alot faster His slow way than we get running on a treadmill. Songs of Songs 1:5 - I am dark, but beautiful: I am sinful but enjoyable to Him. You become what you behold. and those are just from the first few days! It has been a good class!

I've also been really challenged within my prayer life. Praying like you believe it when Jesus said ask and you will receive. Praying in faith, and with perseverance. Meaning 'assume its a yes until its a no'. That's hard! When we dont hear a yes pretty quickly we just assume that it is put of line with God's will. It's also been good learning about how obedience is strongly connected with prayer. We must act when He speaks, and He will act when we speak. It's a relationship! We are told this, but how often do our prayer lives reflect this?

On a complete side: This week I spent a bit of time off campus as well. It always feels good to do that. I borrowed a friend's car twice this week to get out. Went shopping, went to a bonfire, and to a college group games night at my roommates church. Im loving building these relationships. I'm being challenged too in quite a few areas... but maybe I'll save that for another update!

I love you all. Thanks for reading :)

On Love.

Kahlil Gibran on Love

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

To rest.

Today was a great reminder of God's grace.

This week I have been dragging my feet a little. I haven't felt one hundred per cent. I've been tired, and felt worn out. I haven't felt particularly productive or useful either. It's not that I've had a bad week though. It just hasn't been all that, you know?

Last night for homework we had to read through Genesis 1 - 11. The class we are taking right now is just jammed full with information and insight, but I just have not gotten into it. So, I read the first eleven chapters, feeling more confused about God's plan and character than I ever was before, and finally decided that something needed to change. I knew that there was truth and insight that I was missing out on because I just was not on track with what we were learning about. I went to bed praying that God would reveal to me truth about His basic character in Genesis. That I would see HIM and be able to read the stories through that lens.

God is so faithful! He definitely answered that prayer. Today I not only felt unusually awake for class, but I was excited. As class went on today I was again and again blown away by a new understanding of a passage or a new tidbit of God's original plan. It was so good! I love learning about how God used things, like numerical significance, to speak to the people of that day so clearly about something. For example: If you look at the genealogies listed from both Cain and from Seth (Abel), both the third and the seventh born son have something specific written about them (If you count Adam as number 1). And Cain's line was one of Human Effort and of darkness, where are Abel's line was one of God-Fearing and Worship. It's just amazing to see the correlations and connections!

I am just reminded again and again that God speaks our language. Unlike any other religion on the earth, God does not expect us to reach His standards in order to enter His presence. He comes to us, and is gentle in His leading and teaching. He spoke to the people of old in the structure they understood; Jesus spoke in parables to relate his teachings to what was understood; God whispers to my heart things that I am ready to hear for the time and place that I am at.

I am learning so much, and it would be easy to feel overwhelmed. There seems to be no time to sit on one thing or to go deeper with a particular topic, because the pace is so fast. But God's grace allows me to learn what he wants to teach me. And to just rest when I need to slow it down. God is a gentleman, and works with us where we are at.

And right now, I need to rest.